So, because I don’t spend enough time playing games on my computer, I decided that this year I wanted to do what all the COOL geeks are doing: I wanted to purchase THREE big widescreen computer monitors, and hook ‘em all up like the picture above.
So I asked Friz about it, knowing that the hardware I wanted to buy wouldn’t be cheap, and much to my surprise, she said “Sure! Go for it!”
Now, I’m experienced enough to know by now that when she gives me carte blanche like that to buy some ridiculously expensive toy that I want but don’t really need, it USUALLY means that she has ALREADY decided to spend an even GREATER amount of money on some shit for the house, usually without asking me.
Regardless, when I got the go-ahead to purchase all this equipment on-line, I asked no questions like a good child and just did as I was told. The monitors came the other day, and I’ve been having a blast gaming all week. Last night I was chopping off Zombie heads in Left For Dead in 72 inches of bloody widescreen heaven!
Never once did I think it would come back to bite me in THIS way.
Come with me now as I, recall in perfect detail, our conversation from last night:
“Me: Hey, you haven’t asked me what I want for Christmas yet.”
“Her: What do you mean?”
“Me: I mean, there’s only like 1 week left till the big day, and you haven’t gotten me anything yet. You’d better get a move on because I don’t want to be surprised with some crappy sweater.”
“Her: What are you talking about? You already GOT your Christmas present for this year.”
"Her: You heard me."
“Me: I did? Well where the Hell is it? It’s not the meatloaf we had last night, is it? Because, while it was indeed tasty, I don’t think it qualifies as something I’d want under the tree on Christmas morning.”
“Her: No, smartass…. I’m talking about your new computer monitors.”
“Me: My monitors? They weren’t a present….. I ordered them myself! I PAID for them myself! With my OWN money!”
“Her: That doesn’t matter. You’re money is MY money. “
“Me: Since when?”
“Her: Since forever. I told you that you could buy them, but they were your Christmas present.”
“Me: You can’t do that! There was NO disclaimer that if I bought these monitors that it would be my Christmas present!”
“Her: I didn’t HAVE to say it. It was understood.”
“Me: By who? Cause it sure as shit wasn’t understood by me!”
“Her: Well, now you’re up to speed. Those monitors are your Christmas present.”
“Me: You really can’t do that. It defies the rules of Christmas!”
“Her: A) No it doesn’t, and B) You’re being an ass.”
“Me: Ok, let me ask you something.”
“Me: When was the last time you bought anything for yourself?”
“Her: Me? Hmmm let’s see. Oh yeah, I bought those new boots for myself last month.”
“Me: Yeah, I remember those. How much did they cost?”
“Her: They weren’t cheap. I think they ran me about 200 dollars”
“Me: I see. “
“Her: You see what? Why do you want to know about my new boots?”
“Me: Do you like your new boots? I mean, are you happy with them?”
“Her: Am I happy with them? Yeah, I guess so. I’ve been wearing them so I guess I like them.”
“Me: Well, those boots are YOUR Christmas present from me!”
“Her: Wait, what? No they aren’t!”
“Me: Yup, I hope you like them. Merry Christmas!”
“Her: I could fucking strangle you right now if I thought that I could get away with it”
“Me: You should. At least you’d have some of your new outfit already bought for the trial!”
Anyway, I still stand by my assertion that I just got jipped out of present under the tree.
And yes, I DID really get her something else. I just needed to have some fun at her expense.