So, my house almost burned to the ground on New Year’s Eve.
I guess that’s a sign that we had a good party.
In the olden days, when I was still young enough to know what was cool and what wasn’t, we used to throw some pretty wild parties. Some stuff used to go on during those festivities that could have gotten me arrested in most states… maybe even Arkansas!
But as time inevitably marches on, so too did our get-togethers get more and more tame. For instance, I’m pretty sure that for the last half dozen New Year’s Eve parties we’ve attended, we have had our jackets on by 12:10 and have been home by 1:00 AM. That doesn’t exactly make for too many wild stories.
This year we seem to have made up for the last few years.
To start off, we decided to have the party this year at our place. We invited about 20 people to help us ring in the New Year. If you weren’t on the list, then that means that we don’t like you.
Everyone was drinking. A lot. I mean, REALLY a lot. At one point, the furniture in the Dining Room got moved because the hard wood floors in there made for a great dance floor. While dancing, I’m pretty sure I got sandwiched between 2 hot people. I’m think at least one of them was female.
I also did something that I hadn’t done in YEARS. We played Team Beer-Pong. After winning the first game, the other team challenged us to a rematch, which we won. So of course we needed to play a third game, which we lost. So, they then likewise had to let us try for a comeback, etc. In the end, we played 7 consecutive games, but I’m not sure if you could call the last one technically a “game”, as by that point I was basically blind and just throwing the ping pong ball at the first noise I heard. At least I didn’t throw up, as did one of our opponents, who we beat handily.
I also did something else I hadn’t done in a bit. I smoked. And I’m not talking about cigarettes. I’m talking about smoking something else that made me attack the snacks we had with a wild abandon. Nothing beats standing out in the freezing snow at 11pm, hiding on the side of my house like a teenager, smoking something that is making me hack up half a lung.
The best part of the night, however, was when a bunch of us were all standing around the kitchen, and one of my friends casually walked by and told us that there was a fire in the dining room. She didn’t seem too concerned about it, so for a second, I just figured she was just talking about the candles that we had lit throughout the house.
I went back to whatever the hell I was doing, when she looked at me and screamed, “No, there is a FUCKING FIRE IN THE DINING ROOM!”
So, I run into the dining room, and ladies and gents, I could not BELIEVE what I saw there.
The huge centerpiece on the table had caught fire, and the entire fucking thing was lit up like a bonfire! The blaze was about 5 feet high, licking the chandelier and ceiling.
So, being the manly take-action dude that I am, I grabbed the thing, burning the fuck out of my hands in the process, and as someone held the door open, I ran outside and threw it into the snow.
I can only imagine my neighbors looking out their window and seeing me, drunk, stoned, and screaming like a little girl, doing the stop, drop and roll thing with a blazing inferno in my hands. It’s hard to look sexy after something like that.
Anyway, the party went on till daybreak. Many people actually crashed all over our house and left the next afternoon. It actually did my heart good to know that, when push comes to shove, and can still party like I did 20 years ago.
I just pay for it for a lot longer now.
So, how was everyone else’s New Years?
P.S. There may or may not be pictures of some of these antics that some of the party-goers put up on Facebook. I would advise any of my Facebook friends out there to NOT look at these pictures. Certainly not.
GOT THE RIGHT DAY TODAY
3 hours ago