Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Breakin’ The Law

Where to begin?

As you could imagine, anyone who looks even HALF as good as me usually has a LOT of friends.

I am, of course, no exception. My looks just naturally draw people in, wanting desperately to become a part of my inner circle. It’s a gift, and a curse.

Anyway, there was a big brew-ha-ha amongst my flock a few months ago, when at a small get-together at a friend’s house, some prescription pills went missing from their upstairs bathroom. They KNEW that the pills had been taken, since they had just filled the prescription the day before, and had counted the amount.

This left us with the unthinkable job of trying to figure out which one of our close friends could have actually STOLEN from another member of our group. Everyone present was very close. I couldn’t imagine ANY of them stealing, ever.

Anyhow, through some pretty incriminating evidence which I won’t get into here, our friend became convinced that our other friend, Linda, was the one who took the pills. Linda, of course, denied it vehemently. Harsh words were exchanged, and after some exchanges, Linda was expelled from our group.

Even though the evidence we had was pretty damming, and her behavior and explanations were, to put it mildly, bizarre, the whole thing just never sat right with me. I was very close with Linda, and I always held out, in the back of my mind, the belief that one day another explanation would surface.

Years ago, Linda was a bit of a wild child, and admitted to us on many occasions that she had done and sold drugs in her youth. The evidence that she had taken my friend’s pills had nothing to do with Linda’s past, but I couldn’t help but feel that people were still using that against her.

In short, in the past few months since this all happened, I have felt really bad about what went down, and how Linda was ostracized from our group.

Until last week.

I was online Monday morning, just reading the local news, when I clicked the link to the local police blotter. You know what that is, right? It’s the part of a local paper that will list all the recent crimes in the area. “Joe Schmoe on 1313 Mockingbird Lane was arrested on June 8th for drunk driving”, etc. I usually read it for a laugh, and to see how many miscreants live within a 5 block radius from me (It’s more than I’d like, that’s for damn sure).

Anyway, I’m sure you’ve all guessed where this is going, but obviously for me, on that Monday morning, I pretty much dropped a load of poo in my pants when I read that, on May 20th, my good friend Linda had been arrested for burglary! I could not BELIEVE what I was reading.

I have a friend who’s a NYC detective, who was able to look her up in the system and found out some more details, and it’s been a week now and I STILL can’t believe it.

I found out that she is out on bail, and is scheduled for a court date this week.

I really went out on a limb for this chick, and I feel like a first class jackoff for defending her to everybody the way I did.

I am very tempted to take the day off from work this week, and sit in on her court date. Just to sit in the back, not saying a word.

Just so she can see me. To let her know that I KNOW. We all do. And she should be ashamed for taking our trust and shitting all over it like she did.

But I guess that’s just me being petty and vindictive. It’s not like making her feel even worse would actually serve a purpose or FIX anything.

Except perhaps my ego.


Vinomom said...

Holy Shit! What a story! I need to get in your inner circle and bring popcorn!

sybil law said...

So she's obviously really not even trying to hide it, either. I mean, who takes a WHOLE BOTTLE? That's just stupid!
I'd totally have been you, though. I always defend people even when I think they're probably guilty, because unless there's a videotape of the event, there's always that chance they might not be.

Slyde said...

vino: you're in!

sybil: Thats just it.. she didnt take the whole bottle, just about 50 pills of vicodin. If my friend hadnt counted the day before, she probably wouldnt have caught her.

Nat said...

It's a great shock to realise someone you know is a crim.
One of the guys I worked with ages ago did 4 months for smuggling...nothing as exciting as drugs, but he used to breed rare tropical plants in his greenhouse and got arrested bringing back protected species that he said he bought on the street in Indonesia. It was all over the papers,including where he worked etc (he was a bit of a hot shot scientist)...luckily long after I'd left the place....but I found out in the newspaper too!

Slyde said...

nat: isnt it unnerving?

p.s. you wouldnt happen to still have any of those "special" plants, would you? :)

Marlene said...

Wow....just wow. I can't even imagine how I'd feel if I had stuck up for someone who didn't deserve it. In the end, this is all on Linda...not you. That you went out on a limb for her shows that you're compassionate and believe in the good in people. That she betrayed your trust shows she's a rat. :(

Thanks for stopping by my blog....though to clear things up - it was SIX LIES and just one truth. ;) Looking forward to YOUR take on that one next week!

Heff said...


and for the record, get-togethers that take place at HBAG, everyone is forced to potty outside because the bathrooms are off limits to prohibit such offenses.

Slyde said...

marlene: now i just need to see if i have the guts to do it!

heff: is that why your plants in your garden are so lush and green?

Jill said...

Ugh. :-( It must be awful to be disappointed like that. You weren't a first class jackoff though. You just wanted to believe better of her. I'm sorry she had to let you down that way. Yuck.

Mrs. Hall said...


because 80% of my patients are addicted to something and therefore I work with addicts every day.

What your friend has, is an addiction. There is a trajectory of behaviors that indicate the severity of addiction. Selling and using drugs qualifies her in the severe range.

I realize she had done those things as a teen but addiction is a life long disease, prone to relapse and very treatment resistant.

