Thursday, April 15, 2010

Trying..So..Hard..Not..To..Laugh….


I need to set the stage for this one…

I needed to call into one of my typically boring conference calls. It’s a weekly meeting and I dread calling into it. It’s just one of those meetings that goes on for an hour, and I have to answer just one question each week, and that question usually doesn’t come till about 55 minutes into the meeting, so for the bulk of the hour I just listen to these faceless asshats ramble on about some such shit that I could care less about, while trying to stay awake enough so I can catch when they call my name so I can say “We’re still on target!” before hanging up.

One of THOSE kinds of meetings. You know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, at our company all conference calls are done through an automated service. The meeting organizer sets up a meeting, and then I have to dial a number at the proper time, and enter in the meeting code. Then the cheery automated voice asked me to “Please state your name.”. I say my name and then as I get placed into the conference, the rest of the group hears the recording of what I just said, followed by the automated voice saying “…has joined the conference”.

So what you might hear is something like this:

(Chick’s Voice): Sally Whatshername
(Cheery Robot Voice): Has joined the conference!


You get what I’m saying. I’m sure most of you use something similar at your offices.

Anyway, we were knee-deep into the torture of our weekly meeting, when someone who was very late to the meeting decides to finally join us and call in.

The problem is, I guess he had forgotten that the system asks him to say his name, because while it was recording, he must have been ranting to someone in his office….

Because what the rest of us all heard was…..

(Angry Male Voice): I can’t believe I have to dial into this shit! It gets worse and worse EVERY FUCKING DAY!
(Cheery Robot Voice): Has joined the conference!

Holy crap did THAT bring the meeting to a fucking halt.

After about 10 seconds of very uncomfortable silence from everybody, the meeting organizer, who doesn’t have a funny bone in his whole skinny body, demanded …

“Who just came on the line? Who was that?”

At this point I was literally pinching my earlobe to keep myself from busting out laughing.

10 more seconds of silence followed as the rest of us anxiously waited to see who the offending party was.

Whoever it was must have quickly played back in his mind the last minute of his life and realized what he had done because what we all heard next was….

(Angry Male Voice): I can’t believe I have to dial into this shit! It gets worse and worse EVERY FUCKING DAY!
(Cheery Robot Voice): Has left the conference!

That was exactly when I finally lost it. The laughter hit me like a tidal wave. The rest of the callers quickly followed suit, and the organizer, realizing that he had completely lost control of the situation, quickly adjourned the meeting.

I just can’t help but think that maybe we misunderstood the poor guy. Maybe he is an American Indian and that was just his slightly-longer-than-normal Indian name? You know… like Dances With Wolves or Sitting Bull or something.

Just a thought.

22 comments:

Mrs. Hall said...

oh gawd, that was sooo funny... laughed so hard... tears . . . knee slap!

ahh haa haa! so funny!

good times, good times!!

Being Brazen said...

bwhahahahaha! that is classic

i am the diva said...

oh lordy, to be a fly on the wall THAT day...

Vinomom said...

Oh man I would have paid good money just to experience that. Talk about classic.

Nej said...

I'm on conference calls with a company, from your neck of the woods, all the time. Same automated system for the calls. I would have paid for that to happen during one of ours. Awesome!!!!! :-)

SK Waller said...

You pinched your earlobe? Is that acupressure or something?

Great story!!!

Heff said...

Ha !

"Leroyyyyyyyyy NnnnnnnnJennnnnnnkinnnnnnnns !!!"

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Haha! I think I would have backed out too! :-)

Chris H said...

Good one! I would have hung up too.

Tamara said...

Wahahahahahahaha...

You made my Friday.

Nat said...

Hahaha! Wish something this funny when happen when I'm stuck on one of these 3-hour boring-as-hell calls :-)

livesbythewoods said...

Superb. It's shame your mystery colleague can't really brag about it though.

GiGi said...

OMG. Hilarious. I hear my hubby in his home office on calls all the time...I desperately try to keep the kids away from there....thank GOD for his phone's 'mute' button. They seem to KNOW when he needs silence, b/c they try to be loud.

Susan Higgins said...

Your post makes me wish I could be on conference calls again!

Very funny story - you told it well.

sybil law said...

That guy is my HERO.
Awesome! :)

dizzblnd said...

I would have LOVED to see the look on that guys face when he realized what had happened. I bet he changed his underwear

terri said...

I totally belly-laughed at this one! Hilarious!

2abes said...

Besides you, he was probably the only other intelligent caller...

mo.stoneskin said...

Simply superb. Funniest thing I've read in yonks. Beautiful stuff.

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh My God!! Thats SOFA KING funny!!!!!

Kaylen said...

Love it!!!
We have a similar type thing, but I don't think ours will announce the voices, however, everyone just stays silent when asked their name and then hits the pound sign to join the meeting. I'm going to try something fun next time though!!

Great story!

Cocaine Princess said...

OMG that was friggin HILARIOUS!!!!