Tuesday, September 14, 2010

*@#$ You, Google!

As you might have noticed, I no longer have any Google ads displayed on the blog anymore.

What, you might ask, prompted me to take such a dramatic shift in my outlook on web advertising?

Perhaps I was thinking about you all, my loyal readers, who I decided were just too damn good and wholesome for the kind of advertising that was popping up on here…..

Or perhaps, I decided to just stop bending over for The Man and bring this blog back to its humble, non-corporate-sponsored beginnings.

Or maybe, they dropped me.

Ok, it’s that last one.

How did this happen, you might ask?

Let’s tell a story…….

Once upon a time, about a year ago, a young handsome INSANELY HOT prince decided to make some side money on his blog, and put up some advertising by making a deal with the evil, King Google. Oh yeah, King Google was fat and impotent, too.

Anyway, after agreeing to the deal, the Hot Prince was dismayed to discover that he would not get paid out when his account accrued every 10 dollars, as he had initially thought. No, through dubious advertising and legal-speak, he learned that he would only get paid out every 100 dollars. Clearly, the Hot Prince wasn’t going to get his first payment for a LOOOONG time, as most weeks he seemed to earn only a few cents. Sometimes, he would earn a buck here or there, but it certainly wasn’t the norm.

Until 2 weeks ago, when, much to his glee, he discovered that he earned about 10 dollars in 1 week!

Now, suddenly VERY interested in his daily stats, he began checking his earnings every day. To his surprise, his earnings seemed to more than double each day! 5 dollars on Monday, $12 on Tuesday, 25 on Wednesday! It was like a dream come true. In the space of a week, the Hot Prince had accrued almost $99 dollars worth of earnings. Before the week was out, he was going to be paid for all his hard work! Things were certainly beginning to look up for the Hot Prince’s blogging career.

That is, until the next day, when the flaccid King Google sent the Hot Prince a message, saying that they found his reported web clicks to be FRAUDULENT and that his account was to be suspended immediately!

“There HAD to be some mistake!”, thought the Hot Prince (who was hung like a horse, by the way… have I mentioned that yet?). So he quickly took quill to parchment and wrote King Google a letter showing his displeasure at this decision, and asking for some kind of explanation.

For TWO weeks the Hot Prince waited for his reply, and when one finally DID come from King Google, the Hot Prince was disgusted to find that all he received was a form letter saying that they are sticking with their decision, with STILL with no explanation about this alleged “Fraudulent” activity.

At this point, the Hot Prince became enraged. After all, he had been hawking ads on his site for 9 months now, in good faith that at some point he would be compensated for his efforts. To pull them now, when it finally appeared that he would get his due, seems quite shifty and it’s FUCKING BULLSHIT!

Anyway, the Hot Prince is going to try one last appeal to get my (er, I mean HIS) money, but he is not the least bit hopeful.

Have any other Princes or Princesses out there had any similar tales about advertising through King Google?

Because right about now I’m mad enough to punch them in their virtual nutsack.


Tamara said...

With regards to your tag, probably not.

Heff said...

Adsense dropped ME for using terms like "FUCKING BULLSHIT", so you've got THAT going for you, LMAO !!!

Brittany said...

I never put up ads. I figured shady shit would happe nlike this!

Verdant Earl said...

And I'm sure YOU had nothing to do with the, ahem, alleged fraudulent web clicks.

Slyde said...

tam: ya think?

heff: did they REALLY drop you?

brit: and you'd be right!

earl: what sir, are you implying?

Radioactive Tori said...

Well that sure sucks.

sybil law said...

That is some serious fucking bullshit.
And not just the hung like a horse thing, either.

Heff said...

Hell yeah. Dropped my ass for "content".

AdBrite LOVES Heff, but they don't pay worth a fuck.

Susan Higgins said...

I didn't do Google Ads, I didn't want to clutter up my readers space when I'd only make a few pennies...

Sorry that happened to you... that is pretty crappy. I definitely won't do it now.

I think google owns Blogger too... because of that, I back up my content a lot so that I don't suddenly get lock out of my blog because of something retarded.

Slyde said...

radioactive: yup, it does. and welcome!

sybil: cmon baby... you know THAT part wasnt bullshit...

heff: adbright, huh? i'll have to check it out. the whole thing just pisses me off because i accrued money for 9 months and now i have to start over.

sue: ya know hon, ive thought of doing that very same thing..

Real Live Lesbian said...

Bend over and don't wait for the kiss, my Prince.

terri said...

I've heard this same story SO many times! Oh the characters are different but the tragedy is always the same. Suspended accounts! Anytime I've thought about putting up ads, I think of all those hopeful bloggers who had the rug yanked out from under their feet and figure it's not worth the effort.

Jill said...

How does one even click fraudulently?!?!?

Lifeofkaylen said...

Yeah, this is my exact situation---up to the part where you actually started making money. I think I have like $9.00 after 3 years or some shit.
However my ads are small and at the very bottom of my blog so I'm surprised that they ever get clicked on at all.

And with that--I think I'm going to take them off!! I can't support someone who is mean to a Prince!!

Chris H said...

You have been ripped off dude! did you really think you were gunna get even one single cent from having their ads on your blog? Derrrr.
This is why I have never done it.
I feel sorry for all the suckers out there. Maybe some do get money? But I doubt it.

Slyde said...

reallive: i never do... wait, what?

terri: really? you've heard similar stories? i find that both calming and disheartening..

jill: im not sure yet. maybe i did it with my middle finger..

kaylen: thanks for the support, sister!

chris: you know what? i really did. i figured google was a big enough company to not be this shady...

meleah rebeccah said...

Wow. You're totally getting ripped off. What proof do they have to back up this outrageous fraudulent claim? Oh that's right they dont have any because they wont reply to you unless it's a form letter.


AlleyCat Runs said...


& Neigh :0)

Cocaine Princess said...

This Princess has received quite a few ads from Google promoting their "make money by displaying ads on your blog," but I know someone else who did and truly you don't really make that much. I've even seen ads/pictures with people smiling and holding cheques and underneath it says: I've make $500.00 a week displaying ads on Google and so can you!"

P.S. I just noticed now on the side of your blog : "I've Seen All This People Naked....."
Hmm, funny I don't remember stripping down in front of you.

Dr Zibbs said...

I just got a $100.32 check from them for the ads on my blog. The check was sitting around since May because my wife thought it wasn't real and threw it in a pile.

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

I have heard Google AdSense is the worst when it comes to paying out, and their payouts are very miniscule compared to some other ad networks. I have had ads on my site for three years and have only reached about 40 dollars. Sigh.