So, unless she went to rehab, AND WAS CONTINUING to seek help for her addiction, I would have called her the thief right away.

Because she may be an upstanding citizen, head of the U.N., mother of the year, etc ...it doesn't matter. Because stealing friend's medication is an addict crime.

Really, it's an addiction issue. She's not a moral weakling, she is just struggling with a brain disease. Living, usery and thievery are avenues to obtain the substance she is addicted to.

I wouldn't take it personally Slyde. She's an addict, lying and standing behind you while you defended her, knowing full well the truth-this is typical.

When the addict in the chase for their substance people become tools to achieve their goals.

The addict brain on fire burns most everything in it's path.

And this is so sad. Because she is now hurt all of you, and you the most. But, there is still hope.

She is now under the attention of the authorities. She has massive external motivation to take a good luck in the mirror and recognize that lying, being a thief and being ostracized is a problem. A problem caused by her addictions.

Hopefully she realizes this. But, denial is a huge part of this disease and this is sadder still.


Dammit if I don't have hope.

She is struggling with consequences now. This is good. If she uses this struggle to recognize she has a problem THEN has the courage to ask for help, IT'S OUT THERE.

You can give her the stink eye all you want but if she does come back to you, encourage her to get help.

Because that's what she needs above all. And for all that is holy, don't let her back in your life until she's gotten help.

lastly, let me leave you with this nugget:

How can you tell an addict is lying?

There mouths are moving.

(it's true)

Verdant Earl said...

Maybe she turned to a life of crime AFTER all of her friends abandoned her. I blame you!

Slyde said...

Jill: yeah, i'm sorry about the whole thing, too.

holly: as always, thanks for the prose. I DO agree with you, and i do feel bad because this isnt some young chicky here.. she's a wife and mother and i feel bad that her 3 kids, who were friends with my son, will probably never see each other again.

earl: Posting fail.

Having your reply directly under Holly's is like having Yahoo Serious follow Laurence Olivier.

teeni said...

This sucks Slyde. I admire you for not immediately throwing her under the bus because I would have wanted to hope she was not responsible for the missing pills myself. Evidence definitely shows that she has a lot of issues though, and Mrs. Hall's comment makes a lot of sense. I'm just sorry that it must have hurt to witness all this going on. Not pleasant at all.

Bruce Johnson said...

Please tell me that the names have been changed to protect the innocent (in that classic dragnet voice)....or you are in for a boatload of lawsuits on this post.

(and if Linda looked like the graphic in prision stripes, I would have given her the benefit of the doubt as well)

Evil Twin's Wife said...

The Evil Twin found his first girlfriend on the jail website - and she was NOT looking so great. LOL. We still can't figure out why she is in jail, though.

Shania said...

Sometimes being petty and vindictive feels pretty damn good. Especially when you've been used.

Slyde said...

teeni: nope, not pleasant at all

bruce: lawsuits? for saying someone has a court date? its not libel or slander if its a fact. But yes, names have been changed.

evil: got the URL handy? :)

shania: big time!

Brown said...

Who the eff leaves a whole bottle of vicodin lying around during a party? I'm not condoning stealing, but...

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Send me an email at eviltwinswife@gmail.com and I'll give you the info I have. LOL.

Anonymous said...

what makes you think she'd give a shit if you were there?

those with such problems are incredibly, even more indifferent and self absorbed than even those having a vain disposition. go figure.

if you really want to get even, force help on her against her will.

go be extra compassionate toward her, acting as if you still feel she is innocent; acting as if you are willing to blindly defend her

if she really is innocent, she'll be very thankful and if she isn't, your hyper-attention will drive her nuts. she may even be driven to admit her guilt, just to get rid of you.

Anonymous said...

Woah @ anonymous above. Chill person I get it; you're a tough lover but sometimes it just feels good to get meaningless revenge.

@Slyde I'd love our newspapers to have that section- especially if friends were arrested. It would add a nice long laugh over coffee one day.

On your friend Linda, using one of your off days on her seems a little bit of a waste of a day?! Use it for another day when one of the people still in your circle need you... or hung over from one of their parties :D

The Invisible Seductress said...

Slyde, that's really sad. It really is a shame when someone you think you knew turns into someone you don't want to.

Years ago I was in a neighborhood blotter by mistake..really it was!!! Me and my cute roomie saw the neighbor across the street uh,, pleasuring himself in our front yard at night. He did this a few times before we called the police on him. They put indecent exposure and our address!!! Eeeek

I still have the clipping to prove I am hardcore yo..

Chris H said...

GO to the court... I sure in hell would!

terri said...

Wow... and you think you know someone.


Cocaine Princess said...

You label for this post is totally perfect. My heart goes out to her kids. She's got a serious problem and hopefully she will get the help she needs.

P.S. I loved your opening intro.

Dr Zibbs said...

This may be waaay out of line but I think Earl did it.

And what kind of pills were they?

meleah rebeccah said...

That really sucks Slyde. Sorry to hear things turned out like that. What a shame. Really.

Nej said...

When you find out a friend is a criminal, it's strange. But when you now have even more reason to think they were a criminal against you, or your close friends....it's even stranger yet. Goes to show you that she has a serious problem. It's too bad. :-(