So, I’m sitting here at work a short while ago, when suddenly I felt the need to go make pee-pee.
Anyway, off to the Men’s room I went.
Upon entering the bathroom, what did I spy with my little eye, but yet another dude already in there who just did NOT understand the “RULES OF THE GUY’S BATHROOM”!
You chicks may not know this, but there are a whole SLEW of rules, passed down through the ages, of what protocols guys are supposed to follow in the Men’s room.
Much like a dog inherently knowing how to swim, or a bat knowing how to hang upside down (or whatever the fuck else bats do), a “normal” dude just KNOWS how to act in the bathroom.
The guy I just shared my latest “bathroom experience” with obviously marches to the beat of his own drum.
For starters, there are 3 urinals in our bathroom here at work, and this guy was peeing IN THE CENTER URINAL!
You never EVER never EVER pee in the center urinal unless it’s the only one unoccupied, and even then it’s a judgment call.
On the contrary, when you walk into a bathroom with multiple urinals all in a row, you are supposed to pick one all the way on either end.
Why, you might ask?
Obviously so when I walk into the bathroom a second later, I can now pick the urinal on the OPPOSITE end from you, ensuring that there is zero chance of any homo-erotic hyjinx breaking out. That way, our wee-wee’s are as far apart as humanly possible.
But now, with this ass-hat taking care of business in the MIDDLE urinal, he forced my hand.
I HAD to take one of the urinals next to him.
So, there I was, hosing down the urinal while trying to remember the phone number to the National Urinal Tinkle Society (N.U.T.S.) so I can have this guy’s membership card revoked, when I saw him break RULE # 2!!!!
He turned his head and LOOKED AT ME!
YOU NEVER LOOK AT THE GUY NEXT TO YOU WHILE YOU ARE PEEING.
Never. Not ever. Not even if you think his hair might be on fire. You just don’t.
Staring straight ahead at the tiles and graffiti is standard protocol. Some prefer to stare into the urinal. Some rebels prefer to look up at the ceiling. All of these are acceptable.
However, looking at ME while we both have our Willies out is certainly NOT acceptable.
Anyway, I finished up as soon as I could, and high-tailed it out of there.
All in all, it was a truly harrowing experience.
I might require grief counseling.
GOT THE RIGHT DAY TODAY
3 hours ago