I haven’t been around for awhile.
No doubt you all have been checking in here hourly, desperate like a junkie for your latest fix of “ME”.
I know I let you all down, but as the banner pic implies, I have spent the past 10 days over in the land of imagination, better known as “Disney”.
Sorry for not letting ya’ll know I was taking a vacay, but the truth is I don’t trust you reprobates enough to inform you all that I wouldn’t be home for an extended period of time. Armed with THAT kind of info, more than one of you wouldn’t have thought twice about breaking into my home, urinating on my pillow, and raping the cat.
Anyway, I’m back, and I’m EXHAUSTED.
I have some great pictures to put up for you, but that will have to wait a bit since I haven’t gotten around to downloading them off of the camera yet. For now, just use my masterful storytelling to paint an image in your mind.
On our second day in Florida, it was raining like Hell, so we opted for going to the indoor “Disney Quest”. It was a great idea, but unfortunately the rest of Florida had the same damn idea. The place was packed! Plus, most of the rides sucked. They sure as shit weren’t worth the crazy amount of time it took to wait on line for them. Plus, Mini-Me was about 1 inch too short to go on the cooler ones, so THAT went over like a lead fucking balloon.
Next we went to the top dog itself, Magic Kingdom. I hadn’t been there since I was 8 (they were BUILDING Epcot the last time I was there... I’m old), so it was nice to revisit it. We stayed from opening till closing, about 15 hours of pg-approved fun. Mini-Me loved every second of it. His favorite ride was The Haunted Mansion. The highlight for ME was to FINALLY get to go on Space Mountain, a feat I attempted to accomplish when I was 8, but after seeing a sign in front of the ride proclaiming a 2 1/2 hour wait, my father promptly declared “no fucking way” and I never got my shot. It was nice to finally check that off my Bucket List.
Everyone was pretty much exhausted after Disney, so we spent the next day having chicks check out my hot physique by the pool. Being a sex object gets old after a while. No it doesn’t.
Next up was Sea World, which was cool. I like imagining what I would do if the tank to the Shark cage cracked open while I was in there, flooding the room. How many sharks would I be able to punch in the nuts before they ultimately swarmed me and ripped me to pieces? I estimated 8. Anyway, they started the Killer Whale show with a very moving tribute to the chick who got killed 2 weeks ago, which was nice. The show was cool, until I looked over at Mini-Me, who had been uncharacteristically mopey all day, to see him sound asleep and burning up.
Guess what that meant? Strep Throat! On vacation! WOO HOO!
So, the next day he and Friz rested back at the condo, while the rest of us (we had another family, very close friends, go with us), went to Disney Hollywood. What a waste! This place blew chunks, and really was the only sour spot on our vacation. Everything had incredibly long lines (on a Monday!), half the attractions were either shut down or broken for the day, and the few we DID get to go on I thought pretty much sucked balls. I TOLD everyone we should have done Universal instead, but does anyone listen to me? NOOOOOOO! Why can’t people get it through their thick skulls that I’m not just a pretty face… .I have a brain, too!
We capped off the trip by going to Epcot on St. Patrick’s Day, which was phenomenal. We once again closed the park, and at the end of the night, I used my masculine wiles to sweet-talk a security guard into getting us into the VIP area to watch the fireworks show. Sitting there, from that incredible viewpoint, with Mini-Me on my lap, watching his beautiful face in wide wonder as we watched the fireworks, was without a doubt the highlight of the trip for me.
Anyway, I’m back, and I’m still sexy. As I said, I’ll try to get some pics up soon.
And check back next time when I tell you about our adventure getting home. It involves breaking the law and me having a run-in with an assault-gun-wielding officer of Homeland Security, and me pretty much pooping my pants.
GOT THE RIGHT DAY TODAY
3 hours ago