Sunday, October 31, 2010

You've Set Your DVRs, Right?

For What?

You're kidding, right?

For the very first episode of The Walking Dead, which starts tonight on AMC, of course!

I don't have time to blather on right now about how kick-ass this show is gonna be, since Mini-Me and I are headed out to go Trick Or Treating, but if you won't take MY word for it, check out the trailer below:

Now lets all remember to watch tonight, so next week we can discuss.

Class dismissed!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

It's The Great Pumpkin!

What's this?

I NEVER post two days in a row?

This is madness!


NO, THIS ..... IS..... SPARTA!!!!!!

Wait, what was I posting about?

Oh yeah......

Today, and today only, my submissive prison bitch Earl is running a Pumpkin Carving contest. 

If I wasn't such a selfish prick I probably should have posted about it here earlier, so you all could have sent in your submissions.

But, since ONE of those submissions is from Yours Truly, having even MORE entries would have hurt my chances to win. 

And I need to win.  Oh yes, I do need to win.

After all, winning nothing but Hot Body contests over and over again begins to get stale after a while.  I'd like to change things up a bit and win something that focuses on my creativity over my killer pecs.

Anyway, head on over there from THIS link and vote!  The contest ends at midnight today, so get your sexy buns over there NOW!

Which pumpkin is MINE, you might ask?

Easy!  It's the BEST one!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Am I Going To Hell?

A coworker, who is a diehard Mets fan, looked upset earlier today as I walked past his cubicle.  I noticed that he was reading a news story on the internet.

When I asked him what the problem was, he moved aside to show me what he was reading.  The news article read:

Official scorer for Major League Baseball Bill Shannon dies in West Caldwell house fire

Acting Essex County Prosecutor Robert D. Laurino announced Tuesday that Bill Shannon, 69, an official scorer for Major League Baseball, died in a house fire in West Caldwell this morning.

He began to explain to me that Mr. Shannon, who had been an announcer for the Mets for many years, was always one of his favorites.

"Thats too bad", I said.  "But they wrote the wrong title for his obituary"

"What do you mean?"

"It should have read..... Fire 1, Announcer 0!"

Apparently, my lack of showing the proper amount of sympathy for Mr. Shannon's untimely demise  prompted my aggitated friend to utter the mandate that I should go right to H - E - Double Hockey Sticks, before storming off.

I have a feeling that I wont be invited to his Christmas party this year.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dr. Giggles

My dentist blows.
I mean, he doesn’t “blow”, of course. 
I mean, he sucks.
Wait, that didn’t come out right either.
Why does everything I try to say come out sexual?
Anyway, regardless of the issue of whether or not my dentist enjoys performing fellacio,  what I MEANT to say is that he REALLY pissed me off this weekend.
I had an appointment for 9A.M. Saturday morning.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a “9.A.M. Saturday Morning” kind of person, so getting my sexy ass to a dental appointment at that time amounted to nothing short of a Herculean effort on my part.  Although I don’t look like it, I really DO need my beauty sleep.
Anyway, Saturday morning my alarm went off, so I threw on some clothes and sleep-drove my way over to the office.
No sooner did I walk in, when the receptionist looked at me with a troubled face and told me:
“I’m sorry, our pipes burst here this morning, so we can’t see anyone today. “
“Are you kidding me?”
“I’m sorry, but I’m not kidding.  I’ve been calling people to cancel appointments since I arrived”
She’d been calling people to cancel appointments since she arrived? 
Now, I don’t have the superior mindset to have yet climbed the corporate ladder high enough to have had the chance to obtain the lofty position of “Dental Office Receptionist”, but By Gosh, if I ever do, I’m gonna make sure that when I need to cancel appointments, I’M FIRST GONNA FUCKING CALL THE FUCKING PEOPLE  WHO WERE DUE TO COME IN AT 9 FUCKING A.M.!!!!!!!!
Who the hell did she call first… the 3 o’ clock gingivitis emergency? 
Maybe she sorted her appointment list by middle initial, and decided to call people in THAT order instead, just to change things up a little?
Or perhaps she decided to call people in order of penis size? 
Ascending order, of course…….

