Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Birds Do It, The Bees Do It…

Well, I finally broke down and got my son a pair of gerbils over the weekend.

That statement in itself is absolutely ASTOUNDING to me, since Friz has sworn since the beginning of time that Hell would freeze over before we ever had something that looks like a rat in our house as a pet.

Ah, but Mini-Me can be quite persuasive when he looks at you with those big brown doe eyes and that little cherub face….

So, defying all logic, Friz came to me last week and told me that we should let Mini-Me pick out some gerbils for his birthday.

Now, I know absolutely NOTHING about gerbils. ALL I KNEW was that I wanted 2 boys, because from what I learned in 9th grade Biology, that should pretty much nix any chance that I would have to deal with gerbil babies.

So, my son was on cloud 9 when we got to the pet store. When the clerk showed us the gerbils he had in stock, we saw that they had 7 black gerbils, and 1 white one.

Of course my son HAD to have the white one.

The problem was that the white one was female.

So, being the intellectual giant that I am, I quickly formulated a new ingenious strategy.

“Ok, let’s just get 2 girls then”, I said.

After all, I’ve seen plenty of movies where 2 girls get it on, and in NOT ONE OF THEM have I ever seen any babies as a result.

In the end, we welcomed 2 new additions to the Slyde home…..


And Lightning:

I have to admit, the little girls are pretty cute, and fun to play with. In fact, everything was going swimmingly until this past Monday, when I heard my son start screaming from his room.

When I got there, THIS is what I saw:

Yup, apparently Lightning grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, because now, after having these things for 5 days, we are the proud owners of FOUR FUCKING NEW BABY GERBILS!

Needless to say, I was none too fucking happy. I spoke to the pet store and they said that as long as we take care of the little guys for 4 weeks while the mother nurses them, they will gladly take the pups off our hands.

But meanwhile, I sit in front of the cage every night like an expectant father, cringing every time one of the little guys looks like he’s in trouble. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gently nudged one of them back into their house after their misguided mommy carried them somewhere in the cage, and then promptly forgot about them to scamper off for a few hours running herself silly in the gerbil wheel.

Anyway, so far so good on the baby-rearing front. All 4 babies seem to be doing ok, and happily peep and chirp the night away.

This is SO not what I signed up for.

Anyone want to give some pets a good home?


vixen kitten said...

OMG they are adorable!

I would gladly take one off your hands, but unless you are doing door to door delivery service, I don't think it's possible.

You're a good guy for taking care of them!


sybil law said...

And haha - that is awesome! And hysterical! Such a sucka.
But hell no - I don't want one.

Cocaine Princess said...

I'm not a gerbil lover. I prefer having goldfish! Sweet of you though to be looking after them. Maybe one of Mini Me's school friends will be interested?

P.S. Clever names.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Awww. But what a nightmare! ;-) I'm sure the time will fly by and you'll be back to just the 2 gerbils again (and hopefully, no more babies).

Verdant Earl said...

Sure...bring them on over. My cats would love to "play" with them. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

Candy's daily Dandy said...


Squeeee!!! Those little critters are so cuuuuuttttee!!!

Then they grow up and get all rat-looking.

They are lucky little gerbils to have you ushering them into the cruel world. :)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

AHAHAHAHAHA @Slyde's labels on this post!!!!

meleah rebeccah said...

Aw! Storm & Lightening are adorable! You're an awesome dad!

Susan Higgins said...

Thank you for making me laugh out loud... you are a very good story teller.

Like Earl's cats, my cats would love the live toys.

Jill said...

Oh dear! I'd love to help but at least one of my cats would LOVE to snack on those guys.

I made the mistake of bringing home my class pet (a fish named Yaroke) one weekend. Whenever one of the kids asked what happened to Yaroke, I would say, "What do you think happened?" I listened to their guesses and answered, "Hmmm...maybe so."

Heff said...

Keep 'em 'til maturity, dude. Those things taste GREAT saute'ed in garlic butter.

Marlene said...

I just about spat out my teeth when I read "FOUR FUCKING NEW BABY GERBILS!" Ha ha ha!!! (Ok, really, I have ALL my own teeth, but it would have looked silly if I had said I simply SPAT, eh?)

I'm sorry...but I'm laughing my arse off here.....only because this isn't happening to ME!!!!

Chris H said...

YUK SUPER YUK! One of our sons got some years ago.. they had babies, son forget to feed the mother so SHE ATE HER BABIES.

PLEASE make sure you feed that thing.
Or I will vomit and send it to you.

AlleyCat Runs said...


My cousin had 2 bunnies. Three months later she has 30+. Good luck papa gerbil!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tamara said...

You are such a softie, Slyde.