Friday, October 30, 2009

Sometimes, People Are Awesome

Do you remember a few weeks ago when I told you all about my frustration in trying to get Mini-Me any more pieces to his latest Must-Have toy, “Zhu Zhu Pets”?

Of course you do. You all hang on every word I say.

Well, when I put out a plea to you all to see if anyone out there in the cyberverse could find any of these rascally toys for me, I really didn’t expect any of you to actually take me up on it.

Leave it to you guys to prove me wrong.

For yesterday what should I spy, with my little eye, upon my front stoop but a lovely package, all boxed up in birthday decorations?

Inside, is this…

This INSANELY thoughtful gift was sent to me by that sexy little minx Shania, who's avatar is the one listed above, from Craving Silence.

Can you believe that? How unbelievably nice does someone have to be, to go out of their way to do something so wonderful for a complete and utter stranger? It really blows my mind, and quite frankly, humbles me.

Mini-Me’s birthday is this Sunday, and he is going to absolutely flip. I quickly hid the package when it came, so he has NO clue that come this Sunday he will be in Zhu-Zhu heaven.

Shania, you are a real gem. Please let this shout-out to your awesomeness serve as just a fraction of the amount of cyber love I am sending your way right now.

Seriously, girl. I owe you. Much thanks.

Maybe next week I’ll have mini-me tape his own personal thank you, and I’ll post it here.

I fully realize that such personal messages to just ONE of my millions of readers may bore the rest of you, but screw ya!. When YOU start sending me gifts in the mail, then I’ll start sending some love YOUR way too!

I’m sick of being the only giver in this relationship, yo.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

It’s The Great Pumpkin

Unless you are new here, you KNOW that my most favorite holiday is Halloween.

And if you know THAT, then of course you remember that since I was a little wee Slyde, I have always carved a pumpkin for the occasion.

Now that Mini-Me is in my life, he now calls the shots on what we will carve each year.

About a week before Halloween, I will ask him what kind of pumpkin he wants to have that year. Based on what he picks, I usually sketch out about a dozen different styles, and I let him pick one, then I get to work.

This year, his royal majesty requested “A Bloody Handprint”.

So, off to work I went.

I was all set to cut some drips running down the hand so it looked bloody, but when I got to this part, Mini-Me put up his hands and said, “Stop daddy! I like it like this”.

Overall, it was one of the simpler ones I’ve done. I think it came out pretty cool. It’s definitely different.

So, what kinds of stuff did you guys carve this year?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


My fragile ego just can’t handle Facebook.

First, I need to back up a bit to tell this story.

When I was in high school, there was this girl who I used to see around. Let’s call her “Mary”. Mary was a year younger than me, and hung out with a different crowd.

She had a rep for being a ‘bad’ girl. She hung out with the derelicts of the school. I, on the other hand, hung out with those studs in the Drama club. As you might guess, we never really spoke to each other. Aside from noticing her and her KILLER body strutting through the halls, I didn’t even know her name, and I didn’t think she even knew WHO the Hell I was.

Cut to my senior year in high school, when fate put Mary and I in the same gym class (which is about the only class we COULD ever take together. Rumor had it she was on the verge of dropping out of school, while I was an Honor Class stud).

Anyway, it was getting near to the end of the school year, and the end of my time in high school. As I’m sure you all remember, that is a time when everyone has their school yearbook in hand, getting old friends to write a few words down to remember them by. Gym class was a prime time for writing in yearbooks.

One day, in one my the last weeks of school, while I was in gym class getting people to sign my yearbook, who should walk up to me out of the blue but Mary. She looked at me and said, “Slyde, it’s a shame to see you go. I wish we had stayed better friends.”

Huh? I was pretty sure I had never so much as spoken to this chick my entire life.

When I asked her what she was talking about, she floored me by telling me an AMAZING story.

Apparently, when we were both little tykes in grade school, we were pretty good friends. I would flirt with her all the time, pulling her pigtails and whatnot. Being a year older than her, I went off to Junior high and left her to endure another year at our grade school.

She said that missed me terribly, and was very excited when the next year rolled around so we could be together in school again. She said she saw walking down the hall on her first day of Junior High and ran up to me to say “Hi”.

She said I looked at her like she was an alien and said “Who the heck are you?”, and kept walking.

Years later, I sat open-mouthed on the bleachers as this girl told me this story. She said that she had been CRUSHED for the way I treated her, and had went home crying that day. It upset her for WEEKS afterward.

