Friday, December 17, 2010

All This Because I Wanted More Inches


So, because I don’t spend enough time playing games on my computer, I decided that this year I wanted to do what all the COOL geeks are doing: I wanted to purchase THREE big widescreen computer monitors, and hook ‘em all up like the picture above.


So I asked Friz about it, knowing that the hardware I wanted to buy wouldn’t be cheap, and much to my surprise, she said “Sure! Go for it!”

Now, I’m experienced enough to know by now that when she gives me carte blanche like that to buy some ridiculously expensive toy that I want but don’t really need, it USUALLY means that she has ALREADY decided to spend an even GREATER amount of money on some shit for the house, usually without asking me.

Regardless, when I got the go-ahead to purchase all this equipment on-line, I asked no questions like a good child and just did as I was told. The monitors came the other day, and I’ve been having a blast gaming all week. Last night I was chopping off Zombie heads in Left For Dead in 72 inches of bloody widescreen heaven!

Never once did I think it would come back to bite me in THIS way.

Come with me now as I, recall in perfect detail, our conversation from last night:

“Me: Hey, you haven’t asked me what I want for Christmas yet.”

“Her: What do you mean?”

“Me: I mean, there’s only like 1 week left till the big day, and you haven’t gotten me anything yet. You’d better get a move on because I don’t want to be surprised with some crappy sweater.”

“Her: What are you talking about? You already GOT your Christmas present for this year.”

“Me: Huh?”

"Her: You heard me."

“Me: I did? Well where the Hell is it? It’s not the meatloaf we had last night, is it? Because, while it was indeed tasty, I don’t think it qualifies as something I’d want under the tree on Christmas morning.”

“Her: No, smartass…. I’m talking about your new computer monitors.”

“Me: My monitors? They weren’t a present….. I ordered them myself! I PAID for them myself! With my OWN money!”

“Her: That doesn’t matter. You’re money is MY money. “

“Me: Since when?”

“Her: Since forever. I told you that you could buy them, but they were your Christmas present.”

“Me: You can’t do that! There was NO disclaimer that if I bought these monitors that it would be my Christmas present!”

“Her: I didn’t HAVE to say it. It was understood.”

“Me: By who? Cause it sure as shit wasn’t understood by me!”

“Her: Well, now you’re up to speed. Those monitors are your Christmas present.”

“Me: You really can’t do that. It defies the rules of Christmas!”

“Her: A) No it doesn’t, and B) You’re being an ass.”

“Me: Ok, let me ask you something.”

“Her: Shoot”

“Me: When was the last time you bought anything for yourself?”

“Her: Me? Hmmm let’s see. Oh yeah, I bought those new boots for myself last month.”

“Me: Yeah, I remember those. How much did they cost?”

“Her: They weren’t cheap. I think they ran me about 200 dollars”

“Me: I see. “

“Her: You see what? Why do you want to know about my new boots?”

“Me: Do you like your new boots? I mean, are you happy with them?”

“Her: Am I happy with them? Yeah, I guess so. I’ve been wearing them so I guess I like them.”

“Me: Well, those boots are YOUR Christmas present from me!”

“Her: Wait, what? No they aren’t!”

“Me: Yup, I hope you like them. Merry Christmas!”

“Her: I could fucking strangle you right now if I thought that I could get away with it”

“Me: You should. At least you’d have some of your new outfit already bought for the trial!”



Anyway, I still stand by my assertion that I just got jipped out of present under the tree.

And yes, I DID really get her something else. I just needed to have some fun at her expense.

16 comments:

Lotus07 said...

You are way behind the times. My wife and I have the unwritten agreement that we buy our own Christmas gifts. We only 'collaborate' on gifts we buy for others. I got myself a new film scanner for Christmas, I have no idea what the wife bought herself. As a joint gift, we are heading to Mexico to get away from consumer hell that is called the "Holiday Season" Merry Freakin Christmas

Evil Twin's Wife said...

We always buy our own stuff. Christmas is for the kids - we get enough junk throughout the year. And, yes, The Evil Twin's money is my money because I don't have a paying job. LOL.

B.E. Earl said...

Yeah, but what did you get me?

sybil law said...

Uh, her boots will last her for years and years. Your monitors will be old hat in about 5 years.
Needless to say, I gotta go with the wife on this one.

The Invisible Seductress said...

You're spoiled, but cute!

Anonymous said...

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radioactive girl said...

Your wife is good. I would have never thought of that!

Cocaine Princess said...

Your wife is very clever!

Young and Fabulous said...

wow Lots of screens! Enjoy ;)

Heff said...

NEVER tell the woman when you're going to buy yourself something.

I've learned that women don't normally notice what guys purchase, and just naturally assume the things have always been in the house.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Dude, what were you thinking???
YOu need to lay down the Christmas present list early!! Like the first week of Dec. That way when you buy the big shit for yourself, she can complain that she already spent a fortune on your xmas gift, but she won't return it cuz she already bought it.

Jill/Twipply Skwood said...

I'm pretty sure anyone anywhere has the thought or says the words "It's understood", it's not understood. Kind of like when someone giving you directions says, "You can't miss it". If someone says that, just rest assured that you're going to be lost soon.

Because those words really mean, "I've been there so many times that my car practically gets me there automatically. You'll never find it though".

Anyway, that stinks that your surprise is ruined, but nice that you got something you really want.

Employee No. 3699 said...

Sorry, I have to side with your wife on this one. In fact, I'm pretty sure your monitors cost way more than the $200.00 boots...therefore, please let her know that she's only got a few more days to finish shopping for herself!

Hope you guys have a very Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year!!!!

meleah rebeccah said...

I love ya Slyde, but Im with your wife on this one! HA!

Heff said...

Merry Christmas, Homo.

Amanda said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog.

I have to say, your wife seems pretty clever :) Those screens are indeed the nerdiest thing I've seen (but I'm kinda jealous!).