Friday, October 22, 2010

You’ve Got To Know When To Fold

I’ve got a bit of a confession to make.

For the past few months, I have been slightly obsessed with playing poker.

Specifically, Texas Hold ‘em.

It all started innocently enough…. Some friends organized a poker night over the summer, and it was great fun. I have always enjoyed playing poker, but I’ve never really had the outlet to play it too often.

Then, the strangest thing happened: I found this new invention called The Internet.

And you know what? Aside from housing a remarkably large collection of pornography (which i hear is apparently fairly popular), the intenet also has sites where you can gamble on-line!

Wait, let me get this straight: I can go to the internet, give the friendly computer salesman my credit card, and play 10-Man Texas Hold ‘em WHENEVER I WANT?

Holy Crap this isn’t good.

I’ve been playing on one of these sites,, for about 2 months now, and since I haven’t lost my house in a big pot yet, I think I’ll be playing for awhile longer.

Actually, I haven’t lost THAT much yet, but it’s only a testament to my unbelievably strong will-power (and piercing brown eyes) that I haven’t lost a sinful amount of money so far.

It’s actually an outstanding website. And you can play poker (or blackjack, or anything really) any time you choose. No matter the time of day, there are always THOUSANDS of people on, playing anything from standard poker, to Texas Hold ‘em, to Omaha rules, to whatever. There are literally thousands of variants, letting you always get a game of EXACTLY the kind of poker you want to play.

My current obsession is Double Or Nothing. 10 people play standard Texas Hold ‘em, with a one-time buy-in getting you $1,500 in chips. The catch in this game, however, is that you are not required to be the last man standing. In THIS variant, you only have to be one on the final 5 players at the table to DOUBLE your money! The other five players all get a nice helping of jack and squat.

It REALLY is a very fun way to play. Even if I have come in 6th place (thereby JUST missing the money) a MADDENING amount of times.

Anyway, this weekend I will undoubtedly be online, trying my hand in just ONE more game.

After all, Mini-Me needs his college tuition, doesn’t he?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The End Of My Rope

I’ve just about had it.

As I have mentioned/bitched/ranted about previously, there is something wrong with this site.

And no, you wiseasses, I don’t mean that there is obviously something wrong with this site because its ME running it…..

…. I mean that there has been, for over 2 months now, something going on with this site that is preventing a large amount of you all from getting here.

When I first started getting emails from some people saying that they couldn’t get here anymore, I dismissed them as kooks. After all, only kooks come here, right?

But as the emails and Facebook messages continued to come in, I started to realize that maybe these people weren’t so kooky after all.

Being the Take Charge kind of stud that I am, at first I did what I always do when there is an immediate crisis. I pretended that it wasn’t happening and hoped it would just fix itself and go away.

It hasn’t.

I have tried speaking with my domain hosting company, who tell me that they don’t see anything wrong, and think it must be a Google thing.

I have tried posting on the Google Blogger forums, and the general consensus by the asshats who think hanging out in Google forums all day is cool is that they have never heard of such a problem, have no idea what it could be, and were generally NO help whatsoever.

Whatever it is, it’s an odd problem to be sure. Some of you are getting a PAGE CAN NOT BE DISPLAYED error when you try to come here. Some of you are getting a DNS Unresolved Hostname error. Some of you can come here, but are unable to leave a comment. Some of you can read me fine and dandy in your feed readers, but get any combination of the above errors when you actually try to come here.

And some of you can still get here with no problems whatsoever. My own work computer gives me the DNS error, but I can still get here fine from home.

I am officially stumped. Granted, thinking isn’t my strong suit. I’m really all looks and no brains.

