I think my dentist tried to get me to do something bad yesterday.
And no, I’m not talking about the time that my dental hygienist attempted to rape me in the dental chair when we were alone in the office one Saturday (did I ever tell that story?).
No, that’s not what I’m talking about here. And I wouldn’t be up for that, anyway. My new dentist doesn’t look like the one in the banner picture. For one thing, she weighs about 200 pounds more than the girl above. And, she’s a guy.
Either one of those things is a real turn off for me.
What was I talking about again?
Oh yeah. So, I’m at the dentist yesterday, getting my teeth molded for a bite plate that I need to start wearing at night so I stop grinding my teeth (Of course, if people would just stop swinging my kitchen faucet back and forth like they’re sawing a redwood, I probably would stop grinding my fucking teeth at night).
Anyway, this stupid thing is going to cost me a boatload of cash, and I’m not happy about it. On the way out of the office, my dentist stopped me and said, “Hey, don’t you work for XXXXX?”. For those that don’t know, I work for an HMO and no, it’s not really called XXXXX (I think they TRIED to name it that, but someone in the porn industry beat them to it).
“Yup”, I said, not sure where this was going. A lot of my doctors ask me to talk to someone in the claims department, to help them get paid quicker. Hell, if I had THAT kind of pull here, I’d use it to get MY fucking claims paid quicker.
“You know”, he continued, “If you could help promote me over there, I could make it worth your while. REALLY worth your while”.
Then he walked off to deal with his next patient.
I have to admit, I’m stumped. I really have no clue what he would like me to do for him.
Mind you, I’m not above bending the system to get myself a free bite plate. On the contrary, I can most definitely be bought off. Hell, if I can make this happen.......BITE PLATES FOR EVERYBODY! I’m Buying!
I’m just not sure what he wants me to do.
Maybe I should go to work wearing a big sandwich board with his picture on it?
Too overt? Maybe.
Or perhaps I can just throw in a good word about him around the office whenever I can.
“Hey Slyde, how is that enrollment project going?”
“Not bad, Bob, but it would go a HELL of a lot better if more people’s teeth were cleaned by Dr. Potbelly! My GOD he's one HELL of a dentist!”
Anyway, I’m a lover, not a businessman. If anyone can tell me what you think he wants me to do for him, I’m all ears.
And if I DO turn him down, I have to do it in a way that doesn’t offend him.
The LAST fucking thing I want after my next visit is to come out of my novacane to see him quickly buttoning up his pants, and him telling me that I “really need to rinse”.