I have a confession to make. I realized this morning that I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it here before.
No, I’m not talking about my chronic case of well-hung-itis. That’s a burden that I have learned to bear.
No, I’m talking about the fact that, for years, I have suffered from a chronic case of Telephobia.
What is that, you might ask?
I have a REAL, crippling fear of talking on telephones.
I wish I was making that up, but it’s true.
It’s not just ‘talking’ on telephones that drives me apeshit, really. It’s just when I have to talk to STRANGERS on telephones, or if I have to have an uncomfortable conversation on a phone that drives me crazy.
Case in point: Last week Friz and I bought new cell phones, and because she has begun texting her friends like a 16 year old high school girl (don’t get me started), we got one of those heavy-duty texting plans.
Imagine me then this past weekend when my usually calm mental Happy Place was blown to shit when I decided to check our cell phone bill on-line and saw that our phone bill for the last 2 weeks alone was ALREADY OVER THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS!
When I checked out the bill details, it clearly showed that we had accrued about $225 in texting charges. Apparently, my friendly cell-phone salesman fucked up our purchase plan, and I was paying 30 cents per incoming AND outgoing text. Awesome.
Obviously, there was no way I was going to pay that. And we needed to correct our billing plan.
There was only one small problem with that. In order to get this corrected, I was going to have to actually SPEAK with someone.
Someone I don’t know.
And I’d probably have to argue with them till I got my way.
That was enough to send a chill down my spine.
So, I did the only thing I could do….. what I ALWAYS do in these kinds of situations.
I let Friz take care of it.
She can be a real bulldog with things like this. She’s fearless when dealing with people, and can be a right bitch when she needs to. Within 30 minutes, our bill was wiped clean, our correct texting plan was in place, and I even got my data plan on the new phone included for free.
Another crisis averted.
I don’t know how this shit started with me, but I just can’t handle it. It’s so strange because it just completely doesn’t jell with the rest of my personality. I don’t know if you’ve been able to pick this up from any of my previous posts, but I have a bit of an ego problem.
And I have no problem causing a scene in person when I need to. I just can’t seem to bring myself to do it on the phone.
I don’t ever answer my phone at home. I have an answering machine, and it pisses my friends off to no end to have to speak into it when they KNOW I’m fucking home, before I pick up the line to talk to them.
The reason I don’t just pick up the phone when it rings? Because there might be a stranger on the line and it freaks me out.
I know this is pretty fucked up, but I’ve been like this pretty much my whole life. It makes having to call vendors at work and complain about something a REAL fucking pleasure….
Anyone else have a problem like this? At some point in my life I’d love to FINALLY get over this shit…..
It’s frustrating because, as we all can agree, I’m absolutely PERFECT in EVERY other way, both physically and mentally.