Tuesday, July 07, 2009

What Would YOU Do?

One of the reasons why I am so damn irresistible is that, aside from having the body of a Greek god and my jaw-dropping good looks, I also love spending time with children (don’t even go there, Earl!).

It’s true. I love just getting on the floor with the little munchkins and acting all the clown so I can get them to laugh their little buns off. I can spend hours playing with kids, when I usually can’t stand most adults for more than a few minutes.

But this past weekend, I believe I finally met my match.

We were at a 4th of July party this weekend at a friend’s house. One of our friends is in the process of going through a pretty bitter divorce with what I can only call one of the biggest assholes I have ever met (and I’ve met a lot of them).

Seriously, one time a group of us went away for the weekend to the Hamptons, and this guy, a grown man in his 30’s, told me how we loves to just get into random fights with people to let out his aggression. He told me how he does it all the time, and tried to convince me to start a fight with some poor schlub who we were walking past in a 7-11 while getting beer. Apparently, he’s seen FIGHT CLUB one too many times.

Anyway, she’s dumping him, which is Aces as far as I’m concerned, but the thing is they had 2 kids together, and because this guy is a royal jack-off, he now thinks its funny as hell to raise the kids as badly as possible on the days he has them, just to give his ex some extra headaches.

And it’s working. Their oldest son, who is 6, is quickly becoming just about the meanest kid you could ever imagine. I’ve honestly never seen anything like it. He spent the day Saturday jumping in the pool, trying to land on the littler kids who were splashing around in swimmies, just to dunk them. His mother was beside herself, and repeatedly tried everything from time outs, to screaming, to giving him a good swat on the ass, but nothing would stop this kid. He was being a right dick to everyone at the party.

At one point, I saw him sitting down on a blanket with a bunch of other kids, so I figured I’d try to be nice to him. I sat down with them and said cheerily, “So guys, what’s going on?”

This kid, this little monster, looks at me and says, “You know, those glasses you are wearing make you look like an idiot.”.

He’s SIX!!!!

I told him that wasn’t very nice, and he promptly told ME that he didn’t care. Then, my temper got the best of me, and I proceeded to tell him that the hat he was wearing made him look like a dope.

The other kids laughed, and I guess this little Hitler didn’t imagine that the tables could turn on him so fast, so he reached out, grabbed my sunglasses, and started running away with them.

I looked around for his mom, but she was in the house and nowhere to be seen. I tried to calmly ask him to give back the glasses, but he wouldn’t. When I went after him, he ran away.

Finally, I cornered him, and when I went to reach for the glasses, he threw them to the ground, and stepped on them.

I saw red.

I grabbed the hat on his head (it really DID make him look like a dope), and once again his expression told me that he didn’t see THIS development coming, either. He started SCREAMING at me to give it back. I told him I would give it back to his mom after I told him what he did.

Then he hauled off and PUNCHED me.

At this point, people were staring. Although I outweigh this kid by about 150 lbs and 35 years, I decided it would probably be wise NOT to beat the shit out him, no matter how much I wanted to.

I ALSO didn’t want to embarrass his mother more than she already was, so when I ran into her, I just handed her the hat back without explaining what happened. But last night I learned that the host of the party, who saw the whole thing, couldn’t contain herself any longer and ended up calling this woman and telling her everything her son did. Then the woman called me, very upset and apologizing up and down, saying that she knows how her son is, and she doesn’t know what to do.

All I could do was listen and mumble “don’t worry about it” when she offered to pay for my glasses…

But all I WANTED to do was scream at this woman and tell her that she needs to nip this behavior in the bud NOW. This kid is already 6. By the time he’s 10, at the rate he’s going, he’ll be on the road to being a juvenile delinquent and I don’t think anything short of a military academy would correct it.

So, what would you do in that situation?


Ookami Snow said...

Kid, away from father, now!

I would have sat on the kid for a long time after he broke my sunglasses, I wouldn't care who was watching. Whilst sitting I would wait for him to calm down and then explain to him that he is being a jerk and that his life will suck if he acts that way. And he would have to pay me for the sunglasses, not his mom.

Shania said...

That picture will haunt me now. CREE-py.

I've been in situations like this. I've snatched the little shit up and gotten really close (eye to eye) and made clear that the behaviour wouldn't be tolerated.

