Wednesday, December 08, 2010

Wouldn’t You Like To See ME Like This?

C’mon, you know you would, right?

Naked, tanned, glistening with sweat?

I think I just turned MYSELF on. I might have to take a moment to compose myself.


Ok, I’m back. Where was I?

Oh yeah, the reason I’m posting….

CBS announced yesterday that they are holding on-line web auditions this week for Survivor!

As some of you might remember, I am fairly obsessed with the show.

I’ve applied 2 times in the past. The first time I applied (which would have been for Survivor 3: Africa), I had actually made it past the first round of the interview process.

THIS is my time. I can feel it.

I WILL be on that show …..

And I had a great idea for a video, too. It involved Mini-Me and I doing a cute little routine. It was comedy gold! Gold, I tells ya!

The only problem is, last night CBS put out the rules for the video, and having anyone OTHER than yourself in the video is now a big no-no.

Anyway, here are the rules:

- You must answer the question, “Why do YOU think you can win Survivor?”

- Videos must be between 30 and 60 seconds, not 1 second longer!

- No music, lyrics, or anything copyrighted can appear

- No survivor logos or images or former contestants

- Only I can be in the video ( I said that already!)

From there, in January CBS will pick 10 of their favorites and have people vote on them, based on creativity (25%), feasibility of winning (25%), personality (25%), and body language (25%).

Ok, why did I post all this stuff?

Isn’t it obvious? I need a good idea, dammit, and I need YOU all to come up with one for me!

Seriously, I’ll do anything. If I like what you have to say, I’ll commit to doing it. I am going to try to upload a video this weekend, so if you have a good idea, for the love of all that is Holy, tell me quick!

And if your idea DOES get me on the show, I will perform as much hot, sweaty, monkey-sex on you that you can stand.

See? We ALL win!


Bruce Johnson said...

You really be lovin yourself some naked Richard Hatch, don't you?

You lust for participation on this show is almost as great as my devotion to the Amazing Race.

Since I am probably the only one of your readers that has actually applied for one of these shows, like you have in the past, this would be my 2 cents worth.

30 - 60 seconds is not a lot of time, considering that they will get upwards of 10 thousand entries. So you have to stand out, make a point, be engaging and looks 'marketable' all within that space of time.

My idea is this. Hang upside down from a tree wearing nothing but a loin cloth, with you foot in a noose. While bobbing upside down, calmly explain the camera how you are going to be able to survive your current predicament and how your survivor skill have made you and ideal candidate. Then whip a knife from your loin cloth and cut the rope holding your leg and fall to the ground (off camera). Them as the last frame, hold up your hand and shout (I'm Good!...I'm Good!)

Makes and impact and is eye-catching, which is what you want to get to the next round of interviews.

And I will pass on the hours of sweet love making if you win......although I do have a full grown Great Dane bitch at home that could use some attention.

sybil law said...

Lotus07 has a great suggestion!
I don't watch any of those shows, so honestly - I have no clue.
Um, eat something gross while hanging upside down? Do they do that on Survivor?

Mrs. Hall said...

Answer like this:

You must answer the question, “Why do YOU think you can win Survivor?”


Then hold up a photo of him.

Then lower it and smile all devil like into the camera.

Wear a suit and look snazzy.

Trust me about the suit, most people will be wearing survivor clothes.

break a leg buddy! I'll be watching.

Mrs. Hall said...

Don't listen to Bruce, that crap is just cheesy.

Anonymous said...

Make sure you have personality. Do something they wouldn't expect... like a "faux survivor" or a song or something you would regularly see on YouTube.

Why don't you submit your StarWars/StarTrek video.

Nah. Just be inventive and highlight everything about you that is awesome and show worthy.

The fact that you are on video means there is so much you could do... but your 60 seconds has to have them remembering you.

Maybe show all the way you would sneak things on to the show. Or even how you could even eat a toothpaste sandwiche (it's possible... I did it once.) Apparently its enough to up-chunk.

Or promise you will make sure you are the last survivor and that you have a game plan that would even dupe the last survisors voted out to vote you to win.

Do a video of the voting out scene thing...

>can no longer think<

Anonymous said...

ooops I made example of things they would expect. My bad... its what I meant to write but the way its read is.... slightly crazy.

Verdant Earl said...

First off, there is nothing about me that could in any way be described as "wee".

Secondly, this kind of format is a little tough to be uber-creative. How about a stupid joke or a bunch of stupid jokes that have you winning Survivor as the punchline? Something like (but way more clever than) "What has two thumbs, a large ego and wins at Survivor?" "This guuuuuuy!" But, like I said...more clever.

Heff said...

Dude, with a name like "Slyde", I'd re-think this whole Survivor thing at least a time or two.

Bruce Johnson said...

Holly.....what hell do you mean by "crap"?????

Marlene said...

Tell 'em your million blog fans are EXPECTING to see on that show, dang it.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I would look like a hobo and eat some bark off a tree.

Tard R. Sauce said...

whatta maroon !

meleah rebeccah said...

Im going to vote for what Lotus07 said! best advice ever.


Its going to be YOUR year!

AlleyCat Runs said...

I don't watch the show, but most certainly will if you are on it!!! I like both Mrs Hall's & Lotus's suggestions.


Jill said...

I have no clue (I've never seen the show. I'm just surprised people survive day to day life) but GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!! I do think you should post whatever video you end up making!!!!!!!

Radioactive Tori said...

I have no advice but I am hoping like crazy you get on!

In a similar thing, when Miami Ink was a huge show I applied to be on and got accepted. Unfortunately that was when my whole stupid cancer thing happened so we kept having to delay when I could go. Finally they got sick of waiting and told me they were moving on.

So...if you get on, I will feel so much happier about the whole reality tv thing. Plus, I love survivor anyway. Good luck.

Cocaine Princess said...

I say....GO 4 IT!!!

I only watched Seasons 1-2 but if you get selected I will be watching every week!!

Good Luck.

Latindog said...

How about a Jeckyl and Hyde sort of video where you come on camera looking squeaky clean, honest and have a kind of "golly gosh, I'm just happy to be here persona" and you intersperse clips of that with clips of you with a completely different (and darker) outfit, lighting etc. saying how you're going to be a Machiavellian string puller behind the nice guy facade.

Anonymous said...

I gave you the best idea ever. If youd done it - you would have been on the show. (stomps feet!)

ELizabeth (funnygirl)

I will check in... i miss you guys.