Monday, May 04, 2009

Snickety- Snickt!

The new Wolverine movie stinks.

How’s that for a short review?

Ok, maybe I should expand that a bit. Let me try again.

On Saturday morning, my homo-erotic friend Earl and I trekked to the movie theatre to catch the matinee showing of Wolverine.

Like most comic fanboys, Wolverine is one of my favorite superheroes, so I had been looking forward to this movie for awhile now. As the production of the film continued and tidbits got leaked, however, it became readily apparent to me that this was NOT going to be the film I wanted to see. Still, I really tried to keep an open mind.

I don’t know what to say about this movie. It attempts to tell Wolverine’s origin, but the movie takes only bits and bobs of his origin, and changes the rest for no discernable reason. Movie studios KNOW that they will piss off their hardcore fan base when they do things like this, but more often than not, they do it anyway.

One of the main problems I had with this movie is that it is just all over the place! It opens with Wolverine as a little kid of 8, then he runs away and joins the army, then he’s in World war 2, then Vietnam, then has a blowout with his brother Sabertooth (again, what? They are NOT related in the comics… why here?) where he then decides to go off on his own.

All of THAT happens in the credits.

From there, it gets even more confusing. They put the mutants Cyclops, Gambit, Deadpool, and the White Queen all into Wolverines origin where they don’t belong, and none of them are used properly, or to great effect.

My other major problem with this movie is that it just seemed…. I dunno….Cheaply made. That’s the best way I could describe it. It boggles my mind that this movie supposedly cost 140 million dollars to make, because you just don’t see it in the finished product.

To be sure, there is a TON of action in this film, but the action scenes just aren’t very exciting.

Bottom line is, if a movie fails to excite a total fanboy like myself, I don’t see how anyone else could give a fig about this movie either.

P.S. The banner picture is the cover of Incredible Hulk #181, which just so happens to contain the first full appearance of Wolverine. It came out in 1974 and cost 25 cents. In 1974, a 6 year-old Slyde walked to his local 7-11 for a Slurpee, and came out 25 cents poorer but with Hulk 181 in his little hands.

NOW that book is worth the price of a small country, and I still have it. I just wish I had taken better care of it as a young-un, because, while my copy could STILL fetch a decent penny, if I had taken better care of it as a tyke I could have paid off my house with it.

33 comments:

2abes said...

sorry the movie didn't live up to expectations. i hate when crappywood changes a good story for no apparent reason. Most of these stories don't need to be changed just produced. They have an unending stream of material if they only could do it right!

2abes said...

oh yeah I forgot to ask...did you pull the popcorn trick on Earl? or was it his turn?

mo.stoneskin said...

I was always reluctant to see it, but taking it from you, I probably won't.

Slyde said...

abes: ive been waiting 20 years for it to finally be his turn..

mo: yeah, your better off renting it somewhere down the line..

Heff said...

Shouldn't this post have been on Movie Grenade ?!?

Slyde said...

heff: yeah, it almost was, but as much as i didng like it, i dont know if i'd call it "grenadable".

vixen kitten said...

Sorry the movie was such a disappointment. :(

I can't say it's high on my list of must sees.

Have a great day.

~vk~

B.E. Earl said...

I think you are over-valuing the price on that issue of The Incredible Hulk a bit. I think I was expecting so little with this film that the lame final product didn't disappoint me as much as it did for you. Everything you said about it is spot on. Except for Deadpool. He did have something to do with the Weapon X program and some of Wolvie's DNA was used to make him heal faster. Something to do with his cancer, I think.

Slyde said...

vixen: you are making the right decision to pass on it.

earl: ive seen mint copies of 181 going for almost 20k. and i didnt know that about deadpool, but then again, i never liked the character (but i do have his first issue as well)..

Bina said...

Hey sexy, my C drive still needs some work, in a BAD way!

I have heard this movie wasn't good, but I haven never seen a full movie about ... Fantastic Four, Five? What are those movies??? So now I really won't see it. I tend to believe every single word you say, so I won't waste my time on the movie!

sybil law said...

