Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Mixed Nuts

So, being the awesome Uber-Daddy that I am, tomorrow I will be the class parent on Mini-Me’s school field trip.

We are going to see the Nutcracker.

Now, I have a bit of a confession to make.

I’ve never been one for the Ballet.

Now don’t get all uppity with me. Believe me, I understand the art, and the beauty, and the incredible dedication it takes to point yourself on your tippy toes and all that nonsense, but the truth is that actually having to sit thru the whole thing for a few hours always just seemed like an ‘ordeal’ to me.

I mean, I appreciate the work and dedication that proctologists have to go thru to learn their craft, but that doesn’t mean that I want to sit in and watch some old biddy get a colonoscopy anytime soon….

What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, the ballet. Like I said, I just don’t get it.

Plus, besides the whole ‘boredom’ thing getting to me, I’m just slightly worried about what ‘kind’ of nutcracker we’ll be seeing.

You know what I’m talking about, right?

What I’m saying is…. I want to see THIS kind of nutcracker….

…. And not THIS kind of nutcracker.

I totally agree that it’s childish and immature of me, but watching guys prance around all commando like this makes me a tad uncomfortable. I mean, we all know what I’M looking at, and I know what YOU are looking at, and we BOTH know what the people sitting NEXT to me are looking at, but we all will sit there pretending like no one is looking at the outline of some guys hog dancing around in front of me.

Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather not be seeing any guy’s junk flapping around in my face…….

…. unless he buys me a drink first, of course.


Verdant Earl said...

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

sybil law said...

Couple shot of tequila and I'm pretty sure you'd LOVE it.

Mrs. Hall said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mrs. Hall said...

So-here's the thing. What ever attitude you carry going in- will determine if you have a good time or not.

So far, looks like you'll have a piss poor time and to this I SAY BOO!

First off, you're gonna be with your kid, NOT AT WORK. SCORE.

secondly, you'll be sitting and and being quiet. NOT HAULING BRICKS UP A HILL. SCORE.

Thirdly, take some time to find out what you are watching. Ballets are plays acted out by dance. The human body is an amazing machine, to watch people dance in such a way amazes me. To know that people can twist, turn and twirl about, to feel their energy spinning on the stage is a joy.

The story is about a Christmas and magic through a child's eyes. About the delights that spring from a child's imagination. If you give yourself over to the delight of the play-you will be delighted.

Here is a somewhat detailed synopsis. If you skim through it, you will recognize and appreciate what you are seeing more.

And you will be less of a goober!

Lastly, let's not forgot what a play is, PLAYING. Step out of yourself, let your guard down, let your mind wander and be filled with awesome as you watch this thing.

Shut off the adult part of your brain, the whiny part that says, "I don't get it." Get in touch with the feelings, the joy.

so yeah, there ya go.

my advice on how to enjoy the nutcracker.

I'm a little jealous. I wanna go.

so enjoy for me.

and take care of you and the wee mini me!


Marlene said...

Yeah...I don't get it, either. Everyone whines about seeing too much "junk" in those grape-grabbing speedos...but no one seems to whine about the junk in a leotard. I'm with you....except I don't wanna see the kind you wanna see, either. Hell, I'll sit out alone. All by myself. Poopy.

Bruce Johnson said...

I just hope you don't knock over any stage scenery....

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meleah rebeccah said...

Oh you're VERY brave to volunteer as class parent on Mini-Me’s school field trip!!

"Call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather not be seeing any guy’s junk flapping around in my face……unless he buys me a drink first, of course."


latindog said...

I am assuming you're going into Lincoln Center to see it. If so, I think you will enjoy it if you haven't seen it there before. The very traditional production is over the top in terms of costumes, sets (including the famous growing Christmas tree when the characters are supposed to shrink) etc. It's a great first ballet for a child and is fun to watch if you go in that spirit. The music is very familiar and some of the individual and paired dances in the second half are pretty spectacular in their athleticism. I am not a ballet fan of any sort but I enjoyed seeing this production a few years ago with my kids.

If nothing else, there's always just Christmas season in NYC to enjoy. Just took a field trip with my high school seniors last week to see two museums and we took pictures by the tree etc. It was fun.

ag. said...

I've got to agree that I don't quite 'get it' but I actually really like it. I think it's a beuatiful art...however, the whole junk thing? Totally can't help but stare, it's such a distraction!

Chris H said...

Ahhhh... I'm totally with you on this one... AMAZING EH?
I have never been to watch ballet and I never will.
And men in tights! Gross.

latindog said...

So... how was it?

Cocaine Princess said...

The comment left by sybil law has me cracking up!

To repeat the comment left by 4:40.....So how was it?

Jill said...


Uberdad, can I ask you something? Why did you sign up for a field trip that you don't think you're going to enjoy? Do they only have one a year? (seriously I'm asking that - some schools only go on one a year).

Here's the good thing about that kind of field trip - once the kids are seated, you more or less get to relax some. It's not like going on the zoo field trip where you have to count heads every ten seconds to make sure no one has kidnapped one or to make sure one hasn't crawled into the lion cage or something.

Anyway, hope you had a better time than you thought you were going to have!!!!!