But regardless, I have to do something, anything, to get us back on track here.

I am going to go to war ONE MORE TIME with my domain hosting company, because I really believe the issue is with them. I’ll likely do this sometime this week. In the meanwhile, if you ARE having trouble getting here, could you please email me at apedone at optonline dot net and tell me exactly what error you are getting (exact message, work computer or home computer, when exactly you get the error, etc)? I will try to compile any info you guys give me and pass it along.

Provided THAT gets me nowhere (which is likely), I am forced to start thinking about just creating a new blog, and importing all the content over to the new one, and trying to start over. My fear in THAT regard is that once I redirect SLYDESBLOG to the new site, I am going to start having the same problems.

If THAT happens, if you open your bedroom window just a crack, wherever you live, you will undoubtedly hear me screaming my bloody head off.

I hope it doesn’t come to me having to switch blogs. I’d lose all my followers, and I’m not sure how it would affect all you sexy things that subscribe to me in your feed readers.

But all those problems are secondary to fixing this issue once and for fucking all.

Does ANYBODY have ANY ideas? Im all ears (and biceps, of course).

Friday, October 15, 2010

Where I’m At

Sorry to you all for abandoning you for almost 2 weeks.

As always, it was never my intention. Real life unfortunately reared up and kicked us right in the hinder last week.

My Father In Law, who was one of the best people I ever had the pleasure of knowing, lost his two year battle with cancer last week.

He was a good man, and a noble spirit. He had more responsibilities on his broad shoulders than most people could handle in a lifetime, and he carried those responsibilities for years without ever uttering one word of protest or regret. Those of you who know me know to which I speak.

I had the honor of calling him my father in law, as well as my friend, and I will miss him.

To all you kind soles who sent us your well-wishes through Facebook, phone, or in person, we thank you wholeheartedly.

Anyway, that’s it for now. I’ll get myself back on an even keel blogwise next week, when I will hopefully have the time to resume posting, and reading, all your fine words.

Monday, October 04, 2010

The Old Man And The Sea

Today marks two years since I lost my bestest friend in the world, my grandfather.

I don’t want to rehash old history. If you care to read about him, here is just one of the many posts I’ve written about him over the years.

On the contrary, I thought I’d mark the day by writing about one of our times together where he really gave me a good laugh. When I think of fun conversations that I had with him over the years, this one is usually the first that comes to mind.

On most Saturdays I would take him down to the pier. He was a fisherman through and through, and even when we WEREN’T fishing together, he loved for us to just sit by the pier to watch the boats come in, and see what people were catching.

One particular Saturday, as we sat eating lunch and watching boat owners come and go, either launching their boats into the bay, or pulling them out and hitching them back to their cars, he asked me how much I thought the dock master was charging people to use the boat launch to get their boat into the water.

“I dunno. Let’s go ask him. We’ll pretend we have a boat and are inquiring about pricing.”, I said.

So, we headed on over to the grizzly old man inside the guard tower, and proceeded to have the following conversation:

Me: “Hiya. Could you please tell me how much you charge to launch a boat from the ramp?”

OldDude: “It depends. Where do you live?”

Me: “I live in Babylon.”

OldDude: “Then it would cost you 40 dollars”

With that, we thanked him, and walked off.

As we were headed back to my car, my grandfather turned to me and said:

Grandpa: “Hey, wait a minute.”

Me: “What’s up?”

Grandpa: “You told that guy that we lived in Babylon.”

Me: “Yeah? So what?”

Grandpa: “Well, I don’t live in Babylon. You do. I live in St. James.”

Me: “So?”

Grandpa: “So? So they might charge a different amount if you are from St. James!”

I stopped and just stared at him for a few seconds to see if he was pulling my leg, before I finally replied:

Me: “We don’t really have a damn boat!!!”

Grandpa: “Yeah, good point.”

Two years now, and I still feel like my Saturdays are aimless……..