Monday, June 01, 2009

Well, This Is Nice…


There’s no better feeling in the world than to walk in to work on a Monday morning, just to have a Human Resources representative come to tell you that we have a case of Swine Flu right here in my office!

Are you kidding me?

But all is ok. We are being told “not to be concerned”, because the quick thinking geniuses that run this company have hired a cleaning service to come in here tonight and “give this place a good cleaning”.

Whew! That’s a load off my mind.

For a second there, I was kinda worried that I might catch this thing, but just knowing that, when I get to work tomorrow, I will be working in the cool comfort of knowing that the FUCKING CARPET IN MY OFFICE WILL HAVE BEEN VACCUMED!

That should solve everything! Never mind the daily barrage of people coughing all over me every fucking day in the kitchen as I get my morning coffee because, in a stroke of genius, my cheap-ass company did away with Sick Days last year and now if you need to take a day off it comes out of your Vacation time-off.

The net result of THAT winning move is that NOW no one ever takes a fucking sick day!

But now I can rest easy knowing that it will all be fine tomorrow because someone will roll a steam cleaner past my office tonight.

That’s sure is a relief! I’m sure to sleep easy tonight.

26 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Maybe you are a carrier and you were the one who infected the office!

I'm pretty sure I saw you having relations with a Mexican boar last weekend. You were getting all up it's muddy business. Sicko.

Callie said...

That sucks.

Just don't breathe on me, okay?

Dr Zibbs said...

Maybe the cleaning people will leave mints.

I don't know.

Bina said...

Holy Shit. You know what I would do? And you know what I DID do when my second eye got infected? I wiped down every key on my keyboard, my mouse, my phone, and my desk with alcohol. I did NOT want to get this shit again, and if there were a case of swine flu here, I would do it again, plus wipe down any doors and door handles.

HEY!! I have a great idea! Tell your company I will come and clean their office for free if they pay my way there and give me the hotel room!!!!!!

Now THERE'S an idea!

Slyde said...

earl: Sir, that pig was NO boar!

callie: i'll try :)

zibbs: always leave it to zibbsy to show me how the glass is half full!

bina: so, you would be HERE, with your own hotel room? Sounds like a plan!

mo.stoneskin said...

What you need to do is take a hosepipe with to work. Fix one end to the entrance door on your way in, keeping the other end in your mouth. You can walk all the way to your desk letting it unwind, all the while keeping it in your mouth and only breathing through the hose. Sure it will be bloody hard work breathing though such a long tube, and the hose could be a trip hazard but your health is worth it.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'd be sure to take a can of Lysol and a bunch of alcohol wipes to work tomorrow and just spray every surface with the spray and follow up with the wipes! Blech!

Slyde said...

mo: i have a feeling they couldnt go for that...

evil: already way ahead of you. But thanks for the heads up! :)

Ali said...

Hmm, maybe we should axe the kissing for a while...

...I'm all healthy and junk.

sybil law said...

Ew. That sucks!
Who the hell takes away sick days?!

Heff said...

You mean I'll have to start farting in your chair before you get to work all over again ??

Steph said...

What kind of a Scrooge outfit gets rid of sick days? What a crock!

terri said...

Tomorrow. Yeah. Because all the germs floating around in there TODAY are going to refrain from attempting to infect you until the cleaning crew comes through.

You got some smart people running that place.

(We have no sick days either. But a generous PTO package, so it works out ok.)

Meghan said...

Wow. We're gonna have to stop making out til this thing blows over.

Tamara said...

Isn't that illegal - taking away sick days?

Chris H said...

You could have tried holding your breath! NO? Oh well... enjoy the clean carpet.

2abes said...

I hear its not as bad as it sounds. Eat more bacon, I hear it helps build antibodies against swine flu

Kate said...

Taking away sick days.. jeezums. What a stupid policy.

At least now you can lay down on the clean carpet when you are sick, while doing your work, too, of course.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Dude it's every where,
My daughter is home for 5 days for Flu.

I can tell you this, it had been mild at best thank god.

dizzblnd said...

WOW I am glad I don't work for your company. We still have our sick days. Unfortunately.. "a good cleaning" is what we would get too if anyone ever got the H1N1 virus. Gotta be politically correct ya know.

They are supposed to hire a cleaning company liscensed to clean up that mess


I hope your sexy self doesn't get sick ;)

dizzblnd said...

WOW I am glad I don't work for your company. We still have our sick days. Unfortunately.. "a good cleaning" is what we would get too if anyone ever got the H1N1 virus. Gotta be politically correct ya know.

They are supposed to hire a cleaning company liscensed to clean up that mess


I hope your sexy self doesn't get sick ;)

Nej said...

Let me get this straight...the cleaning company came in that night. So....everyone that worked in the building during the day is screwed?

Oh yes, makes all the sense in the world. :-)

Momo Fali said...

The brilliance of employer policies never fails to amaze me. Morons.

Dr Zibbs said...

Just checking back to...

..OK this is uncomfortable

I was just checking to see if you were still alive. and if you weren't I was going to tell you followers that since YOU don't have a blog anymore they might want to consider following mine.

But glad you're OK.

Dr Zibbs said...

..If you're alive that is.

Sitting In Silence said...

PMSl....Bloody hell...what a nightmare !