Friday, December 04, 2009

Sometimes, The Funny Comes Right To YOU

Golf Digest, which you would normally have to pin my eyes open “Clockwork Orange” style to ever get me to try to read, put out their latest issue on newsstands this morning.

If you open your window and listen VERY closely, you can probably hear, right NOW, the editor at Golf Digest being fired for not being able to pull this month’s cover story, or at least change the cover, before the issue was released to the public.

“10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger”???????

Are you kidding me?

Now, I haven’t read the issue yet, but let me take a wild stab at this one…..

1) If you have a net worth of roughly $500 million, don’t have your wife sign a pre-nup if you are gonna start banging other chicks.

2) Its probably not a good idea to indulge in too much sexting with other women.

3) Keep your golf clubs safetly locked away when not in use.

4) When being attacked by a jealous wife running at you with a 9-Iron while you are pulling out of the driveway, remember to check your blind spots!

5) Leaving incriminating phone messages telling girls that you are going to “wear them out” might not be in your best interest.

6) There aren’t too many lucrative endorsement deals out there for “Golfer/Horn Dog”.

7) If you just HAVE to screw around, make sure the girls you pick aren’t models/reality stars craving media attention.

8) Issuing a public statement saying “These allegations are totally untrue”, and then issuing a second statement 48 hours later saying “Hey, I fucked up!” makes you look like a douche-cake.

9) Sometimes, when you are being chased in your SUV by a pissed-off white woman with a golf club, trees can kind of sneak up on you. Look out!

10) If you are rich, famous, and just want to bang a lot of chicks, you probably should think twice about getting married in the first place.

And let’s not forget the OTHER great articles that are apparently included in this issue.......

“How to Outsmart your buddies”?

“Load it and Let it Go!”

Seriously, I need to stop now….. they are making it way too damn easy for me.


2abes said...

As they say, "Timing is everything". The editor is probably getting a raise for publishing the best selling edition of this magazin ever. Tiger will have to double down on winning, I have a feeling things are gonna get expensive for him.

Nej said...

Tiger is a dumb ass. A rich dumb ass maybe...but still a dumb ass. :-)

GiGi said... first glance, I seriously thought this was a joke! Tiger is everywhere! Who knows what will become of his sponsorships? The guy made some really poor choices, and that's putting it mildly. Don't wanna mess with those Northern European women (my MIL is Finnish)!!

Vinomom said...

Damn, you'd think he was the first rich guy to ever cheat on his wife. Maybe it's getting so much publicity because he's so BAD at it.

Seriously though, that cover? I can't imagine what's going on in the corporate office of Golf Digest right now....

Susan Higgins said...

Makes me wonder if Golf Digest is owned by a Republican who wants to make the president look bad?

Don't be surprised if some late night comedian goes and steals your list - I found it wicked funny.

Thanks again for another laugh... although I'm still laughing over your kids remark that he is "only 7" as he bolted out of the room after seeing the MJ Thriller video.

Bruce Johnson said...

While I rarely heap praise on people, because it gives them a swollen head and inflated ego (not to mention giving them the impression that they are almost as good as I am), I have to admit that this post is almost worthy of being David Letterman's Top 10 List. It is that freakin funny.

Well Done!

Mrs. Hall said...

10) If you are rich, famous, and just want to bang a lot of chicks, you probably should think twice about getting married in the first place.


Wenchy said...

I'm with Mrs Holly Hall

Verdant Earl said...

Plus it looks like Tiger is about to do the Prez from behind.

There is a tip that he wasn't expecting. Woo-gah!!!

sybil law said...

Actually, they probably sold more of that magazine than all year!
I personally don't give a frogs' fat ass if he cheated. I am amazed it's getting so much coverage!

mo.stoneskin said...

Wonderful stuff. The timing is perfect. Of course, the fact that you even noticed Golf Digest makes me question your manhood and withdraw that invitation to go out for a few pints.

Chris H said...

Tiger = CHEETAH now.
The monumental FUCKWIT.

Chris H said...

OH and douche bag.
I hope she leaves him.

Anonymous said...

That is a very funny thing.

Cocaine Princess said...

That was so funny!!

I would keep that issue, it may one day be a collector's issue. Again, too funny!!

badgerdaddy said...

Earl, you beat me to it!

In Viz comic in England, they have a section called 'Up The Arse Corner' for pictures exactly like that...

GeologyJoe said...

#10...Which is why George Clooney has never been married. Good for you George.

terri said...

I can hardly believe that cover is for real!

Tamara said...

Wahaha... I think magazines often wish they didn't have to work on a three-month lead time. The editor must be cringing.

Callie said...


Yeah, I would have foregone publishing that story this month. Seriously.

And your top 10 is great!

Kate said...

Tiger is so rich he has lot's of fancy cars, and he's even got a hole in one!

Loved the Top Ten, and yes, Number 10 is the question I ask every time one of those rich celebs fucked up!

meleah rebeccah said...

That list? SOFA KING funny.