Monday, August 31, 2009

$1.21???



Seriously?

Ya know, when I finally broke down 2 weeks ago and decided to start putting advertisements on Slydesblog, I was “slightly” kidding when I said I didn’t expect to make a lot of money from it.

By “slightly” kidding, I meant I expected to be able to retire in 6 months.

But C’mon People! $1.21? Really? Where the Hell can I retire with that kind of Stipend?

Plum Island? Chernobyl? New Jersey?

I just checked my stats today, and so far I’ve made ONE CENT! ONE LOWSY CENT!

If someone can lend me their time machine, I could take that shiny new penny that I earned today and travel back to 1923 so I could go see the latest Charlie Chaplan talkie! Man, those theatre cigarette girls sure have some gams! One time one of them bent over and I was able to check out almost ALL of her ankle! WOO HOO! 23 Skiddoo!

Sorry, I seemed to have regressed into Flapper-Speak. What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, money.

People, $1.21 is just NOT gonna cut the mustard. You people just HAVE to step up and start buying some of this shit, I mean commodities, that I am hawking here.

Why, let me just go take a stroll over to my sidebar right now and see what absolute STEALS we have up today for you fine folks:

“Artery Cleaning Secrets” – C’mon, who doesn’t have arteries? I do…. You do… I’m even pretty sure Earl does! My schooling only went as far as 3rd grade, so i’m not exactly sure what these “arteries” supposedly “do”, but I’m pretty sure we need em, so why don’t you clicky-clicky and learn how to keep them clean!

“List of Male Film Actors” – Here, I’ll start you off. Will Smith. If you want some more, you’ll have to pay.

“Pictures of Girls in Pools” – Ok, now who hasn’t at one time or another been sitting in their house and thought about gett………. Ok fuck it. I can’t sugarcoat this one no matter how hard I try. It’s porn… buy some!

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, are just THREE of the wonderful services that I seem to be providing for you all today.

Please, help me out and click more stuff. I NEED this money, people. If I don’t break $1,000,000 by Christmas, I’ll have to go back to my old job as a fluffer for the gay film industry.

Please don’t let me slide back to my old ways… my knees just can’t take it anymore.

21 comments:

Nej said...

Your current post just turned the tides. All the links are about collecting coins and such. If you could make money, by people buying money....well....how cool would that be? :-)

B.E. Earl said...

I think you should just end this silly experiment.

Personal blogs shouldn't have any advertising. That's not why you do this.

Cocaine Princess said...

Hilarious ending!!

Rachel said...

Hey - NJ is just like LI I've lived in both - ok LI longer - Huntington and Babylon - so STOP THE NJ MOCKING 1.21 hee - that's a lot of money - you can buy a lottery ticket.

vixen kitten said...

I second ending the silly experiment. The only ones who wins are the one's who some how get you to post their shit for pennies.

I always say I refuse to watch television because the commercials are an insult to my intelligence. Actually, I could prolly say that about ALL advertising.

Sorry...I hope they don't take pennies away from you for bloggers who don't pay attention to them!

Despite you silly dalliance to the dark side, I still love you!

xoxo
~vk~

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

fluffer for the gay porn industry!

hah!!

I thought I knew you from somewhere.

oh wait, i'm a girl. . .o nevermind . . . .

debi_in_Hawaii said...

Now you did it...the things on the side say "1920's movies". Did they even HAVE movies back then?????

Kaylen said...

I have had ads on the side of my blog for ages...maybe 2 years now. I think I have about $3.00. I'm reworking my blogger retirement plan.

Tamara said...

Hehehe... sorry, can't think of anything to say... too busy laughign at your "fluffer for the gay porn film industry"... bwahahahahaha!

mikeb302000 said...

I tried it, and I must admit with dollar signs in my eyes. But what I discovered is only blogs with really heavy traffic make money from ads. At least that's what I figured from the fact that I made none.

I removed all.

2abes said...

i thought you voluneteered as the fluffer?

Blog Queen said...

I'm clicking as we speak (type) or whatever the hell you call this

sybil law said...

I KNEW you were a fluffer!!

Being Brazen said...

Bwhahahahaha!!!

Being Brazen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heff said...

I'm not worried about my arteries, but I've got a VEIN you can clean up for me, LMAO !!!

i am the diva said...

sadly, i hear all the fluffers have gone out of business once the little blue pill made it's debut...

Chris H said...

*sigh*....I wish I DIDN'T now what a 'fluffer' was.. but I do.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Yeah, Earlsie has arteries alright, but if he dosen't get off the BACON he'll be your first customer for the artery cleaning kit.

jus sayin'

terri said...

Alright, alright... I'm running over to get me some p0rn right now. Or... considering it's p0rn with girls, I'll buy it for the hubby and he'll be so happy!

Real Live Lesbian said...

Hahaha...are there pics from your "old job?"

Here...let me click you.