Thursday, July 30, 2009

You Chicks Be Crazy

Ya know what REALLY drives me crazy about you chicks?

The fact that, you all seem to have NO PROBLEM yelling at us about something that is COMPLETELY fucking insignificant, but you really don’t see anything wrong with something YOU do wrong, even if it’s LIFE-THREATENING!!!!

Exhibit A:

I routinely get my ass handed to me because I leave my clothes on the bed instead of putting them away.

I mean, I get CRUCIFIED for doing this. EVERY DAMN TIME I don’t put my clothes away, I get yelled at and spoken to like I am 6 years old.

Seriously ladies, it’s not THAT big of a deal.

I fucking work ALL day, usually getting the shit kicked out of me, and when I come home, if I want to throw my damn shirt on the bed, I’m gonna fucking do it.

You would think, by the reaction I get, that I was tossing FLAMING WOOD on the bed, instead of a polo shirt.

So, you might understand that I find it a bit remarkable that she doesn’t think ALMOST ELECTRICUTING HERSELF is a problem!

Exhibit B:

We’re getting ready for work this morning, and I happen to catch Friz in the bathroom doing whatever the fuck she does to her hair that takes over an hour every morning.

I mean, there are about a thousand items all over the place in there: dozens of bottles and tubes, hair-dryers, curling irons, straighteners, and whatnot.

Seriously, there are TONS of machinery in there while she’s getting ready. I’m pretty sure if she wanted to, she could start performing pap-smears in there.

Anyway, I walk in there to get my toothbrush (if I could fucking FIND IT, that is), and what do I spy with my little eye?

She’s got her curling iron plugged in, and draped across the counter SO THE CORD IS UNDERWATER IN THE SINK!

So, being a sexy man of action, I quickly yank the plug from the wall, and yell out..

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“What’s your problem?”

“MY problem? MY Problem? I don’t have a problem. YOU, on the other hand, were about to fry yourself in Aqua-Net!”

“Oh, Relax!”



I have to daily endure the Nuremburg Trials for leaving my underwear on the floor, but I guess I should stop being so jumpy when I see someone almost flash-frying themselves!

How silly of me.

You girls are just wacky. Not doing the dishes is a capital offense, but you would do “The Macarena” through fucking BARB WIRE if someone told you there was a great new moisturizer on the other side.


Mrs. Hall said...

only if it has spf 15 or above

and retinol A

and anti wrinkle properties

and tinted

oh hell

as long as someone say, awesome mosturizer, made my skin feel awesome, then i'd do it :)

vixen kitten said...

I ummmmm....I don't even know how to do the Macarena!

I do know of one kick ass moisturizer though. *snort*

I would never allow a man in my bathroom. 'Course, I don't really like them in my home either. I like it all clean and fresh smelling, and the only underwear I want to find on my floor is a cute little thong from a hot blonde who spent the night.

Just sayin.....

I'm thinking y'all need separate bathrooms, or Slyde, Sweetie, Handsome, you need to learn where the hamper resides in your home. :)

BTW...You can go gay, but you will still have someone telling you to put your dirty clothes away and do the dishes. Just always works out that way.


Marie said...

Take note!!

Offense taken.


debi_in_Hawaii said...

HEY!!!! I don't do any of that crap. Making the bed is so overrated, and I put my clothes wherever the hell I want after I've worked 12 hours and survived the commute. And I can change oil! YEAH frumpy chicks!!!

Heff said...

I say it ALL the F'in time.....WOMEN !!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe, just maybe you like having your "ass handed" to you when you toss the proverbial "flaming wood" on the bed. Maybe you get off on being spoken to like a 6 year old, ya big weirdo. Behave yourself and put your clothes in the freakin' hamper you filthy boy.

sybil law said...

You're right, of course. We ARE nuts.
But guys are nuts, too, to bitch about being bitched at for silly shit like throwing their stuff on the bed. Don't want to get yelled at? Don't throw it on the bed.
It's really simple.
We, are not simple. :P

Evil Twin's Wife said...

The Evil Twin does things all the time that drive me nuts. Like leave lights on when he leaves a room or leaves the toilet seat up. I just go behind him and do it my way. But, he'll have a conniption fit if his underwear isn't in the drawer, but is instead in a basket at his feet, all neatly folded. (yes, I fold underwear).

GiGi said...

Wow, now I know how my husband feels when I bitch at him about that damn pile of papers on my kitchen counter that starts out Monday as one measly receipt for something stupid (that's already been eaten, and thus cannot be returned)....and by Friday grows into a mound of CRAP just taking up space (right next to the stove, too).

Shania said...

You unplugged a woman's curling iron?

Well, it's been nice knowing ya. I'll send flowers to your service.

Verdant Earl said...

I kinda empathize with your wife on this one. I'm constantly picking up my woman's clothes from the floor, the couch, the sink, the stove, etc...

She literally never thinks about just dropping her clothes anywhere. So I follow her around and pick up whatever she drops and I put it in the laundry basket.