Parents be damned, some kids just need to be told. You actually would have been doing her a favor. Although I do feel bad for her. Her husband sounds like a real shit.

Anonymous said...

I've seen you in glasses, and you do look like an idiot.

Wise move not starting a physical match with him...that could've gone either way....

(can you tell who's home sick with WAY too much time on his hands?)

James said...

He is his fathers son all right....it is a tragic situation for kids when a break up occurs but with the father engaged in that kind of terrorism just for fun. With that kid I think you have to set rigid boundaries. Sooner or later he will realise that his mum's love may be unconditional but bad behaviour won't get him anywhere.
All very easy to say but less easy to do when you are a single mother going throegh a divorce.

mo.stoneskin said...

So have re-evaluated your estimation of your own coolness and picked out some new hip glasses?

Seriously that situation would drive me nutty. All I can say is I'm pretty peed off with his jerk of a dad already.

Suzi Q said...

That graphic is totally creepy.

That kid definately should not be allowed to visit his dad. And the dad should maybe have the shit beat out of him to show him how it feels.

Slyde said...

ookami: i agree.. kid away from father now.

shania: thats pretty much where i was at with this brat... i didnt know what i should do.

lemur: apparently, earl is over and using your keyboard.

james: thats why i did what i did... she is really going thru enough shit right now..

mo: hey, those glasses rocked! i miss em already.

paige: if she COULD stop the kids from visiting, she would, but unfortunatly being a dick isnt a criminal offense..

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Really, you handled it the best way possible. And since the host made the behaviour known to the mom and she called and apologized, the ball is out of your court for now. Hopefully, this kid will get the help he needs (perhaps the school system?). His dad is a complete ASS.

badgerdaddy said...

I've been known to scare the shit out of children with no effort at all, so I don't think it would have occurred anyway.

But if it had, I would have smacked him in the face.

True story.

Mrs. Hall said...

It's not what you should do, it's what the mom should do. Which is limit the contact with the Dad as much as possible.

If I was the Mom I would start with the boy's strengths. Is the boy smart, does he like animals?

What ever animal/person/non object thing he likes- focus on that.

Role play things with him being the animal or person. The animal or person (during the role play) is being hurt/made fun of. Let him feel what the other end of bullying is. He should cry and feel sad. This is teaching him more than any military school could.

This is one strategy of teaching empathy. Which is vital for him to learn or relearn. Because he is losing this or lost it by now.

And if he doesn't have the ability to feel/identify emotions, he will thrive as a bully. Because bullys suck strength from smaller things.

Sadly, the Dad is cultivating and rewarding this behavior. Because he is an asshole. Which the boy will be when he gets bigger.

and lastly, when/if you speak with the Mom, let her know that she is not powerless. She has already started to assert her own power, she is leaving a bully, an asshole. Emphasize how awesome that is when you speak with her.

Apologizing and threatening aren't working. She needs to get the boy some help because this will only get worse and harder to manage, especially when testerone starts flowing.



and hug mini me. Because kids are awesome. Their job is to be kids. And yeah for you, being a awesome Dad :)

Expat No. 3699 said...

Tough situation, I think you did the right thing. His mother should probably look into getting some couseling for him.

Michelle said...

Dude you did the right thing. Family counseling I would say!

Verdant Earl said...

One of my nephews went thru this phase a few years ago. Same situation. My sister left her husband and the break-up wasn't civil.

There were many occasions when I wanted to put his head thru a wall. One of the many reasons I don't have any kids of my own.

PS - those glasses did make you look like an idiot.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'd have blown my nose on his hat. I had mean cousins growing up.

Heff said...

LMAO !!! I'm sorry, I'd have beaten the hell out of the kid no matter WHO saw me, lol !!

debi_in_Hawaii said...

I thought all exes were assholes.
At least mine are.
Anyway, this monster needs Supernanny! Tell her it's an emergency. If nothing is done NOW, this kid will be troubled teen and a menace to society later!

P.S.: when he broke your glasses, I think I would have taken his hat and made like I was wiping my ass with it-right in front of his friends, who would have laughed and made him cry

terri said...

Oh man... I'm not sure what I would do. I think you handled it as well as possible. There's no right response to a kid who's such a maniac. Time for family therapy.

