Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Michael Jackson Terrorizes Children *

And no, I don’t mean in “that” way…..

I mean in the “Holy Crap I think Michael Jackson just scared the living shit out of my son” way….

Last night, I was playing a computer game with Mini-Me. We recently picked up this cute puzzle game called Plants Vs Zombies. I bought it because, as we all know, zombies are the Shiznit.

PvsZ is this cute game where you build plants in a garden in an effort to try to stop these little cutesy cartoon zombies from walking on your lawn. It’s very addictive, and it’s actually a good problem-solving game for kids. We’ve both been playing it for the better part of a week now.

Anyway, last night we got up to a new level in the game, and one of the cartoon zombies that attacked us was a cute little Michael Jackson/Thriller style zombie. My son had no idea what it was, and when I explained that it was supposed to be MJ, he became curious about it, and wanted to know more about Thriller.

Now, I haven’t seen that video in at least 20 years now. All I really remembered was that the Gloved-One dances around like a pixie, doing a lame-ass choreographed dance for 20 minutes. I figured, that was pretty damn safe for a 7 year old.

So, off to Youtube we went, where I quickly found the video. As it started, I realized that I had COMPLETELY forgotten about the beginning, where MJ is walking his girlfriend through the park, and the full moon starts to rise, and he starts to change.

There is a scene where he sinks under the camera shot, and then POPS back up, now with demon-yellow eyes and fangs.

Well, my friends, it was right at that moment when Mini-Me just about shit his pants with fright.

I really felt bad about it. I totally forgot that that damnable video had a “BOO!” moment in it. Mini-Me went running out of the room, crying his eyes out, screaming for Friz while yelling at me “I’m only seven! Why would you show me that???”

Why, indeed?

So anyway, it was right at that moment that I knew I was going to be completely FUCKED for sleep last night.

And fucked I was.

Mini-Me woke up about every 2 hours last night, yelling for me.

Michael Jackson is in my room….
Michael Jackson is under my bed…
Michael Jackson is in the bathroom…

And on and on…..

I have to admit, having Michael Jackson under my bed would pretty much scare the bejesus out of me too, and that’s even now that he’s dead.

Anyway, I really feel bad about it, but if it’s any consolation, I am completely paying the price for my stupidity this morning. I am dead to the world, and can barely keep my eyes open.

Since I’ve apparently already destroyed his innocence, I might as well go the Full Monte tonight and just make him watch the Evil Dead trilogy.

Hey, the boy’s got to grow up sometime….

* Was the title of this post inappropriate or offensive? Too soon?

Guess, what? I could give a rat’s ass.

Happy Wednesday, all!

27 comments:

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

so....

my daughter is now playing left 4 dead. has no problem with it whatsoever. This is what she does with Daddy. ;)

the movie ghostbusters though, that screwed up her world for like 3 weeks.

ya never know what will really scare them.

but, in time, the scary aftershocks will fade. Just be calm and keep assuring him. Praise him for being brave and give lots of hugs.

getting scared and dealing with it is part of life. best to learn these lessons whilst in safe place, like at home with mommy and daddy.

and take heart. it's not like you did it on purpose. :)

take care Slyde

Slyde said...

Holly: i agree. i still feel like crap for doing it to him though...

p.s. i see your hubby on L4D2 all the time. I'll have to jump in a game with him one of these days...

Vinomom said...

Poor guy. I don't think my girl has seen that video before. My kid is scared of everything though. Never sleeps through the night - so I feel your pain.

sybil law said...

I think my girl could kick your boys' ass.
Ha!
Seriously- she saw Thriller a while ago, and I just keep repeating stuff to her like, "It's not real! It's all pretend!". It still freaked her out a little. :)

Slyde said...

vinomon - he's usually pretty good with stuff like this, so i didnt think it would be that bad.

sybil - hey now! my son takes karate!

badgerdaddy said...

My 13-y-o stepdaughter chuckled her way through Halloween and Scream recently - she finally believes me now that horror movies ain't all that.

Next up, I think we'll have The Descent, Evil Dead and The Exorcist. Just to show I was lying.

mo.stoneskin said...

Hell that video scares me enough and I'm a *ahem* grown man.

Slyde said...

badger: yeah, i think by the times he's 13, he should be able to handle it.

mo: me too!

GiGi said...

Damn it, right when I read that, I knew exactly which part you were talking about. It scared the shit out of *me*, when I first saw it at the age of 6....I let my kids watch ET recently, and realized they were a bit freaked out by it....back to the collection it goes for another year at least, b/c I was getting the 'ET scary mommy' several times a day for a while.

Bruce said...

Dude....that kid is scared for life....I am calling Child Protective Services.....

What were you thinking????

(on a side note, since you mentioned MJ in your post, there are all these Michael Jackson advertisements on your blog now as well.....now you are doubly screwed. )

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Weird that the ads read the posts and respond thusly.

creepy.

Chris H said...

my blog is going private in a few days. If you wish to continue reading it... send me an email address for an invite.
ANd yeah, that photo of 'Michael' is scary.

Slyde said...

gigi: see, my kid handled ET awesomely (except he got alittle scared when eliot is outside at night)

bruce: cool! how much have you spent on items so far?

holly: yeah, its a pretty weird service...

chrish: why private? ok, im in!

B.E. Earl said...

It's not just scary yellow-eyed Michael Jackson that scared him. I think kids are automatically afraid of MJ. Something in the genes.

He'll come around on the Horror stuff though. With you as a Dad he has no choice.

Michelle said...

Let's face it Slyde MJ is scary in any shape or form. Don't introduce mini me to his tunes. :O) Just trying to help!!!

Hello!!!

Evil Twin's Wife said...

The Evil Twin is a HUGE horror movie fan (the old stuff, like the Universal Monsters, etc.), so our son has been exposed to all sorts of movies most of his life. He knows stuff is "movie magic" - And one of his favorite movies is Evil Dead - Army of Darkness. LOL. (he's 11)

Sue said...

I laughed out loud... especially about being fucked with the sleep. I deal with this same issue except with my 80 year old mom who has dementia with hallucinations. Oh, you made me laugh until I cried. Thank you!

terri said...

So when do you collect that Dad of the Year trophy? ;-)

Tamara said...

Hehehe... I've recommended a few movies to people (like my parents or one of our pastors) because I remember them being perfectly fine. And then we watch them together and get to a really steamy sex scene or the language is truly offensive and I think, "Oops - forgot about that bit!"

I think the title was apt, btw.

Secretia said...

Thriller will live forever!

2abes said...

Earl was on the money but he spelled genes (jeans) wrong...

Kimmie said...

I forgot about that part too, when I showed my 5 yo daughter. She was unfazed. Now, King Kong, that's another story. Except she was upset that he fell off the building. For days.

I think she's been the most put off by the story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf. "Are there wolves around here, mama?" Totally missing the point, kid!

meleah rebeccah said...

I feel really badly for laughing so hard at your poor frightened seven year old son!

Cocaine Princess said...

My sister tormented me when I was little. She showed me The Exorcist when I was 5! I was scared out of my mind so yeah I kind of understand what your little lamb must be feeling. I use to think Linda Blair was under my bed and in my closet. And it didn't help that my sister convinced me that Linda did live under my bed and in my closet.

Cocaine Princess said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nej said...

Now I"m going to be quoting Army of Darkness all day today. :-)

"Shop smart...shop s mart!"
"This...is my boomstick!"
"Gimme some sugar, baby."

Anonymous said...

interesting read. I would love to follow you on twitter.