Monday, January 04, 2010

Ringing In The New Year Right

So, my house almost burned to the ground on New Year’s Eve.

I guess that’s a sign that we had a good party.

In the olden days, when I was still young enough to know what was cool and what wasn’t, we used to throw some pretty wild parties. Some stuff used to go on during those festivities that could have gotten me arrested in most states… maybe even Arkansas!

But as time inevitably marches on, so too did our get-togethers get more and more tame. For instance, I’m pretty sure that for the last half dozen New Year’s Eve parties we’ve attended, we have had our jackets on by 12:10 and have been home by 1:00 AM. That doesn’t exactly make for too many wild stories.

This year we seem to have made up for the last few years.

To start off, we decided to have the party this year at our place. We invited about 20 people to help us ring in the New Year. If you weren’t on the list, then that means that we don’t like you.

Everyone was drinking. A lot. I mean, REALLY a lot. At one point, the furniture in the Dining Room got moved because the hard wood floors in there made for a great dance floor. While dancing, I’m pretty sure I got sandwiched between 2 hot people. I’m think at least one of them was female.

I also did something that I hadn’t done in YEARS. We played Team Beer-Pong. After winning the first game, the other team challenged us to a rematch, which we won. So of course we needed to play a third game, which we lost. So, they then likewise had to let us try for a comeback, etc. In the end, we played 7 consecutive games, but I’m not sure if you could call the last one technically a “game”, as by that point I was basically blind and just throwing the ping pong ball at the first noise I heard. At least I didn’t throw up, as did one of our opponents, who we beat handily.

I also did something else I hadn’t done in a bit. I smoked. And I’m not talking about cigarettes. I’m talking about smoking something else that made me attack the snacks we had with a wild abandon. Nothing beats standing out in the freezing snow at 11pm, hiding on the side of my house like a teenager, smoking something that is making me hack up half a lung.

The best part of the night, however, was when a bunch of us were all standing around the kitchen, and one of my friends casually walked by and told us that there was a fire in the dining room. She didn’t seem too concerned about it, so for a second, I just figured she was just talking about the candles that we had lit throughout the house.

I went back to whatever the hell I was doing, when she looked at me and screamed, “No, there is a FUCKING FIRE IN THE DINING ROOM!”

So, I run into the dining room, and ladies and gents, I could not BELIEVE what I saw there.

The huge centerpiece on the table had caught fire, and the entire fucking thing was lit up like a bonfire! The blaze was about 5 feet high, licking the chandelier and ceiling.

So, being the manly take-action dude that I am, I grabbed the thing, burning the fuck out of my hands in the process, and as someone held the door open, I ran outside and threw it into the snow.

I can only imagine my neighbors looking out their window and seeing me, drunk, stoned, and screaming like a little girl, doing the stop, drop and roll thing with a blazing inferno in my hands. It’s hard to look sexy after something like that.

Anyway, the party went on till daybreak. Many people actually crashed all over our house and left the next afternoon. It actually did my heart good to know that, when push comes to shove, and can still party like I did 20 years ago.

I just pay for it for a lot longer now.

So, how was everyone else’s New Years?

P.S. There may or may not be pictures of some of these antics that some of the party-goers put up on Facebook. I would advise any of my Facebook friends out there to NOT look at these pictures. Certainly not.


Mrs. Hall said...

Wow, soo cool! I have never played beer bong or smoked, um, herbal ciggarettes!

So jealous!

Glad everything came out all right!

You rock Slyde ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm killing my mailman. I never got the invite.

Chris H said...

I am sure my invite is still on it's way .... RIGHT? I would have loved to be there to see you stop, drop and roll... stoned and pissed out of your head!
Our New Year's was quiet. Very quiet compared to yours!
No happy baccky, no fires, no snow. How sad.

sybil law said...

I smoked NYE, too! It was AWESOME. Only, that isn't so crazy out of the ordinary for me. A lot of my friends are still complete hippie wanna - be's.
Anyway, why are you not my FB friend? Damn! Do you have me confused with Earl or something?
Seriously - need to party down with you AND Earl. I could use some sweet, sweet blackmail like that. :)

Verdant Earl said...

I stopped reading this stupid post after the sixth paragraph.

You suck.

PS - Gia hates you now.

Slyde said...

earl: we like Gia. alot.

we just hate you.

vixen kitten said...

