Friday, July 17, 2009

Murder Can Be….. Disappointing

Be Warned: I am about to go off on a tear about CBS’s Murder Mystery mini-series event, Harper’s Island, that just wrapped up this week. If you don’t want to know “whodunit”, then I suggest you stop reading now, and for the love of God, don’t even scroll down at all! Look, just close the browser now and you’ll be fine, k? You’ve been warned.

So, the murder mystery show Harper’s Island has finally finished, and the killer has been revealed…..

… and I am right pissed.

I REALLY tried with this one. REALLY REALLY tried.

As I mentioned before this show started, I LOVE a good murder mystery. It just might be my favorite form of entertainment (besides orgies, and busting on Earl, not necessarily in that order).

And with all the money and hype that CBS put into this endeavor, I had such high hopes that my murder-mystery itch was going to be scratched.

Boy, was I wrong.

Did you see the banner picture above? You might have noticed the not so subtle text, “13 Weeks, 25 suspects, ONE KILLER?”

Well, silly me, I mistakenly took that to mean that THERE WAS ONLY 1 KILLER ON THE ISLAND!!!!!

Each week, I painstakingly watched each episode, and began ruling out potential suspects based on the “one killer” rule. When there was no WAY a person, based on his/her current location, could have been in the same location at the time of a particular murder, I removed them as a suspect. I began to suspect I was in a bit of trouble about 3 weeks ago, when I categorically “cleared” every fucking person left alive on the island.

My suspicions proved to be true when, 2 weeks ago, a new person suddenly “popped” onto the island, WHO IS NOT EVEN LISTED IN THE PICTURE ABOVE, who turned out to be doing a good number of the kills. We quickly learned that he was working WITH one of our original suspects.

Now, I’ve never professed to be a math wiz (just incredibly good-looking), but from the way I’m looking at it …..



Just as I feared at the onset, all my deductions proved for naught, for with the inclusion of a “new” person on the island, any logic I used from the onset went right out the fucking window.

And since, if you read this far, you either already KNOW who the killer turned out to be, or you could give two shits, I present to you the ultimate murderer on Harpers Island.

Yes, in the end, Henry, the groom, turned out to be the son of the islands original murderer, John Wakefield. The father/son duo teamed up to …..

… to WHAT, actually?

I can’t really figure THAT part out either. I guess you can argue that they were taking revenge for almost killing Wakefield years before, but most of the people they killed really had nothing to do with THAT prior event.

The final insult was in the ending scenes, where Henry tells Abbey that HE went along with his father’s plan, and faked their deaths, so the two of them could fall in love and live on Harper’s Island forever.

Excuse me?

You just faked your own death, idiot. I’m pretty sure if you just moved into another house somewhere on the island, the other island residents might start to get suspicious when they saw you in town buying groceries.

But then again, with the morons who seem to populate this place, maybe not.

At least, as some Summer fluff goes, Harpers Island kept me entertained, but in the end it fell FAR short of being anything resembling a solid murder mystery.


2abes said...

i also bought into it and gave it a chance only to be disappointed. sort of like charlie brown trying to kick the football the lucy promised not to move. the show took way to many liberties. ie...where did all the people on the island go during the last 3 weeks when the wedding party was running around looking for help. the premise of the groom killing everyone so that they could be together was utterly rediculous...i was disappointed

Mrs. Hall said...



I knew who the killer was and I say it was the 'groom to be'.

now! let me read your post and find out that I was correct. ;)

Mrs. Hall said...


Well, 75% right. I would have connected the father son thing eventually but I was sooo right!

HOW did i figure it?

He was guilty by ommission!

For instance, in the first episode-there is that scene with him and his bride to be. They have just finished making whoopie, she goes to the bathroom to clean up. Her cell phone rings on the night stand. And he looks at it, and it's the bride's to be ex-boyfriend and he's all non chalant. OMMISSION!

And another scene, during a party-she turns and walks away from him. Its obvious she is being all coy and playful because she is cheating on him.


The camera lingers on him. Time and money dictates each shot in these shows. THERE IS A PURPOSE TO EACH SHOT.

Same devise is used in "Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens-the French revolutionaries-the guilty parties, are often hidden in plain site. They call no attention to themselves, not reacting.

The biggest example is the knitting woman. She knits blankets with emblems/symbols in them.

HERES THE THING! All those emblems/designs serve as a sort of code and thus a newspaper for the other revolutionaries to read. The symbols/designs she knits into the blankets she knits instructs the revolutionaries on what to do, where to go, etc.

The entire time though, she is sitting right in the middle of everything! Only we (the reader) are not told what she is doing. Dickens JUST points her out several times. Saying she is 'just knitting'.

It's the fact she is called attention to, several times in fact-this gives away the secret of her role in the revolution.

I figured she was a huge part of the revolution RIGHT AWAY.

Guilt by ommission I SAY!!!

so yeah. i was right.

go me!

Mrs. Hall said...

yeah, i loved that book.

ya'll need to sit your ass down, grab a copy and blow through it. even if it takes a year.

that book is good stuff!!!

ok ok



badgerdaddy said...

Well, thank goodness, Mrs Holly Hall, that you use the shift key so well, or I might not have understood your brilliance.

Slyde said...

abes: yeah, the sudden dissapearance of everyone on the island was just ONE of the annoying things about this show

holly: i have to hand it to you, you nailed it. Maybe not for the right reasons exactly, but you got it.

badger: now i have to learn how to use caps...

Mrs. Hall said...

You have no idea how long I have held this in. HENCE THE USE OF THE CAP LOCK KEY. Sorry the show was dissapointing to you Slyde. :)

Verdant Earl said...

Did you say "bust a nut on Earl?"

Dude, that's disgusting!

sybil law said...

I hate to laugh, because if I'd even have heard of that show and bothered to watch it, I would've been highly pissed, too, but man.
The rundown you gave is so ludicrous and stupid, and it made me laugh. Sorry. :)
Murder Mystery FAIL.

Slyde said...

holly: yeah, me too.. thanks..

earl: uuuuuh, no. just wishful thinking on your part.

sybil: murder mystery fail, indeed.

Kimberly said...

Omgosh...stop crying already. Eat your food & watch TV.

Chris H said...

Well then... IF that programme ever gets down here to New Zealand I won't be watching it!
I hate suckful endings... and it sure sounds like it was suckful.

Cocaine Princess said...

I was right! I was right! I remember I wrote in one of your comment sections that I believe Henry to be the killer.

Too bad the show is not returning for a second season.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I CANNOT READ! Thanks for the spoiler alert!!

JennyMac said...

Thank you for saving my husband precious time watching this..I will relay all your brilliant observations.