But I stopped giving her shit about it a long time ago. That right there is the difference. We all know our loved ones limitations and faults and we ain't gonna change 'em. Not now, not ever. Deal with it, I say.

2abes said...

I thought you went gay a long time Ago. You should try the straightened and moisturizer. Maybe even bed bath and beyond.

henno said...

Amen brother.

Tuesday Taylor said...

I'm trying to understand what the problem is?

Cocaine Princess said...

Oh my God I'm literally on the floor laughing at the label for this post!!

Not all of us girls are wacky.

Sounds you like need a his and her bathroom.

Chris H said...

Shit a brick! Get over it... and put ya fucken clothes in the laundry basket!
And LEAVE. THE. CURLING. IRON. ALONE.... unless you want to use it too!
Sounds like your wife hasn't quite got you trained yet.

Tamara said...

She probably knows you're right about the curling iron, but wouldn't dream of giving you the satisfaction of saying so.

Or that would be me, at least.

mo.stoneskin said...

You, my friend, have captured something very typical, very typical indeed. I also get beaten for leaving my clothes out - with me it is on a chair, just harmlessly draped over the back of the chair. On the other hand, my wife loses 5 debit cards a year.

The Peach Tart said...

Just typical couple any day at PeachTartland except the curling iron part because I've given up with this damn humidity

Nej said...

After reading about you getting in trouble for leaving your clothes around...over and over and first thought was "Well, just put your shirt away already!"


She probably asked really nicely once or twice, and has now decided that as long as you don't stop throwing them on the bed, she's not going to stop giving you crap about it.

At least, that's how it would play out in our house. :-) :-)

Unknown said...

LMAO! Well... you'd think by NOW you would learn not to throw your stinky smelly shirt on the bed.

As for the other items.. well we hold whats called the double edged sword.

What's the name of the moisturizer.. I wanna know if its worth the cuts?

OH and I am sorry for publishing your letter without permission on my blog today. I will more considerate next time

Susan Higgins said...

If it makes you feel any better, as we age, we mellow out just like the finest wine.

Hey... maybe you need to buy some fine wine to help you both mellow out over the little stuff.

In the big scheme of things, it's all little stuff.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

yes siree bobby, and don't you forget it! That is what makes us so perfect in every way...

The cosmetics industry is a BILLONs of dollars a year industry for a reason. It's recession proof.

Damn, if I got my last 5 dollars in my pocket, I'd go for the lip gloss over the sandwich any day.
It's genetic.

terri said...

Hey now.... While I can identify with the piles of equipment and supplies being strewn across the bathroom vanity, I take exception to the fact that you think all of us would be willing to do the macarena through a barbed wire fence for free moisturizer. Now if it came with a free, cute toiletries bag from Victoria's Secret, you can count me in.

Nej said...

Or a really nice pair of shoes. Barbed wire is no match for a woman kept from a sweet pair of heels. :-)

Bruce Johnson said...

Sounds like somebody needs a Friday......luck for you it is here. You are never going to win this battle. The brains are just wired differently. My wife 'constantly' takes off her earings and just leaves them anywhere. Anywhere that the cats can play with them so they can bat them onto the floor and yours truely gets step on them in the middle of the night heading for the bathroom. Doesn't matter how many times I mention this, she does not change her behavior. Their concept of 'need' and 'required' are totally different. We are the same species, but we are totally different animals.

Lifeofkaylen said...

I sometimes leave clothes on the bed...I don't think it's a capitol offense.

I don't understand why the sink was full of water anyway...I'm not a girly-girl kinda girl and can be showered, dressed, ready for work in 30 minutes most days.

Scarlet said...

I envy your relationship. ;)

Michelle said...

Your wife knows what she is doing! Leave her alone!!

elizabeth said...

In our family - I think my husband used more hair products than I do... but I might dance through barbed wire if the moisturizer had proven results... ;-)

eclecticdeb said...

Am I the only one that sees the irony in this post given the subject matter in the preceeding post?

Too funny.

Faiqa said...

But, we're talking about *hair*. Good hair is worth dying for. Everyone knows that.

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

OMG. That was laugh out loud, bust a gut funny! Thank you for providing some entertainment tonight! I love your take on things.

I don't yell. It doesn't get me anywhere. I ask, and it almost always gets done. But I think I may be a teenie bit more laid back than Frizzle.

Real Live Lesbian said...

One of my exes always said that I'd die by the kitchen sink for doing similar shenanigans!

GeologyJoe said...

*ooof* shirt on the bed....i can only guess that fritz would end up in the nutty ward after seeing our bed and dresser.

Kimberly said...

Just put the damn shirt where it belongs...dang.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

As long as a man is buying me stuff, carrying my stuff, and is FUN, I wouldn't notice if he did throw flaming hot fire on the bed.
I'm just that kind of girl.
Also, I have a maid. She fixes the messes that are annoying before it gets out of control.

Caz said...

hahaha love that.

Hannah said...

LOL! Yep, many of us ladies tend to overreact just a "tad" over dirty dishes and laundry.

But to be fair, it gets annoying picking up after someone day after day after day. Some of us work long days too! :)