Thursday, November 18, 2010

Can You Look Sexy Wearing A Bite Plate?

Because if anyone can do it, By God, I’m gonna try!

My dentist told me that because I grind my teeth at night that I need to wear a bite plate.

I’ve been TRYING to wear the damnable contraption for a few nights now, but the thing hurts like the dickens. It’s nowhere NEAR comfortable enough for me to try to wear for the entire night and get a decent night’s sleep.

The pain of wearing this thing all night would be the equivalent of hiring someone to stand over me while I’m sleeping and periodically punch me in the balls every few hours.

Actually, that sounds mildly better than having this fucking horse bridle strapped inside my mouth all night.

I keep telling my dentist that it’s hurting me, so he keeps telling me to come back in, and then he makes some inconsequential ‘adjustment’ to it, and tells me to try it again.

And again. And again.

Seriously, I’ve been to the dentist 9 times in the past 2 weeks. I don’t see my SON that often! A few more visits and I think it will be safe to say that my dentist and I are officially dating.

At least he’s a good kisser.

Wait, what?



What I want to know is….. does anyone else out there have to wear one of these things? And if so, is YOURS comfortable?

Because MY dentist told me that ultimately this thing should be “refreshing” (his words) when I pop it in.

And right now, it’s the farthest fucking thing from “refreshing” as it CAN be…


Heff said...

Can't help you, Pal.

After braces and such, I swore off dentistry as a whole.

Marlene said...

Can't say I know anyone who has one of these contraptions.

I was seriously thinking of getting one for myself because - wait for it - I bite my freaking tongue in my sleep all the time!!!! Let's see how Freud analyzes that one.

Sorry to hear it's not working out for you.

Verdant Earl said...

I've got something you can put in your mouth at night instead if you are interested.

meleah rebeccah said...

Sorry your bite plate is so uncomfortable, but you made me laugh out loud when I read this:

"A few more visits and I think it will be safe to say that my dentist and I are officially dating.At least he’s a good kisser."


Slyde said...

HEFF: not a bad plan

marlene: biting your tongue while you sleep? what the hell are YOU dreaming about?

earl: thanks for the offer, but it would just get stuck in between my teeth

meleah: its funny cause its true..

sybil law said...

Nope- never had one.
However, it's probably like some kick ass leather shoes - it just needs to be broken in?!

Also, Earl - you want something else to be ground by his teeth?! Kinky!

Jill said...

I think you need a new dentist - I've never heard of them hurting! Or, you can just get that cheapie kind that's to protect teeth when people play football. I think they don't last very long though.

AlleyCat Runs said...

Never had one so no help either.

LOL @ Earl.

Brittany said...

I laughed out loud reading this!

Heff said...

Hey. Had a dream last night about you "having that fucking horse bridle strapped inside your mouth all night."


Roy Rogers.

Anonymous said...
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Chris H said...

Our little girl Brylee grinds her teeth something shocking... but now that she has an orthodontic brace she does not... it took her a while to get used to it too... but she's fine now.
My only idea... get false teeth so you can take them out at night! Can't grind what ya don't have eh? lol

Tamara said...

LOL at your reply to Earl.

I've tried one, but it took me forever to get to sleep because it was so uncomfortable and I used to wake up having spat the thing out anyway. I also grind my teeth in my sleep. Let me know if you find a solution!

Cocaine Princess said...

I've never had this type of problem but hang in there Slyde!

P.S. Earl's comment is cracking me is your response!

Slyde said...


teeni said...

I have something that must be a "bite plate" although I'm not sure that is what my orthodontist called it. It is supposed to keep the teeth from moving. Mine is not painful at all, but it does make me drool so it is uncomfortable in that way. I'm thinking your dentist needs to do some better adjustments because it shouldn't hurt.

Bruce Johnson said...

My ex-wife had to wear one of these. I divorced my ex-wife.....enough said. Teeth grinders make poor spouses. ...... they also have a tendency to knock over book shelves (I am never going to let that one go....)

Unknown said...

ok, i just got a bite plate in today and i have a lisp like a freaking 5 year old! and im in band and have a concert tommrow! but its not that painfull. also the whole refreshing thing...what the heck! its freakking refreshing when i take it out!