I'm A Magic Man

So, we survived yet another Mini-Me birthday party this past weekend.

As I mentioned last week, this year we hired a magician.

Unfortunately, he did NOT come dressed as Doug Henning (that would have been aces).

He was dressed all in black, which I guess was to make him look mystical. He actually looked a little like Jimmy Smits.

Anyway, he came in looking all mysterious, and he set up his gadgets, and sound system (apparently magic needs a soundtrack).

All was going ok until his CD started to skip, and he was forced to put on some easy listening music. Nothing kills that Magic-Buzz like hearing a skipping CD while the magician pretends for the first 30 seconds like he planned it that way.

After the sound malfunction, things seemed to once more be on track. The 20 young-uns in attendance seemed right-pleased with the parade of magic knots, and color-changing handkerchiefs that they were awash with for the next 20 minutes or so.

It was all going pretty well, actually….

…until he tried to set my house on fire.

At one point in the show, I see the dude take out a squeeze bottle of lighter fluid. At first, I thought it was mustard. I thought, “Hey, maybe he wants to make a sandwich”.

Then he pulled out two burnt-looking batons, and my genius-level intellect started to put two and two together.

He proceeded to spray lighter fluid on the batons, then quickly set them ablaze.

Then he started to juggle them and throw them really high in the air.

The dude was in my fucking LIVING ROOM!!

Some of the flames were literally licking my ceiling, as he continued to throw them around with seemingly juvenile glee.

I was about to put down my video camera and calmly instruct him in front of the little ones to “X-NAY on the UCKING-FAY IRE-FAY!”, but before I could, Mini-Me, who is deathly afraid of loud noises, started yelling “Stop it! You’re gonna set off our fire alarm!”

He got the hint.

After his pyromancer act, he managed to get back on track and do some pretty impressive tricks. Then he closed off his set by producing two rabbits and some doves.

The kiddies ate it all up, and to top things off, not one of them (the animals OR kids) shit on the floor.

If I can BEAR to view it again, I may have to put the whole arson-filled episode up on Youtube and link it for ya’ll to enjoy.

In the end, all that matters is that Mini-Me was on cloud 9, and felt like King Shit for the day.

All in all, a good day indeed.