Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Conversations From Last Night

Her: Could you do me a favor?

Him: Sure. What’s up?

Her: Could you please stop just THROWING your shoes in the hall closet? They pile up into a big mountain and it’s annoying.

Him: Really?

Her: Yes. It’s annoying to open the closet and see a pyramid of shoes looking at me.

Him: You think the shoes are looking at you?

Her: You know what I mean.

Him: Do I?

Her: You’re going to give me a hard time about this, aren’t you?

Him: Yes, I surely am.

Her: Why?

Him: Why? Why? Because EVERY DAMN DAY when I come home from work, I open the front door, take ONE step inside, and routinely fall flat on my ass because when YOU come home YOU KICK OFF YOUR SHOES AND LEAVE THEM RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR FOR ME TO TRIP OVER!

Her: You’ve never tripped over my shoes….

Him: I’ve never NOT tripped over your shoes! I’VE Tripped over them, your son has tripped over them…. I’m pretty sure everyone who has ever stepped foot into this house has tripped over them!

Her: Now you’re exaggerating…

Him: Am I? Go ask your son how many times I have walked into this house carrying packages and ended up looking like I’m a fucking plate-spinner in a fucking carnival act as I try to hold on to what I’m carrying while I’m sailing across the hallway on one of your discarded high heels!

Her: Have you ever REALLY gotten hurt?

Him: No, but that’s only because I have catlike reflexes.

Her: Why are you being a dick?

Him: Because I have to wonder why it’s a priority to make sure that the shoes that I have put safely away in the closet MUST be in a neat row, but you choose to fly by the seat of your pants when it comes to me getting assaulted every time I walk into this house like I’m Inspector Clouseau!

Her: You can never make anything easy, can you?

Him: Sure!  I can EASILY crack my fucking head open every time I put my key in the door!  Would that work for you?

Her: You’re an ass. I married an ass.


Verdant Earl said...


meleah rebeccah said...

I literally just choked on my coffee from laughing so hard at this conversation!

In fact, Im pretty sure my parents just had THIS very argument about shoes, hall closets, and tripping!

Chris H said...

Well for once I can see your point ... but you are still an ass. lol

Cocaine Princess said...

OMG! You deserve your own reality show!! Too funny!

i am the diva said...

Hey! i'm here!! leaving a comment! YAY!

I have the same deal with b-rad, only it's about putting the cereal away, not that i ever trip over the cereal box and crack my head open or anything

Anonymous said...

I think it is REALLY REALLY important that our wives never really develop any sort of friendship.

Let's continue making sure that doesn't happen.

Marlene said...

Now that was pretty funny....especially the part about the carnival plate spinner! LOL!!!

Mrs. Hall said...

so. before you come in with all your packages (gifts for your wife I'm assuming), go to the door, move the shoes, go back to the car and then procede with bringing in the packages.


and why?

cause she lets you touch her boobies.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Haha! It's my kids who leave their shoes everywhere. The Evil Twin lines his up by his side of the bed, so I can trip over them as I make the bed every morning! Sometimes, I get so mad, I kick them further under the bed.

sybil law said...

She's right, you know.

(We have a big tub thing next to the back door for shoes. It's actually made me ridiculously happy to have it there.)

The Invisible Seductress said...

OK, laughing WITH you, not AT you..

Nope, I was wrong I'm laughing AT you!! ;}

Unknown said...

I'm with Her.

I know it doesn't make any sense. But I am.

I didn't say I was fair, or logical.

Still think your geat :)

Dr Zibbs said...

Haha. The last line made me laugh out loud.