Monday, October 25, 2010

Dr. Giggles

My dentist blows.
I mean, he doesn’t “blow”, of course. 
I mean, he sucks.
Wait, that didn’t come out right either.
Why does everything I try to say come out sexual?
Anyway, regardless of the issue of whether or not my dentist enjoys performing fellacio,  what I MEANT to say is that he REALLY pissed me off this weekend.
I had an appointment for 9A.M. Saturday morning.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a “9.A.M. Saturday Morning” kind of person, so getting my sexy ass to a dental appointment at that time amounted to nothing short of a Herculean effort on my part.  Although I don’t look like it, I really DO need my beauty sleep.
Anyway, Saturday morning my alarm went off, so I threw on some clothes and sleep-drove my way over to the office.
No sooner did I walk in, when the receptionist looked at me with a troubled face and told me:
“I’m sorry, our pipes burst here this morning, so we can’t see anyone today. “
“Are you kidding me?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not kidding.  I’ve been calling people to cancel appointments since I arrived”
She’d been calling people to cancel appointments since she arrived? 
Now, I don’t have the superior mindset to have yet climbed the corporate ladder high enough to have had the chance to obtain the lofty position of “Dental Office Receptionist”, but By Gosh, if I ever do, I’m gonna make sure that when I need to cancel appointments, I’M FIRST GONNA FUCKING CALL THE FUCKING PEOPLE  WHO WERE DUE TO COME IN AT 9 FUCKING A.M.!!!!!!!!
Who the hell did she call first… the 3 o’ clock gingivitis emergency? 
Maybe she sorted her appointment list by middle initial, and decided to call people in THAT order instead, just to change things up a little?
Or perhaps she decided to call people in order of penis size? 
Ascending order, of course…….


Verdant Earl said...

So you blew your dentist? That sounds about right.

Anonymous said...

penis order? Then how would she know if your dentist doesn't blow? LOL

Ack... why did you AGREE to an appointment at 09h00. its partially your fault. Sorry Slyde.... but really- 09h00?

Heff said...

If you really had a cock and balls, you'd have whipped it out and demanded an afternoon appointment in the first fucking place.....

The Invisible Seductress said...

she just wanted to see you fresh from a night of beauty sleep.. I'm sure you looked delectable!! Who can blame her?

SK Waller said...

So your dentist blows... why? It sounds more like the receptionist blows. Nah. If she did, you wouldn't have minded getting up at 9am.

Slyde said...

earl: again, YOUR dream, not mine..

paula: i know, but thats all they had.

heff: what can i say? im a sucker for a pretty face...

invis: i love the way you think..

sk: thats about the ONLY thing that i'd get up at 9am for..

Jill said...

Well now wait a minute, that sounds like a problem with the receptionist, not the dentist!!! How are your teeth? :-)

sybil law said...

He probably does like fellatio - when you're on the wacky gas!

Marlene said...

Oh man, I would have been ticked, too. Can't blame ya there.

Kat said...

Boo! I's still stalking you i promise! Just very busy and will post soon :o) give my love to earl...and badger too if you know what hole he's hiding in these days...i believe I owe him a sketch.

Slyde said...

jill: my teeth are doing dandy!

sybil: you just HAD to put that thought into my head, didnt you, you little vixen...

marlene: see? SHE gets it!

Kat: yeah yeah yeah.. i'll say hello to you, just so you can up and leave me again. im wise to you...

Anonymous said...

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meleah rebeccah said...

Oh Slyde, you CRACK me up! Especially when your all fired up! Ahahahahhahaha

Cocaine Princess said...

OMG this had me giggling in tears:

"the 3 o’ clock gingivitis emergency?"

So frigging funny!!