That's it - I will not be going to see this movie. Not that I was really going to, anyway. :)
Seriously, you're the second person I know who said it sucked. That's enough for me.

Dr Zibbs said...

I don't want to be a narc but Earl said you couldn't concentrate because all you were thinking about was your Snapvine recorder.

If I recall correctly he said that in a blog post on a blog that has all of the readers of his blog EXCEPT you. It's kind of top secret.

Because it's pretty much just about you.

Shania said...

But will it be good to a little boy who begs everyday to go see "Silverween"? (No, I don't know why he calls him that, but I think it's cute)

terri said...

I can only guess the producers were playing to the masses... the ones who come to see a good action movie, but don't really know the history of the characters. Bottom line is that it's always about making a buck.

dizzblnd said...

Sigh.. I am really disappointed to hear that you didn't like it. It seems you and I like the same types of movies, so your review bums me out. BUT it also saves money I can't afford to be blowing at the theater.
Don't beat yourself up over the comic book.. when you are a kid.. you are a kid. You don't think of the future.

Just enjoy the memories and make sure Mini-you gently enjoys his stuff.. or buy 2 or each...lol

Sass said...

Thank you for helping me to officially cross this off my list.

You're doing good deeds left and right here, sir.

Chris H said...

Luckily I was not likely to go and see that movie anyway. They don't 'do' it for me... now give me a good chick flick.....any reviews of those for me?

James said...

Thanks Slyde.

I probably wouldn't have watched it anyway. But now I will even avoid it when it comes on the telly.

Michelle said...

Green man said that the movie was solid!!

Who should I believe??

HAPPY CINCO de MAYO!!!

Tamara said...

Finally you and I agree on a movie!The director's a South African and did a brilliant job with his last film. I figure he was so excited to finally have a big Hollywood budget that he included every single cliche he always wished he could afford to make.

What a waste of time! And seeing they insisted on making Saber Tooth and Wolverine brothers, you'd think they'd show what happened to Liev Shreiber at the end. But wait... maybe there's a crummy sequel in the works...

Slyde said...

bina: you keep talking like that, and ill come to you and fix that drive real good :)

sybill: yup.. take my word for it

zibs: whats the name of that site again?

shania: for a little boy? absolutely! he'll love it

Slyde said...

terri: i cant argue with that, but i think to alienate the die-hards is just wrong.

dizz: i know, but everytime i think of how i abused that book as a kid, i cringe..

sass: if i could tie a knot, id be a boy scout.

chrish: chick flix? wrong blog!

Slyde said...

james: for the telly, it could be watchable. Paying 10 bucks for it? no way.

michele: who are you gonna beleive?

tamara: hey now! i think we agree on things quite often!

Ookami Snow said...

How do movies like this get made? Kevin Smith might be able to help explain that:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgYhLIThTvk

Meghan said...

Ummm....I loved the movie......*crickets*

Slyde said...

ookami snow: dont be a KS hater... he may be a hack sometimes, but i cant not love the guy..

meghan: up until now, we were perfect for each other.... sigh

honeywine said...

I guessed as much from the disjointed commercials. Btw, Paladin was sitting here looking over my shoulder and identified the year and the comic in question with one look! ;)

Slyde said...

honey: then he's my kind of guy. High five him for me!

Callie said...

Two things -

First - you have the first showing of Wolverine? You are my new hero.

Second - Kevin Smith is adorable. His movies usually suck (except Dogma, naturally), but KS is entirely too cute for words.

Cocaine Princess said...

I haven't seen it yet (I'm so behind on my movies) but I enjoyed reading your review.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

hee hee, fanboy.

haahahaha!

Sorry it was disappointing.

Ookami Snow said...

Although I don't like Kevin Smith that wasn't my point, he talks about how the people that make the movies have no idea what history the super heroes have and attempt to make the heroes their own instead of making the movies that the fanboys actually want to see.

Nej said...

The first one was great...the second one was ok....and I've heard from others, besides you, that the third one blows goats.

I was excited when I heard it was coming out...but now, not so sure.