I think I need pictures. :)

It doesn't seem like I need to say this....since you no doubt enjoyed yourself...but Happy New Year!


Evil Twin's Wife said...

That is insane! But, I'm glad you had a good time...I hope the damage is minimal. Happy New Year!

SK Waller said...

I'd like your parties. We had a crazy one, too, sans the fire and the spliff.


We did have a rainbow fright wig an Obama mask, and a lot of dancing though, and I can't remember going to bed.

Congrats on hosting a successful schnozzwangler and for reclaiming your youth! I felt about 33 myself, and I'm seriously glad that your house didn't burn down!

Anonymous said...

LMAO. I guess we are all due in the next few years to have something like that go down. Our parties,like you said, have gotten more and more tame over the years.

We've definitely fucked up some bathrooms in our day, trashed some kitchens, but I've never lit anything on fire!!

Thank god it was all good. And now you have the party reputation of a New Years God!!

mo.stoneskin said...

You smoked a sausage?!

Nat said...

You party animal! My NYE was a lot tamer, but it did involve animals.....large numbers of the stuffed variety, on display in a quirky Norwegian hotel.
You needed Kings of Leon to be playing when your house was on fire :-)

2abes said...

next year no candles...

Suzi Q said...

Sounds like you had one helluva homewrecker! Happy New Year!

Cuz said...

holy crap, what a NYE you had. LOL
alot more exciting than mine, i left a party about 12:15 and was home watching The Twilight Zone by 12:30. LOL

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

This made me lol so hard! Glad you had fun. Not glad you nearly caught your house on fire!

GeologyJoe said...

Fn sweet party Slyde. How do we get on the invite list for next year?

Unknown said...

Hello you sexy thing!!! Reading how you saved the day, er, night, has me smoking hot! LOL

Sounds like a great time, fire and all, and it sure beats the night I had.

Ahh, I remember the days.

Bruce Johnson said...

Needless to say, I have learned the art of being drop dead sexy without consuming gallons of alchohol or setting ourhome on fire.

The wife and I have a ritual. We fill up a Claw Foot Tub in the middle of our backyard with hot water and take a bubble bath at midnight each New Years. Sounds romantic and it is, except for all the gunfire that goes off at 12 midnight. Phoenix is such a fun city.

meleah rebeccah said...

Well, its never really a good party until something get sets on fire, or until the paramedics show up!

[in all seriousness, thankfully NO ONE was severely injured, [other than your hand] and thankfully your house didn't burn to the ground!]

Kate said...

Photos photos I want to see photos!
Congrats on your awesome NYE bash!

Sounds like the parties I have here, about once a month. With out the centerpiece fire, naturally.

We have our fires in the fire pit outside.
Ha hahahahahahahA!

Party like it's 1999 !

justsomethoughts... said...

attack the snacks, huh...

and earl's a keeper.
what with the baseball trivia and all...

terri said...

I feel so lame. I attended what can not so much be called a "party" but a get-together. We had coats on at 12:10 and were home by 12:30. Thanks to my husband's lame-ass work schedule, (he had to work the next morning) I was not present at the party my best friend had which sounded oddly similar to your party.

p.s. there's a setting on facebook where you can choose not to allow others to see photos tagged of you.

Anonymous said...

Good job saving the inferno. Good job on the partying too!
Have a great 2010.


Just telling it like it is said...

Hey I'm from Arkansas don't you mean West Virgina? Hahahah..

Glad your okay! Nothing like a good party you should of taken video!

My son loves Icarly too...He love hanna Montana too! Boys! He's 14 and still watches cartoons!

ChrisM said...

Did you invite the magician or John over for the party? Or was it both?

Just telling it like it is said...

Sly: thanks that was very sweet...althought I think I have evolved sometimes I go back and read some of them to see how much I have grown...No much still writing about sex...

Kimberly said...

What a 1/2 ass job...burn it to the ground.

Haley said...

the last time I smoked was a couple of months ago with my youngest brother. I was hiding behind one of our barns..and I was like freaking the kids were going to find me. I got so paranoid! When I went back inside the house, I headed straight to the cabinets and frig. I was popping popcorn in the microwave and fixing a bowl of ice cream at the same time. I felt someone watching me, i looked over my shoulder and my 16 year old was standing there and she said "omg mama is freaking stoned!"
Yea,it was pretty awesome.