I have NO FUCKING recollection of this girl when we were kids. None. I don’t remember her as a kid, and I sure as shit don’t remember ever talking to her before that point.

Anyway, that day, she signed my yearbook with a very heartfelt message, and then we talked. And talked. Then we talked some more. We exchanged phone numbers and spoke to each other that night. And for the next 3 months, before I went off to college, we spoke often, and even went out together a few times.

Over the years, I have thought about her often.

So, imagine my surprise when I logged on to Facebook this week, and upon clicking on the “People You May Know” link, happened upon who else but Mary!

Very excited to be get the chance to speak with her again, 20 years later, I quickly “friended” her and added the message “My god, can you believe it’s been so long? Isn’t Facebook great?”

I was NOT at all ready for the message I got back from her.

“Sorry, who are you again? I’m sorry but I just don’t remember you”

Her? Not remember ME?

At first, I thought she was making a joke (or getting me back for the way I had treated HER all those years ago), but upon further emails with her, I have determined that she is either ready to take this joke with her to her grave, or…….

… or she REALLY doesn’t remember me.

How the HOLY FUCK is that possible?

I have photo-quality-like recollections of every chick who I have ever gone out with, even if it was just a one night stand! I had broken this little minx’s heart 20 years ago, for God sakes! And she doesn’t remember any of it?

As I said, my ego is having a hard time wrapping its head around someone ever forgetting dating ME. Can you imagine?

Monday, October 19, 2009

I’ve Been Naughty

No, not THAT kind of naughty.

I’ve just been very preoccupied with some things since last week, so I haven’t had time to visit ANY of your awesome blogs.

I just checked in my feed reader, and there was a LOT of posts to be read. A LOT.

I can’t read them all.

So, what to do?

I think I’m going to just pretend that the last week didn’t happen, delete them all, and call a re-do to the whole damn thing.

Please don’t hate me for that. I feel like ass doing it, but there’s just no way I can ever hope to keep up at this point. I promise to make it up to each and every one of you with some deep, wet, sloppy kisses at the earliest opportunity, ok?

Anyway, what I have I been up to?

- Saturday I took Mini-Me to see Where The Wild Things Are in IMAX. He freaking loved it. However, the prices for IMAX are ridiculous. $29 for 1 adult and 1 child? That is highway robbery!

- Speaking of Mini-Me, he is currently enthralled in the Bakugan craze. He wants to play it with me CONSTANTLY. But since he cant really read the cards yet, we mostly just shoot Bakugan at each other until he makes up a rule that lets him win. I don't think thats very fair.

- I finally managed to stop looking at my pretty face in the mirror long enough to finally begin a project that I have been wanting to do (and dreading) for about 20 years now. Namely, cataloging my old comic book collection on a computer so I can figure out FINALLY how much it’s worth. Honestly, this is where almost ALL of my spare blog-reading time has been going. Right now I am about 1/6 of the way through it all, and my collection is standing proudly at $6,000! Is that insane, or what? How I managed to collect all these books as a kid, AND still be the biggest chick magnet ever to walk the earth, really is beyond me.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Women Are Frustrating

Why do you chicks NEVER admit when you do something wrong? Why is it more fun to just string people along, letting me play Sherlock Holmes to PROVE you are wrong before you fess up?

Exhibit A (last night)

I was using Outlook on my computer to check my emails, then I went downstairs for a bit. Then I saw Friz going into the office to use the computer. When I asked her what she was doing, she said that she was going to use the computer to pay some bills.

I returned to my computer about 10 minutes later. Friz was gone. When I attempted to open up Outlook again, it informed me that my password is no longer valid.

What the hell?

Clearly, Friz did “something”.

So, I went downstairs to talk with her about it.

“What did you do on the computer?”

“What do you mean? I didn’t do anything”

“Of course you did. I saw you using it”

“Yeah, I paid our cable bill”

“You had to have done something else. Did you change our password?”

“No! Why would I do that?”

“I have no idea, but SOMEONE just did!”

“Well, I don’t know why you always blame me for these things. I didn’t do it”

“Just tell me everything you did”

“I told you, I just paid our bill. I don’t know WHY you can’t log in to the email anymore”

“You have NO idea?”


“Ok, after you paid the bill, did you do anything else?”



“Why don’t go upstairs and try to log in using the password “Simbah”” (that’s our cat’s name)

“Why the Hell would I try Simbah? That’s not my password!”

“Just try it”

“Why? What the Hell did you do?”

“Well, I was trying to update our voicemail message, and they asked me to change the password, but all I did was try to change the password for voicemail, not email. And anyway, it didn’t work.”


