Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Love In An Elevator

So, I got locked in an elevator last week.

I was at work, and it was towards the end of the day. I was on our basement level, and needed to go back up to the first floor.

Being the sneaky bastard that i am, i never want to wait for the slow-as-fuck regular elevators in my building, so i always hit the call button for the speedy freight elevator. I've been doing this for years.

I probably shouldn't have done it last week.

I knew i was in trouble as soon as the doors closed.

I cant explain it, but they closed..... funny.

Listen, Ive been in this building for 15 years now and one of the ONLY things I've learned in all that time is how the elevators close, and trust me, this time the doors closed funny.

But, not thinking too much of it, i pressed "1".


Then i pressed "1" again. And again. Followed quickly by panicked presses of "2" "3" and "4".

Still nothing.

After a minute or so, i tried to pry open the door to the emergency phone, but it was either stuck, or just wielded shut.

So, i stood there for a minute, thinking about my situation.

It was late in the day, most people had gone home already, i had no cell phone, and no one in the world knew i was down in the basement.

It's amazing how fast your mind can go into panic mode in a situation like that.

Fortunately, my superior intellect took charge, and i remembered that aside from being the hottest hunk ever to walk the planet, i also happen to possess the body of a Greek God.

I wedged my fingers into the door seams and began to pry the doors apart for all they were worth. The doors were indeed heavy mother fuckers, but fortunately for me, my massive biceps are even HEAVIER mother fuckers.

After about 5 minutes, i was able to pry the doors open enough to shimmy myself out.

The scary thing is, for the last minute or so, when i really began to think that i wasn't going to be able to get the doors open, the thing that kept running through my mind was the story shown in the video below.

The video was all over Youtube a few years ago. It shows the true story of one poor schlub who, while working one Friday night in 1999, decided to use the elevator in his building in NYC to go downstairs to take a smoke break. He got stuck and stayed in that elevator for 41 hours, until a security guard let him out Monday morning.

I remember years ago when i watched this surveillance camera video of the ordeal, i got the chills, thinking, "Holy shit, what if that happened to me?". I'm not claustrophobic or anything, but i DO believe that 41 hours in an elevator would have sent me to the loony bin.

Plus, if that had been me, I'm pretty sure the world would now have video footage of me masturbating in an elevator.

p.s. Sorry I've been AWOL for the past week. I took a few days off from work and, as you all know, when I'm not working, I'm not blogging. Sorry, but that's just how it is. I love you all, but not QUITE as much as World of Warcraft.


Unknown said...

41 hours in an elevator and I'd have a new sock puppet named Wilson,

Verdant Earl said...

Why don't you just take the stairs if you are going only one floor up?

I'm the laziest fuck in the world and even I will take the stairs instead of the elevator if I'm only going a floor or two.

Chris H said...

Lucky for your massive biceps eh?
That poor guy in an elevator for 41 hours! I kept watching to see if he took a pee!
Oh and you are a lazy bugger taking an elevator up 1 floor!

tattytiara said...

I don't need biceps. I could shred solid steel like it was lettuce through the power of panic alone. I'm uniquely talented in that area.

Wandered over via Tamara's blog, btw - howdy!

Tamara said...

I'd heard about that video, but had never seen it until now. I thought there were emergency button thingeys in elevators? *makes mental note to always take the stairs*

mo.stoneskin said...

Incredible, you in that "speedy" freight elevator makes me laugh out loud.

Anonymous said...

I always worry about the elevator suddenly dropping to the bottom and getting broken bones.

2abes said...

They already have video of you masterbating in the elevator. You could have stayed all night and gotten a couple weeks off from work on a psyc leave

Susan Higgins said...

I'm glad you had a happy ending.

What I want to know is, didn't any friends or family miss the guy who was in the elevator for 41 hours?

Karen said...

Scary! I got stuck in an elevator in Germany. I was panicked as all hell. It took about 40 minutes, but they fixed the power outage.

Anonymous said...

I am not claustrophobic either but I would definitely panic if I were stuck in an elevator for more than 10 minutes. Thank god for your huge massive SEXY biceps. They really saved your rock hard ASS.

Nej said...

Poor guy. No one noticed that he was missing for the whole weekend?

I'd have been freaking out. 100%

Real Live Lesbian said...

You mean that ONE huge bicep don't you? LMAO I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.

You are an adonis. Your biceps are legendary in the lesbian world. ;)

Mrs. Hall said...

So. When the dude finnally pryed open the door, only to have a brick wall exposed, that's when I started to panic.

fuckin a dude. GAH

ok um, that's good that you have the biceps of steel. GAAAAH!!!

Bruce Johnson said...

A few things: Don't smoke...if he didn't smoke he wouldn't have been stuck there.

But regardless....frickin hillarious...although mos of it was time lapse, in normal speed, he was probably doing what almost anyone would do.

Secondly, where the fuck was security. These are security cameras. What anyone monitoring them? I can smell big time law suit coming out of this.

Finally, you only blog at work? Right On.....same here. I need some form of therapy and compensation beyond what these idiots pay me....hey, it beats going 'postal'.

Dr Zibbs said...

If I were in there for 41 hours I would intentionally shit my pants. When they found me I would insist on being carried out on a stretcher.

sybil law said...

That would make me insANE. Glad you got out!
However, gotta admit I'd have loved similar video of you. :P

terri said...

Sooo... there really was no lovin' in the elevator? You got my hopes all up for nothin'!

AlleyCat Runs said...

Love it! Very lucky indeed for your superhero biceps :0)

Faiqa said...

Good morning, Mr. Slyde... going... down? ;)

Cocaine Princess said...

It's a very scary situation to be in even if your trapped for ten minutes because as you said you begin to go into panic mode, but 41 hours. I amazed he is still sane.

Happy to know your biceps saved you.

Anonymous said...

I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
And you et an account on Twitter?

Slyde said...

sure! feel free to post it.

sorry, no twitter account, though....