Tuesday, November 09, 2010

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

So, I shaved my legs last week.

What, doesn't EVERYBODY?

First off, sorry for leaving you for over a week, after I specifically told all you sexy people that I wouldn't leave you like that again.  But, I had a good reason, you see.  My father was visiting me from sunny Florida for the last two weeks, and real life kinda went out the window for a bit.

But now he's gone, and I'm back to delight you.

Anyhoo, if the start of this post didn't grab you, then I don't know what will.

I was dared to do something different this year at a friend's Halloween party, and not just come as my usual undead/zombie/Jason/monster kinda thing. 

Something a bit more ballsy.

Never let it be said that I don't have balls.

So, I decided to do what EVERY red-blooded American lad does when he's told to man up.....

I dressed like a girl.

Aren't I a treat to the eyes?

The frightening thing about my killer looks is that, try as I might to make myself look foolish, no matter what I do, I continue to be one sexy bitch.

Behold:  This pic shows the shocking evidence of some drunk dude trying to have his way with me:

Friz wasn't going to stand for anyone laying their paws on her gorgeous man, so she clung to me all night:

I must say, shaving my legs was quite the experience.  It took MUCH longer than I thought it would, but when it was over, I must admit that it felt kinda nice.  I don't think I ever want the hair to come back in.  Maybe I'll just go the "Full Monty" and treat myself to a bikini wax.

And don't even get me STARTED on wearing makeup!  Friz was pissed when I got disappointed that she didn't have any eyeliner or makeup in any "hooker" colors... I just assumed all you chicks had that shit stashed somewhere.  Anyway, as she applied my eyeliner, she told me that most girls would KILL for my eyelashes.

Here's me giving my coquettish "who me?" look. 

Isn't that just DEAD sexy?

Feel free to make that your new wallpaper.  No one can blame you.

Anyway, I will try my darnedest to get back to a regular schedule, and to get back to reading all your blogs, which I have not done for 2 weeks now.

And anyone looking for a good time Saturday night, give me a ring.  I'm easy.


sybil law said...

You really are one sexy bitch, Slyde!!

Verdant Earl said...

I give you props for posting these, but man...you are one horrific looking woman! Ugh.

Anonymous said...

LO (really really) L

You look GORGEOUS!

Slyde said...

sybil: you too ! :)

earl: you need glasses

paula: thanks miss! (p.s. so, can you get here from work ok now?)

Heff said...


Hey, bitch - does the carpet match the DRAPES ? :)

Brittany said...

I think the crowd would chose you over me 10 to 1 :)

You are seriously one sexy biYatch! :)

Happy Tuesday crazy!

The Invisible Seductress said...

Oh, I am sooooo confused now!! Would I be switching teams if I was attracted to you?

because I am....giggle

Marlene said...

FUNNIEST post EVER!!! LOVE it!!! Oh man, you are one sexy bitch! LOL!!!

Slyde said...

heff: like you dont know!

brit: i am, aint i?

invis: lets not quibble with labels... just get your buns over here!

marlene: i think i am too... i dont know what some of these other people are seeing...

Expat No. 3699 said...

Yes, you do have balls! Did you shave those too?

Tamara said...

Wahahahaha... It takes a man who's very sedcure in himself to go out like this ;-)

Jill said...

SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

Also, I'm a little short on hooker makeup myself, just for the record. Actually I don't have much makeup period.

Jill said...

I was looking for an email address for you to send an explanation of the whole bathroom/bomb connection. I get too antsy about what would happen if my classroom parents happened upon my blog. I probably shouldn't have even mentioned work in the first place, but oh well. I imagine that now that the teacher across the hall reads my blog, I'll hear about it if I cross the line somewhere.

Helen said...

Really looking good there! I always feel jealous that guys have nicer legs and better eyelashes (and guess who has to wear the skirts?).

As for the hooker-makeup stash... well I think we all could have it if makeup lasted a little bit loner. And you wouldn't want old eyeliner, trust me. First you'd have you eyes gouges out to try and make a mark, and then it would flake into your eyes. Fun times!

(p.s. I think I might have some pure eyeliner lipgloss combo hidden away. Son't tell anyone)

Slyde said...

employee: actually, yes, i did.

tamara: i agree. im actually very proud of myself...

jill: its apedone at optonline dot net. i actually post it at the bottom of the blog

helen: it'll be our secret :)

Unknown said...

Its such a wonderful feeling when you have freshly shaved legs. DOn't you just love the feeling of light clean sheets whisping and carressing the newly smooth skin.

Slyde, in all honesty, I think you should go for the full monty. Have it all!

meleah rebeccah said...

Ahahahahha! OMG! Slyde!

Im laughing so hard right now my stomach hurts. This is sooooooo great.

Oh, dnd you make one "Hot Chick!"


Slyde said...

olivia: honestly, my legs DID feel very nice being all shaven.

NOW, almost 2 weeks later... not so much.

meleah: for what its worth, i think i shouldnt have gone with the "lady gaga" blonde wig, and been a brunette.

oh well, next year!

teeni said...

ROFL! You hussy you! Man, I've missed visiting over here. Glad to see there is still plenty of Slyde going on over here. :) How the hell are you?

Heff said...

@7:58pm Heff is currently watching "The Bad Girls Club", AND I'M NOT WEARING PANTS !!!

Cocaine Princess said...

I love your sense of adventure! I thinks it's so awesome when adults get into the full spirit of Halloween.

Hope your Halloween was a great one! I caught up with AMC's "The Walking Dead" and I am HOOKED!

P.S. I've seen pictures of your little one and he really does have eye lashes to die for. He must get them from you!

Chris H said...

I don't believe Earl for ONE MINUTE! He is lusting after ya mate...I'd run if I was you!
And ha ha .... you are gunna hate it when your leg hair grows back.. it is gunna drive you nuts! Itchy, scratchy leg hair!

Chris H said...

I don't believe Earl for ONE MINUTE! He is lusting after ya mate...I'd run if I was you!
And ha ha .... you are gunna hate it when your leg hair grows back.. it is gunna drive you nuts! Itchy, scratchy leg hair!

AlleyCat Runs said...

You make a lovely couple!!! How is the stubble growing now??? Itchy??? :0)

Bruce Johnson said...

Sadly, this doesn't really surprise me.