For starters, I’m much better looking.
But while I far surpass him in the looks department, Phelps would admittedly edge me out with his knowledge of pools.
Case in point:
Since the weather has warmed up this week, most of the snow we have suffered these past few weeks has melted.
The other day, noticing that there was an assload of water on the cover of my pool, I thought it was high time for me to turn the water pump on to get some of it off my cover before it rips from the weight.
The only problem is, having an above-ground pool, gravity eventually takes over and the damn hose, over time, always slowly slides out of the pool. Then I come outside the next day to find the hose on the floor, and none of the water has yet to be siphoned.
Luckily for me, I’m as smart as I am hot. So I came up with an INGENIOUS plan to keep the hose from sliding out of the pool.
I put a brick on it.
It was FOOLPROOF. The brick would keep the hose from sliding, and the water would be pumped off my cover.
I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddlesome kids!
Sorry, I accidently channeled Scooby Doo. I’m back now.
Anyway, the ONE thing that my genius intellect didn’t account for, was the wind.
Apparently, during the night, the wind (or a squirrel, or rat, or camel, or a Mexican, or SOMETHING) blew the brick into the pool, onto the cover.
With the weight of the brick pushing the cover ever lower into the pool, my trusty little pump kept pumping…
And pumping, and pumping, and pumping.
Cut to the next day, when I cheerily went outside to check on how my pump was doing…..
…Only to find out that my pump had gone above and beyond the fucking call of duty, apparently.
So, now my pool has about 15 inches of water in it, my backyard looks like i should have a fucking Gondola floating across it, and I’m none too happy about the whole mess.
I realize that many of you aren’t anywhere NEAR as smart as me, and might have had trouble visualizing the sequence of events as I described it.
In light of this, I decided to help any of you who couldn’t visualize this whole mess with a handy diagram.
While it’s a very technical diagram, I hope you can read through the scientific jargon and begin to understand the sequence of events that led to my current situation.
Does it all make sense now? Hopefully, that didn’t go over your heads and did the trick.
And yes ladies, that self-portrait is 100 percent anatomically correct.
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