What Every Father Wants To Hear

If you live anywhere near me right now, you are surrounded by snow.

A LOT of snow.

So much snow that most schools and offices got to shut down or have a delayed opening, at least ONE of the past two days.

My company apparently didn’t get the fucking memo.

Anyway, through my frustration with having to schlep my ass to work in this weather, I still managed to have some fun Wednesday night with Mini-Me, out in the snow.

He wanted to build a snowman. We built a kick-ass one. We even bought a snowman kit, complete with the buttons and eyeballs and fake carrot stick and all. He had a ball. I was going to take a picture of it, but as luck would have it, my digital camera died last night, so no pics for you until I get it charged.

After we build the best snowman ever, he wanted to have a snowball fight.

So there we were, throwing snowballs at each other, as the rest of my neighbors were out and about trying to shovel themselves out.

Everything was going swimmingly, until a badly lobbed throw by ME hit Mini-Me squarely in the Family Jewels.

My son, looked at his crotch, then looked at me. Then he did it again.

Crotch. Me. Crotch. Me.

Then, with tears in his eyes, he looked at me accusingly and SCREAMED…..

“YOU HURT MY PENIS!”

Before I could tell him to kindly lower his damn voice, he started running all over the lawn screaming his new mantra:

“YOU HURT MY PENIS! YOU HURT MY PENIS!”

I looked around to notice my entire neighborhood taking a break from their shoveling to watch the free entertainment unfolding on my lawn.

There really isn’t much else you can do at such a point, except to sit my ass down in the snow and wait for Child Protective Services to come along.

Thankfully, they haven’t showed up yet. Maybe they’re stuck in the blizzard.

Or maybe in their haste to get to my house, they drove too fast over a snowbank and hurt THEIR penises.