“Why are you yelling like an idiot?”

“Because I just got the runaround for 15 minutes, with you telling me you did “nothing”, when in fact you did the exact fucking OPPOSITE of “nothing”! You OBVIOUSLY changed the WRONG password!”

“Maybe I did. Sorry”

“Sorry? That’s it? Why did you put me through all this?”

“I don’t know, jackass. Why don’t you go and pay your OWN bills?”

Because, you know, WHO pays the bills is the whole fucking point of not giving me all the information up front, so I am forced to sleuth around like fucking COLUMBO until I ask the right interrogation questions to get the answer I need!

You know, if you chicks weren’t all soft and curvy and smelled so nice, I’d swear off the lot of you forever……

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Paranormal Activity - Take 2

I DID end up going to see Paranormal Activity on Sunday.

It really WAS good and creepy.

The film centers on a young, engaged couple who are living together. The movie begins shortly after Katie has told her fiance Micah that, when she was a child, she believes she used to be visited at night by a ghost. As she got older, what she thought of as her ghostly visitations had ceased, but have recently begun again. Small things, like keys being moved or strange noises, seem to be happening to her on a nightly basis.

Not really buying into the story but wanting to try to help, Micah goes out and buys a night vision camcorder, and sets it up in their bedroom to film anything that might happen while they are sleeping at night.

This is pretty much where the movie begins.

The movie is filmed in the documentary, "Blair Witch" style, so if those kinds of movies with herky-jerky shaking cameras make you dizzy, stay clear of this one.

It was a strange film for me, mostly because of its unevenness. The daytime scenes, where the couple tries to process what is happening to them, i found to be mostly tedious and repetitive. This is made worse by the fact that while i thought the female lead was outstanding (and sexy as hell), i wanted to stab the male lead repeatedly in the head with a Philips screwdriver.

However, the scenes at night, where the scared couple try to get through encounter after encounter with whatever seems to be after them, are TRULY creepy and well-done. And just when i started to feel that the nighttime scenes were getting repetitive, they kicked it up a notch and it got even scarier and creepier.

The "scary"-meter keeps ramping up, night after night, until the final night, where a good number of people in the theatre jumped right out of their seats. The last half hour ABSOLUTELY validated this movie for me.

If you want to be scared, and creeped out, you need to go check this one out. I may even go back this weekend to take Friz. This movie will scare the living Hell out of her.

p.s. Fun movie facts:
- As i said in my last post, this movie was made independently, and for only $15,000.

- Right now it is only been shown in 150 theatres, and it STILL managed to break the top 10 films for this weekend in North America.

- On a "per showing" basis, it STOMPED the amount of money per showing that this weekend's #1 movie, "Couples Retreat" made. Clearly, the buzz on this film is starting to really gear up. A worldwide release at this point seems inevitable.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Paranormal Activity

Has anybody out there heard about this yet?

Paranormal Activity is a small, independent horror movie that was filmed in 2007.

It’s pretty much just been playing in small theatres around the mid-west for a few months now. Each time it has been screened, it gets incredible buzz for being a really scary horror movie.

The production company that owns it could not get it distributed world-wide like a typical big-budget movie from a major distributor, so they have been taking a very unique approach to getting their film out there to the public.

Basically, based on advanced buzz, places all over the country have been “petitioning” to get a local screening in their area. Once they get enough requests, then they attempt to obtain a theatre to show the movie.

And their strategy has been working. With pretty much every showing, the buzz and hype for this film has continued to grow and spread. It pretty much seems inevitiable at this point that this movie will get a worldwide distribution schedule very soon (before Halloween if they are smart).

Anyway, I got news that it will be playing here on Long Island this weekend. I am chomping at the bit to go, perhaps Sunday. I already asked my hetero life-partner Earl to accompany me, but he gave me the lame excuse that he has to cook sauerbraten that day.

What the fuck kind of excuse is that? At the very least you could give me a “normal” excuse , like that you have to stay home and wash your hair, or that your boyfriend is coming over. Who the hell’s thigh am I supposed to feel up as the trailers come up NOW?

Anyway, if I can make it, I’m going. Its being called the new Blair Witch (which alot of people rag on, but i thought was brilliant in its creepyness).

Anyone else seen it yet?

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Zombieland is Zombi-Tastic!

Ok, I need to push that last post slightly further down the page so it’s not in my damn face every time I come here.

So, I might as well talk about how I took my sexy ass to the movies to see Zombieland this past weekend.

I loved it.

