Thursday, July 02, 2009

ROFLMAO! WHERE R U? K THX BYE! : )

If you come here often enough (and really, why wouldn’t you?), you have PROBABLY gleaned that I am a bit of a techie geek.

I’m all for being the first kid on the block to get the latest techno-gadget. I just can’t get my hands on them fast enough, and I’m usually willing to pay a lot more to own whatever the latest blinking, beeping, piece of shit is, months before anyone else.

I bought my first Tivo back when the damn thing was still in beta production and wasn’t really even being sold yet. I had gotten my first DVD player when they only had about 2 dozen movies out for them. Ditto for my GPS, Ipod, Wii, you name it.

Point being, I am always pretty much ready and eager to chomp down and take a bite out of the latest technology.

But ladies and gentleman, I have finally met my match.

Try as I might, as much as I WANT to, I just cannot for the LIFE of me understand cell phone texting.

My nieces text me ALL the time. My friends text me. Friz texts me. Shit, even EARL texts me.

Every time my cell phone beeps me that I have a new text, I then proceed to look like a Neanderthal for the next 10 minutes as I try to use the miniscule buttons on my cell phone to attempt to type in a 3 word message that I could have spit out in a 15 second fucking phone call.

It was pissing me off so much, that I finally broke down and got one of those “flip” cell-phones, so now I have a full keyboard for texting instead of having to hit each fucking button 3 times just to type the letter “c”.

And you know what? I STILL don’t get it.

I’d much rather just pick up the phone, say what I have to say to you, and then hang the Hell up, than to sit there and hunt and peck at this thing for 30 minutes back and forth just to find out that you thought this week’s “LOST” was good and we should hang out tomorrow.

I just don’t get it.

Texting is the first (and so far only) technological “advancement” in my life that honestly makes me feel old.

I feel like any minute now I’m gonna violently swing my cane at some passing texting kids and yell “You young whipper-snappers! In my day, we didn’t have these fancy “Cell Phones”. NO Siree! No, when we wanted to talk to someone, we would call them up on these big, clunky phones attached to our kitchen walls! And we didn’t have these namby-pamby push buttons, either! No, when we wanted to call someone, we had to get a pencil and stick it in the holes in the phone and actually dial the number! Just dialing someone’s number took 30 fucking minutes, and we LIKED IT!”

I really hope that this “texting-aversion” I have is just an anomaly, and that this isn’t the first sign that I am starting a slow slide into old age and senility.

Because, as we all know, this body of mine is WAY too sexy for me to be going senile. It just wouldn’t be fair to you guys.

p.s. I know, I know. I’ve been a bad boy this week and have not visited any of your blogs. I’m just all honked up at work right now, and haven’t had the time. Hopefully I can make things right with each of you next week, with a nice slow massage, and a bubble bath. Call me.

40 comments:

Ookami Snow said...

I text some, but my sister sometimes wants to get into a detailed conversation over text. That's when I just call her.

She is somewhat of a texting wizard though, her current phone is to slow for her. Really, she has to wait after a bit of typing for the letters to catch back up with her on the screen.

Meghan said...

One you start texting it's like a bad drug. It's so impersonal but great for cell phone minutes. And dirty texting is always fun ;)

Kimberly said...

I dun txt either :-). Makes me feel way too old - just by trying.

Ville said...

I'm with you!!! Just call me!!

i am the diva said...

ohhh, dirty texting, that's where it's at man. I can send a very nasty sexy text to B-rad and he'll get it on his coffee break and it'll make his whole frakkin' day.

Also, when travelling it's cheaper to send a text message than it is to call someone (at least on my provider) so i do a lot of texting while i'm on vaycay.

and ALSO, sometimes i don't want to hear about your day or i don't want to give you all the details about why i'm late when i can just text you: "Be there in 15 minutes" you know all the information you need.

I'm all about using texts for small pertinent bits of info, that and dirty dirty messages.

But my little bro (5 years younger than me, he's 24) will almost never answer his cell phone, but if you text him he'll text you back. I asked him why, and he said it's easier and then he doesn't have to actually talk to anyone. I think it's just a difference in that generation... they don't want to talk to human beings. They want all their information at their convenience, where they can read it if they want to, or not. He also doesn't answer emails, only facebook messages.

Heff said...

Heff Doesn't Text. Heff Doesn't Tweet. Heff doesn't even like cell phones.

The last thing I purchased that was "leading-edge new to the public" was my dvd/5.1 home theater system, and I was QUITE pissed when 6 months later it was reduced to HALF the price I paid for it when it first came out. From then on, Heff let electronic techonology get some age on it before I F*** with it. A penny saved is a penny NOT taken out of my ass.

Heff said...

"techonology" ??? See, it's a good thing I DON'T text.....

Dr Zibbs said...

I habe internet on my blackberry but don't have a text plan.

I'm not a big fan of texting other than my twitter texting which I do through a browser on my phone.

That is all.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Yeah, texting is where I draw the goddamn line. Not giving in.

So, really for me it's not about being old, just having a righteous edge to it all.

Speaking of which, half naked woman on the blog today.

(just thought I would provide some incentive for you to visit :)

sorry, it's not me with the half nakedness. :)

HAPPY FOURTH YOU OLD BASTARD!

Dr Zibbs said...

And I might as well hawk my Twitter name which is @DrZibbs (in case your followers want to follow me on Twitter.

mikeb302000 said...

I do some texting on the cell phone. It's very popular here in Italy. I don't have the patience to do anything very long. Do they all work where you have to press the button three times to get the third letter? It seems a bit tedious for me to do much more than I already do.

mo.stoneskin said...

Being unable to text is the surest sign of old age. Sorry ol' chap.

