Monday, August 30, 2010

A Story About 'Stripping' That Isn't Sexy At All

Last night’s conversation during dinner…..

Her: You know, the kitchen faucet is loose again. It’s all wobbly…

Me: I know, I just checked it out, and we need to be more careful with it. The screw that keeps it tight is starting to get stripped.

Her: But you fixed it?

Me: Yeah, but like I said, the plastic screw thingy piece is starting to strip.

Her: “Screw Thingy” Piece?

Me: That’s the technical term, yeah.

Her: Oh, Really?

Me: I don’t know what the Hell you call it. It’s like a plastic washer that screws over the hose and faucet under the sink to keep it all in place. I was just under the sink tightening it again and its getting stripped. We need to be careful with it.

Her: Well, then we might need to go by a new one.

Me: Where the hell am I going to get something like that? I don’t even know what the fuck it’s called.

Her: It’s easy. You just take it to Home Depot and show it to them and ask them what it is.

Me: Yeah, easy for you. I go into Home Depot with this thing and walk around like I’m mentally handicapped looking for a “real man” to help little feminine ME find what every OTHER guy in the store could look at and say “Oh, that’s a thingamabob! You really don’t know what that is? You’re a dick!”

Her: No one is going to say that.

Me: Yeah, but they “think” it. It’s humiliating.

Her: Whatever. We need a new thingamabob.

Me: Ooooor, you can just stop turning the faucet back and forth like you’re churning fucking butter and stop stripping the damn thing.

Her: I’m SUPPOSED to be able to swing it left and right. It’s made that way.

Me: And I’m SUPPOSED to know the name of things like this, but I don’t. Life is full of failed expectations.

Her: The Faucet is MADE to be able to be swung left and right….

Me: Obviously not. If it was MADE that way, the fucking thing wouldn’t be stripping.

Her: You’re an asshole.

Me: Maybe. Have fun washing the fucking dishes with the outside garden hose….


Verdant Earl said...

I'm the same way. I'm supposed to head to the hardware store this afternoon to buy hooks that I can screw into a metal door to hang this shade thing we bought. I'll let you know how that particular conversation with the real men who work there goes.

Heff said...

It's my experience that Home Depot employees don't know what the fuck they're talking about either, so you might feel right at home, lol !

sybil law said...

What if she said she'd give you a blow job?
Usually works for me.

Marlene said...

Happy Birthday to you this week! No one should have to fix anything on their birthday week. Outside with the kitchen hose, it is. ;)

Brittany said...

:)) poor wifey!

Chris H said...

I agree with your wife, you are an ASSHOLE. Luckily for you she must love you eh?
Go take the darn thing to the homestore and get a new one you twit.

Chris H said...

OH and I totally LOVE how most of your conversations with your wife end with her calling you an asshole! So precious.

latindog said...

Most of Slyde's conversations with everyone end that way.

Vinomom said...

I really don't get what is so DIFFICULT for men about asking where something is in a store??

The BF refuses to do it. Even if it's a grocery store. If he can't find it in two trips down the supposedly right aisle, then he ain't comin' home with it.

Shania said...

Take a picture of it. Then you don't have to look like a dork carrying a faucet around the store.

meleah rebeccah said...

Ahahahahahahahah!! You two crack me up! Ahahahahahahha

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i am the diva said...

Happy Birthday Slyde!

Slyde said...

hey, thanks sexy!

Cocaine Princess said...

Hey was it your birthday? If so,
Happy (Belated) Birthday.

The above conversation was hilarious! So, did you ever get to Home Depot and find out what it was called?