Monday, August 02, 2010

You Know What Gets My Goat?

It’s chicks who are afraid to get their hair wet.

I mean, really! What the hell is up with that?

I was at a block party on Saturday, and the local fire department came down to the event to spray the kiddies with some refreshing water on what was yet ANOTHER sweltering Summer day here on Long Island. At one point, the firemen let one of the young’uns up on top of the rig so he could shoot the water cannon himself.

Well, the mini-Last-Airbender decided it would be funny to turn the cannon on one of the groups of people standing off to the side of the street.

Now, I’ve gotta stress here that I’m not talking about shooting a high-pressered water hose at some senior citizens, knocking them over and sending them pin wheeling down the street (although, by gosh would THAT be fucking funny!).

No, the fire department had the cannon on top rigged so that it was just shooting out a light rain. Kinda like when you set your Garden Hose on “mist”.

But Holy Shit, you would think that they were pelting out globs of fucking LAVA to the group of cackling hens that went running off in all directions. Walking through the crowd later on, I heard all sorts of angry protests from these people….

“How dare they! I can’t get my hair wet! I just had it done!”

“They have some nerve! Now my hair is a mess! I can’t stay here like this…”

Blah blah blah.

Seriously, lighten up, Francis. It’s a summer block party, not the fucking Academy Awards.

I’m just always amazed at you chicks who have SOMETHING done to your hair that is apparently SO damn precious and unstable that even getting it damp will undo everything some gay guy did to it two weeks ago for $100.

I mean seriously… is it worth it? I can’t speak for EVERY guy (mostly because I’m just so much better looking), but I honestly prefer chicks who can run through a sprinkler and laugh about it without having to call in the Secret Service.

It’s an indication that you are high maintenance and uptight.

We don’t like that.

It’s also probably a good bet that you’re bad in bed.

If you care to prove me wrong, I can help you in that regard as well.

In the interests of science, of course.

p.s. This is all your gonna get from me this week, folks. Taking a mini-blog break where I’ll be incommunicado the rest of the week, so I won’t even be gracing YOUR blogs with my sexy avatar in the comments. Next week, the world should be slightly back to normal.


Verdant Earl said...

I've become a bit more aware of what the elements are doing to my own hair since I started growing it long, but I am awesome in this clearly isn't about me.

Mrs. Hall said...

the key is, 'what some gay guy did for 100 bucks'.

first we have to find babysitters, then we have carve out two hours, then we have to sit and have our hair did and have it did just right.

then THEN

we come to the party looking fierce!

YOU have no idea the time and effort.

this is why I do my own hair and nails. i just don't have the time or the $$ to schedule it.

that being said, after about an hour I forget about my fabulousness because by then everyone has noticed.

then AND ONLY THEN may you spritz me with a hose :)

sybil law said...

You have a goat?!

Personally, I can't stand bitches like that, either. I avoid them at all costs.

And I fucking ROCK in bed, so I know none of this was directed towards ME.

Slyde said...

earl: your hair certainly IS lucious...

holly: im tempted to make a joke about spritzing you with my hose, but im mature so i wont.

sybil: you keep saying that, but ive yet to see any proof. When are you coming over?

Nej said...

Yes, if I'm going to an event (wedding, graduation, etc), maybe I'd get upset about my "look" being tampered with.....but a block party?

Actually, unless it's MY wedding or graduation, I can't say that I'd get upset then either.

Any outdoor event, at least here in the sweltering midwest where heat and humidity are so high, anything other than a ponytail is just plain silly. :-)

Slyde said...

Nej: i agree. see, i knew you were down to earth....

Heff said...

Let's get down to the important shit, here. How many of the women were wearing white T-Shirts when hosed ?

SK Waller said...

I agree! What's up with all that shit?

Sorry, that's all I can come up with today.

Brittany said...

I feel the same way!!!

If I am going to a wedding or some other big event, I don't want anyone to ruin my hair, but otherwise, I'm down for whatever! I love running through the sprinkler, and having a good time!

I HATE HM girls!

Dr Zibbs said...

I hear you.

And you'll love this.

I was at a graduation party last week and this chick that is totally like that got thrown in the pool. It was so great because everyone was waiting for her to throw ahissy fit.

Sadly she didn't. In front of everyone at least.

But she had to go in an reapply all of her makeup. Pul-ease. It was a friggin' pool party!

Brown said...

I've used the "uptight and bad in bed bit too". Quite effective. Of course, I've never really needed to, because of my sexy brownness, but it is entertaining.

Again, I must side with you on this one. Guys much prefer a girl who can not only glitz up for an award dinner, but run through the sprinkler worry free (preferably naked). You've hit the mother load if she can pop the hood of a car...

Evil Twin's Wife said...

If it's hot and I'm all sweaty anyway, my hair will be in a ponytail anyway, so to get it wet? No problemo.

Shania said...

You have a goat? Can it do my hair?

Marlene said...

Ok, I laughed out loud at this part:

It’s also probably a good bet that you’re bad in bed.

If you care to prove me wrong, I can help you in that regard as well.


Have a great time away from all our blogs. You'll miss us.

badgerdaddy said...

True story - when I read the header of this blog post, I spent an age trying to work some kind of Jurassic Park, the T-Rex gets your goat gag out. And you know what? Telling you this is all I've got.

Tamara said...

Your post tags continue to disturb me, Slyde ;-)

But I've found that since the gecko.

Did that get your goat?

Lifeofkaylen said...

I don't get it, but I also don't get someone spending so much money to have their hair done on a frequent basis.

And if you are at an outdoor party, don't you expect that you won't walk away looking as perfect as you came?

Bruce Johnson said...

Women are by nature insecure. Some are VERY insecure. hend the need to primp and prim themselve at all hours of the day (well into their 80s). Its an illness really, a very sad illness. I agree, theat the most beautiful woman is the one that can run through the sprinkler and any age.

Chris H said...

You would LIKE me, I am not high maintenence! I dont give a shit if my hair gets wet!

Cocaine Princess said...

Not only did your label have me cracking up but so did this:

..."some gay guy did to it two weeks ago for $100."

Too funny!

P.S. I look forward to your sexy avatar gracing my comment thread next week. Have a great time with your mini-me!!

meleah rebeccah said...

"Seriously, lighten up, Francis. It’s a summer block party, not the fucking Academy Awards"

Ahahahahaha! For real! Hell, whenever I go to a block party, I wear my hair in a ponytail. And I have NO issue with getting it wet!

Faiqa said...

I just... this is... you know what? SCREW YOU, AT LEAST I HAVE AWESOME HAIR.

I'm proud to be uptight and high maintenance. I think I'd die a little if I were referred to as anything else.

2abes said...

your a pretty picky dude