BTW, it was your modesty that attracted me to your blog.

sybil law said...

I commend your restraint!
I've totally been in that situation, more times than I even want to remember, and my only solution was to avoid the kid/s or parents. Then again, most of those parents couldn't see what assholes their kids were, so the fact that she does know means she's better off than most.
That kid needs therapy. Period.

SK Waller said...

You did the right thing. Me? I've raised two boys (who are now in their 30s), and despite a nasty divorce and a multitude of other issues, I'd have never allowed them to act that way in any situation. I'm old-fashioned I guess, but I spanked my boys and they turned out just fine. You can't really spank someone else's kids though, so, as much as I would have wanted to bust his kiester, I would have picked up my broken glasses, grabbed him by the collar and dragged him to his mother to show her what he'd done.

I love RLL's idea of blowing her nose on is hat though.

i am the diva said...

My initial reaction would have been to walk away, hard to do when he had your glasses, i imagine.

When my nieces get on my nerves i tell them i don't put up with people who talk/speak/act that way and if they want to act like a big girl and not a baby then they can apologize...and i'll talk to them again

then i pretend they don't exist, i don't talk to them, i don't listen to them, it reeeeaaaaallyy fucking annoys them. They sometimes scream and throw things, but if they're not getting any attention eventually get bored or give up.

i once had to explain to my 5 year old niece who was being particularly bitchy and wouldn't apologize for throwing her juice on my kitchen floor that i had 23 years more experience being stubborn than she did and she could sit on the couch until she was ready to apologize. in the end - i won.

Chris H said...

I feel bloody sorry for the Mum, and even worse for the Kid. It ain't his fault.
He is a product of his parenting.
The Mother should try to get her son into some sort of counselling RIGHT NOW to learn how to deal with his issues, and how his father is dragging him up and teaching him how to be a dreadful person.
There is nothing you can do... it is in her hands.

2abes said...

How long did yo wear the hat you took from the little monster? The father is the problem, not all people should be parents. This guy is an assholem for using the kid to piss off the mom.

Ville said...

Intentionally teaching a child how to be a bully is a form of child abuse. I think the mother needs to make sure her lawyers are aware of what the father is doing to her kids. I would try to gather video evidence of how the kids are treated by him, and show it in court. Then post it on YouTube for all the world to see.

You are a better person than I. I probably would have grabbed the brat by the back of the neck and paraded him around shouting "Look at the little bully now! Need your diaper changed little bully?! How about you just poop in this stupid looking hat?"
A good dose of humiliation usually sticks longer than a beating.

Unknown said...

Good on you for being the better person and not beating the kid like I want to. Or ruining the hat at least.

Faiqa said...

I am totally shocked. I can't believe you let a six year old outsmart you and steal your glasses. Were you drunk?!


What would I do? I would bask in the self righteousness that comes from knowing that I'm completely awesome for not raising a degenerate.

Tamara said...

I think the kid needs therapy. And you apparently need new glasses.

I would have told the kid to pick up the pieces and marched him to his mom to let HIM do the explaining.

Nej said...

Reason # 5,643,296 that I'm not having children...and try to avoid them at all costs. :-) :-) :-)

I don't know what I would have done. His father is the one that needs the crap beat out of him.

Is there a rather large child in the neighborhood you can hire to pick on his son? To give him a taste of his own medicine?? :-) :-)

AlleyCat Runs said...

This is a horrid situation. Ultimately it is up to his mother. How close are you to her? How far do you want to take this? It is frustrating to stand by when you can see what is happening, but are unable to control of the situation. I would have a heart to heart with her & lay out some options/choices for her, like counselling for a start for the child. Good Luck Mate.

Cocaine Princess said...

Oh my God! Little 'Hitler's' father is a complete idiot!

"he now thinks its funny as hell to raise the kids as badly as possible on the days he has them, just to give his ex some extra headaches."

He shouldn't be allowed to go near his son at all!!

P.S. I love the label to this post!

Unknown said...

Okay, I would have secretly tripped his little ass, band his ass from the pool, and pay a bigger kid to whoop his ass and then laugh about it and tell him I'm telling all his friends!

Okay, not really. But that's what I would have WANTED to do.

