Her: You know, the kitchen faucet is loose again. It’s all wobbly…
Me: I know, I just checked it out, and we need to be more careful with it. The screw that keeps it tight is starting to get stripped.
Her: But you fixed it?
Me: Yeah, but like I said, the plastic screw thingy piece is starting to strip.
Her: “Screw Thingy” Piece?
Me: That’s the technical term, yeah.
Her: Oh, Really?
Me: I don’t know what the Hell you call it. It’s like a plastic washer that screws over the hose and faucet under the sink to keep it all in place. I was just under the sink tightening it again and its getting stripped. We need to be careful with it.
Her: Well, then we might need to go by a new one.
Me: Where the hell am I going to get something like that? I don’t even know what the fuck it’s called.
Her: It’s easy. You just take it to Home Depot and show it to them and ask them what it is.
Me: Yeah, easy for you. I go into Home Depot with this thing and walk around like I’m mentally handicapped looking for a “real man” to help little feminine ME find what every OTHER guy in the store could look at and say “Oh, that’s a thingamabob! You really don’t know what that is? You’re a dick!”
Her: No one is going to say that.
Me: Yeah, but they “think” it. It’s humiliating.
Her: Whatever. We need a new thingamabob.
Me: Ooooor, you can just stop turning the faucet back and forth like you’re churning fucking butter and stop stripping the damn thing.
Her: I’m SUPPOSED to be able to swing it left and right. It’s made that way.
Me: And I’m SUPPOSED to know the name of things like this, but I don’t. Life is full of failed expectations.
Her: The Faucet is MADE to be able to be swung left and right….
Me: Obviously not. If it was MADE that way, the fucking thing wouldn’t be stripping.
Her: You’re an asshole.
Me: Maybe. Have fun washing the fucking dishes with the outside garden hose….