Employee No. 3699 said...

What is this texting you speak of?!?

Bina said...

So, you don't have time to visit, but you have time to blog about how much you hate texting cause texting takes you 30 minutes. Hmmmmmmm.

You need a spankin'. And then I'll teach you how to text without having to hit the same button over and over! LOL

B.E. Earl said...

I don't believe I've sent you a text in well over a year.

I knew early on that you hated it with a passion.

I agree that some texts are ridiculous. "What are your plans tonight?" Really? Call me and find out. But sometimes a "pick up some t.p., honey" text works out just fine.

Shania said...

Ha! U R old 2 (just like me). I traded in the blackberry bc the stupid letters were too small and it kept trying to fill in words for me. I have the instinct, which has a qwerty keyboard that you just tap. Still takes me forever though.

debi_in_Hawaii said...

In lieu of the massage and bubble bath, can you just take me for a ride in the G6? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez

Chris H said...

I text ALL THE TIME! It is so much cheaper than ringing. I am godsmacked that you don't get it! Hell, even my 70 year old mother texts! And she understands 'text words" like ...
2da, l8r, b4... do you?

GiGi said...

I had to get a new cell phone, after having the same one for 5 years. Got it just days before my 3rd was born, and have used the text crap ONCE to send a bajillion people baby details...weight, whatever. I have not used it since. I totally agree with you on the texting stuff - call me crazy....

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I totally agree - texting is too time consuming and silly. I had a big long text from a friend - and I just looked at her number and dialed it back! LOL.

latindog said...

Got to disagree with you on this one. I am generally the last holdout when it comes to technology and I even came very late to texting but I absolutely love it. The people I know keep you on the phone for 20 min for the simplest question. I love the brevity of a text.

terri said...

I KNOW! I hate texting. I'd rather talk on the phone, IM, email... anything but texting.

And I'm not getting old and senile, so there's no way that you could be.

sybil law said...

This merely makes me crush on you even more. I actually have texting TURNED OFF on my phone - and it makes people INSANE that I won't text (or accept them)!
I hate it.

dizzblnd said...

i am a texting freak.. but I also talk someones ear off too.

I don't thing your old and senile.. just don't tell future generations about the dial on the cable box.
Remember... WE were the remote control and we knew just how many dial clicks it took from one channel to another and we'd do it so fast pur parents would yell at us for going too fast

"You'll break the dial." And for the love all all things holy.. do NOT tell anyone that BEFORE cable we only had 3 channels... they'd have you institutionalized!

AlleyCat said...

Crikey Slyde! You sound like my Mother!!!! Get a grip man! You really need your nieces to give you a lesson!

1, 2, 3......lets all send Slyde a text message NOW! bahahahahaha

Tamara said...

Believe it or not, I have serious phone phobia. Kinda sucks as a journalist. I take Rescue Remedy before calling my interviewees (and yet, if your bloody Snapvine would let me, I would leave you a message).

Texting, or SMSing as we call it in South Africa, is my preferred means of communicating. If you have to hit one button three times to get 'c', you're obviously not using predictive text, which makes life INFINITELY easier, once you're used to it.

badgerdaddy said...

Maybe it's time to change the name to 'Slide's Blog'. Just saying.

Charmskool said...

Two words for you "predictive text". You don't have to press each letter 3 times for the right one to come up. Or is your technology further behind than that of Africa? Oh yeah I forgot - almost every single South African has a mobile phone (and even my grandma can text). Probably because it's such a mission to get a landline installed and they charge so much for the phone calls.

Being Brazen said...

I like to text..saves me money...but sometimes im annoyed that people only text and never call

Cocaine Princess said...

The more you text the better and faster you become.

James said...

I have never sent a text I would not know how to do it. I don't have a mobile phone.
But I hate text message speak anyway, I like the English language too much. My text messages would be huge.

I watched a young girl on a bus yesterday sending a text, I could not believe the speed her thumb was moving, left thumb it was too.

Ali said...

I'm a text whore. Absolutely.

And I've booked you on a flight to Winnipeg for next Tuesday - I need a massage desperately! What with all the text whoring and stuff, I'm pretty sore.

Michelle said...

TEXT ME OR NOTHING!

Michelle said...

DIRTY TEXT ME!

Faiqa said...

I was like that until I got an iPhone. It made it easier. Plus, I don't have to actually call my mom every day any more. "Thinking of you" gets me off the hook without actually having to TALK to her for ten minutes about something mind numbing and guilt inducing. ;) It's awesome.

Nej said...

I spend all day at work on the internet. Emails, emails, emails. So texting is just another extension of that, to me. :-)

Christine said...

OMG I would be lost without text. I don't have the damn time to get on the phone every time I need to tell someone what time to meet for drinks or to ask if I need to bring home milk. A conversation that would have gone off on all sorts of tangents is now short, sweet and to the point.

So, get with the program,,practice makes perfect.

Cuz said...

wow, all i do is text. when people actually call me, i text them back! LOL just got the new EnV3 with the keyboard and i love it.

Diane J. said...

I agree with the whole texting fiasco.

What really sucked was having to ask my 15-year-old where the heck the apostrophe was located.

Bruce said...

I couldn't figure out texting either, until recently. Made no sense until I started to experiment with it. After getting way from the adolescent BFF and LOL shit from the tweens that live on it, the concept of short, brief message sent on the fly brings us closer to a global network (sort of like the Borg.....resistance is futile) only with warm and fuzzy smilies and cute characters. Typing the stuff out is never gonig to be easy, but that is why is it so cryptic with short abrievated words (in the future, there will be no vowels). While I use it and can see it's reason for being, I don't think it is ever going to be a bit thing for me.