Anonymous said...

One must treat such spawn as the momma dog treats the baby dog.

When baby dog fucks up, momma dog:

1) Immobilizes.
2) Eyeballs from above.
3) Speaks in a low, slow deliberate tone.
4) Doesn't let the little fucker up until they capitulate.

Right about now, your asking yourself how the fuck does this help me?????

Glad you asked!

This kid is acting like an asshole because his old-man is likely fucking with his little brain to get at mommy.

Since "Captain Asshole" can't fuck on mom, due to courts and legal bullshit; he sends this little grunt in his stead.

Try first to realize this kid is probably reacting to mom and dad breaking up and to dad using him.

But I digress, next time you see this little fuck humping on others, do exactly the same thing to him. If he jumps on the kids in the pool, you jump on him in the pool. You stalk his sorry little ass.

One of two things will occur.

1) He will seek the protection of mommy.

2) He'll do something much worse, in which case you will be justified in "correcting" the issue at hand.

In either case, you stalk him. If he goes to mommy, you just sit there with the two of them. When he leaves you leave. It WILL freak the little scumbag out.

If he does something worse, you corner (and or restrain his sorry little ass),

you immobilze him,

get eyeball to eyeball with the little shit and then;

in your lowest tone and most deliberate voice; threaten his very being in terms that will terrify his deviant little brain.

As I don't personally know this little fucker, I am unable to provide more detailed suggestions.

But, you seem like a fairly intelligent fellow....

I would personally not let mom in on the plan. Just make sure that the little prick does something so terrible that his mother will be thankful for your "intervention".

The mind can be a wonderful tool to manipulate, just ask his father; Captain Asshole.

Just make sure you are using your powers for good, not evil; and his mom will be thankful.

P.S. - I would entrust these instructions to a few others who know the situation and can implement them in different setting.

"...You disapprove? Well, too bad! We're in this war for the species, boys and girls. It's simple numbers. They have more....."

Carl - Starship Troopers

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

Oh wow. I think I would have wanted to spank him, right then and there. Tell him that sort of behavior is unacceptable on any terms, in any place. But whether or not I'd do that would depend on how close I was to his mother. In that case, I'd just do what Steph suggested- take the pieces and haul his scrawny 6yo ass to his mother and tell him to explain himself. Otherwise, in the future, I'd slap his face every time he smarted off. His mother should be. And he should definitely not be visiting Captain Asshole any more. Men like him are part of the demise of men in this society in general.

Kimberly said...

That is a creepy kid?

Bruce Johnson said...

Thanks for bringing my work life into this blog. I work in child welfare with the State of Arizona. sheeesh.

First of all, kudos for not drop kicking the little bastard into the deep end....Child Protective Services takes a dim view of that sort of thing.

Based on his behavior, he is a typical child that lacks structure. His father isn't training him to be this way, he just isn't training him at all and probably lets him get away with everthing he does. No consequences in the home, means rampant behvaior outside the home. Expect him to be expelled from the 1st grade relatively soon.

As for what you can do? Not much, since you really can't give him that much structure. Best bet would be to talk to the mother and try and get him enrolled in some sports teams or other structured group activities.

Although in the long run, this kid is probably screwed. The father sounds like an adolescent that never really grew up and the mothers sounds like the timid type that is poor at instilling disipline and rules. Since they will no doubt use the little tyke as a ping-pong ball in the divorce and subsequent seperation, he has little chance of a normal childhood or any type of civilized behavior.

Hope that Helps!!!! Have A Nice Day!!!!

LegalMist said...

She needs a good attorney to get a court order to substantially reduce or eliminate parenting time for the father, or at the very least to have it be supervised parenting time so that he cannot continue to abuse his child in this way; as well as a Court order for him to attend counseling and parenting classes, with his parenting time conditioned upon successful completion of both.

She also needs a good counselor for her kid. He is obviously getting mixed messages about appropriate behavior, and that is not good for him or for anyone who has to deal with him.

And she might benefit from a parenting class. Not to say she is a bad parent (she's probably a great parent in a normal situation), but she is in a horrible situation and maybe a professional could give her good ideas for dealing with it.

If it were me, I'd suggest all these things to her in as nice a way as I could.

Poor kid. Poor mom.