Monday, April 20, 2009

That’s a Mighty Big Beaver You’ve Got There!

The following is an actual conversation with my mother on Friday when we met at a local pizzeria for lunch:

- Looking at the bottom of the cap of my Snapple bottle while we are eating -
Me: “Hey, there’s a bit of history trivia written on the bottom of this cap.”

Mom: “What does it say?”

Me: “It says, ‘Beavers used to be as large as a bear.’”

Mom: “Really?”

Me: “That’s what it says.”

Mom: “Wow, I wonder when THAT was?”

Me: “Probably in the 1960’s…”

Mom: “Why would you say something so stupid as there were giant beavers in the 1960s?”

Me: “Because you asked a stupid question! When the Hell do you THINK we had giant beavers??? It had to be during prehistoric times, obviously!”

Mom: “Not necessarily.”

Me: “Not necessarily? Have you ever SEEN a monster beaver?”

Mom: “No, I haven’t.”

Me: “How about Grandma? Do you think she ever spied one?”

Mom: “I’m pretty sure she didn’t, either.”

Me: “Now, how far back in our lineage do you want me to go with this, before you see what i'm driving at?”

Mom: “…………..”

Mom: “Lucky me, I raised an asshole.”


Happy early Mother’s day, mom!

36 comments:

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

oh god. so funny this post. Good times when your mom openly calls you an asshole. lord howdy that's good stuff.

Bina said...

Holy Shit that was funny! I don't know what I think is funnier, this

"Mom: “Why would you say something so stupid as there were giant beavers in the 1960s?”

Me: “Because you asked a stupid question! When the Hell do you THINK we had giant beavers??? It had to be during prehistoric times, obviously!”

or this

Mom: “Lucky me, I raised an asshole.”

I LOVE your mother!!!!!

mo.stoneskin said...

Funny stuff.

Personally, I've always suspected that beavers were much larger. Filthy, environmentally unfriendly (think of the trees) critters that have always look suspicious.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

HAHAHAHahaaa! Your mom was totally talking ab out monster big beavers!

Dr Zibbs said...

I really think we might have the same parents.

i am the diva said...

big beavers are always good for a laugh.

dizzblnd said...

I LOVE those snapplefacts. I have never got one that would spark THAT great of a conversation tho.

Did you get the sarcasm gene from your mother or father?

Amorous Rocker said...

Hahahaha. =D Lucky her. ;)

I love the little facts on the Snapple caps. That's half the reason why I drink those things, lol.

Elise said...

You're mother's funny!

She has a point though. The last time I went to the National History Museum I didn't see any giant beaver bones in the prehistoric section.... xx

B.E. Earl said...

She DID raise an asshole.

Good for her for finally admitting it.

Kate said...

Now that's just CUTE! The whole thing.

Michelle said...

Your mom is my new hero!

Are you really an asshole like she says?

Heff said...

My Mom would STILL think I was talking about woodland creatures. God Help her.

terri said...

I love your mom. Do you think she could come slap some sense into my brothers?

Being Brazen said...

ha ha ha ha !!!

2abes said...

must of been a hard day for your mom to admit her faults...still a very funny conversation

Bruce said...

I like your mother.....

Faiqa said...

Wow. My mom would have beat the shit out of me... for jusat saying "beaver." The rest of it? You'd be scraping my eyeballs off of the walls. :)

Raechelle said...

I love your mom-I was going to say that I think she and my mom are sisters-but after reading the comments it's obvious we are ALL RELATED.....

Chris H said...

Your mother was right... THAT. IS. ALL.

Callie said...

*snicker/giggle*

I do not have the kind of mind it would take to keep a straight face during that conversation.

teeni said...

HAHAHA! I LOVE your mom! You need to do more posts about her. Obviously you get your wit from her but she is still the queen! :)

Ali said...

Your mom is awesome! I love her!

And you never know...maybe your grandma's grandma was a giant beaver herder...

Real Live Lesbian said...

Obviously, you haven't been to a lesbian bar lately. Some damn big prehistoric beavers there.

Thanks for the laugh....that's as close as I've ever come to a spit-take!

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