If you aren’t new here, then you no doubt remember that I LOVES me some zombies.

Seriously, I’m pretty obsessed with our breathing-impaired brethren.

I watch zombie movies. I play zombie video games. I read books about zombies taking over the world. I play board games where I get to pretend to be a zombie. I even have zombie feetie pajamas.

One of the above statements was NOT true. Guess which one.

Anyway, Zombieland will no doubt inevitably get compared to the other great, recent zombie comedy, Shaun of the Dead. If I had to put the 2 films up against each other, I would have to give the nod to Shaun being the better film of the two.

My reasons? Although Zombieland starts out very cool, funny, and slick (the opening credits were outstanding), I felt that the film kind of loses its way, and that sharp style kind of drops off in the second half. It’s still a good movie throughout, but I feel that Shaun of the Dead kept itself consistent, whereas Zombieland felt more uneven. Hence, my tip of the hat to Shaun being the better film.

But there is a lot to like about Zombieland. It made me laugh on many occasions, and I do believe that this is the first ever film where I thought Woody Harrelson was cool. He played a great character, and he is reportedly already chomping at the bit, begging the director to fast track a sequel.

I hope it happens.

Sunday, October 04, 2009


One year ago today, I found you, sleeping.

One year ago today, I could not wake you up.

One year ago today, I sat on a cold kitchen floor, holding your hand for hours, until they took you from me.

One year without the closest friend I will ever have.

Everyone says it gets easier. Some days, that's true.

It's NOT true today.

I hope you liked the flowers I planted at your grave this morning. Your great-grandson picked them out especially for you. He said that he knew you would like them. Was he right?

I didn't MAKE him come with me today. He ASKED to come. Can you believe how much he's grown in just one year? He misses you too. He keeps a picture of you on his nightstand. He's such a good boy. He does well in school, and has a big heart. You would be proud.

I try to teach him and raise him, as you did to me. I fear that I am not as good as you were at this task. I try to be like you. I try.

I wish I knew what to do to make the simple act of just "remembering" you not hurt so much.

I had thought the answer was "time", but I was wrong.

You had such a hard life, and at the end of it, you died alone.

I am so sorry that when you needed me most, I was not there for you like you were ALWAYS there for me.

I work at making you proud of me, everyday.

Always in my heart.


Thursday, October 01, 2009

Television Is Exhausting

I really don’t have much I feel like writing about today. I tried and tried to think of something, but I keep coming up blank.

It’s not unusual for someone with my kind of killer good looks to be totally devoid of any brainpower, but I seem to be blessed with both, so this morning’s lack of ideas is especially odd and troublesome.

Anyway, I could easily coast by on today’s post by just putting up a picture of myself to tide you all over, but I figured I’ll just save THAT treat for another day, and talk about the new Fall TV lineup.

I PROMISED myself I was not going to watch any new shows this year. I watch too much shit as it is, so I decided to cut myself off. So far, I’m happy to report that I have been 100 percent successful in my efforts.

Anyway, here is my current TV Schedule:

Amazing Race – Have I really been watching this show for 15 seasons now? Anyway, from the cute poker-player girls, to the Harlem Globtrotter team, to the kid with Asperger’s Syndrome, this looks like another season that I will enjoy.

Dexter – America’s best serial killer is back! I just love this show.

Californication – It definitely lost its edge after the first season, but it’s still the best place to go if you are looking to see hot chicks with no clothes on, and David Duchoveny’s ass.

Curb Your Enthusiasm – Still one of the funniest shows on TV. This year’s season promises the reunion (sort of) of the Seinfeld cast.

Nothing. It’s very refreshing.

More nothing, although Nip/Tuck’s final season will be starting up soon.

Real World/ Road Rules Challenge – My one real guilty embarrassment. I cannot stop watching this show. Tons of young people running around drinking, screwing, and beating the shit of out each other. Seriously. Last night was the season premier and already there were 2 fights, and next week it looks like someone cannonballs into a lake and pops one of her implants. I’m in.

Survivor – Yes, I still love this show, and NO, they have not yet liked my audition tapes enough to get me on it yet. One day.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia – Just gets more and more crazy and more and more hysterical every damn season.

Dollhouse – I have high hopes for this second season, even though the ratings for last week’s second season premier were in the freaking basement.

Real Time With Bill Maher – One of the few shows I watch that I’m not embarrassed by.

Saturday Night Live – This is SNL’s 35th season, and I have only missed a handful of episodes ever. That is a frightening statistic.

And that’s it.

That’s not TOO much television, is it? Please say no.