Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Phasers, Redux

You wanna know the BEST part about having your blog up and running for over 4 years?

No, it’s not the great people you meet, or the cherished experiences.

It’s the fact that, when you are feeling exceptionally lazy, you can just steal from yourself and reprint an old post.

At least this reprint is relevant, and not just a random missive that im dropping on ya.

This weekend I attended ICON, which for all you people not nearly as cool as myself, is Long Island’s premier science fiction convention. Klingons and Jedi from all over the island converged under 1 roof for one magical weekend.

This year, I got to meet and speak with Callie From Battlestar Galactica, and a seemingly drunk Major West from Lost in Space. I also got to see Samwise from Lord of the Rings, and some chick with Big Tits that apparently was in “something”, but regrettably our conversation never managed to lurch past the fact that I was just staring at her nipples for 10 minutes.

Anyway, I’ve been attending ICON off and on for about 15 years now, and every time I go, I am once again reminded of the time when I got to check out Mr. Sulu’s penis.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy as I once again recount my tale of weenie watching.

(Yes, ive reprinted this one time already. I don’t care. It makes me laugh. Bite me.)

Set Phasers To "Faaaaa-bulous!"

Originally Posted 11/21/2005

As some of you have probably heard by now, George Takei, the Asian contingent of the crew of the original Star Trek TV show, better known as “Mr. Sulu” by the masses, has finally come out of the closet, and admitted to being a homosexual.

Now, to anyone who is ANY kind of trekkie, this revelation is not the earth shattering expose that some of the tabloids in the past week have made it out to be. I mean, was there ANYONE out there who didn’t realize Sulu was gay? The man displayed so many stereotypically gay personality traits that I don’t think it would be insulting to say that this revelation didn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone. Who’s the next big celebrity that will shock us by coming out of the closet...... Richard Simmons? My God, the scandal!!!

But I digress. This blog entry really has nothing to do with George Takei’s sexual orientation. I say, more power to him. Live long and prosper and all that.

The sudden news attention surrounding Mr. Sulu got myself and B.E. Earl talking the other day, about an incident between myself and Mr. Takei about 15 years ago. Upon talking about the incident again, we thought our loyal Slyde-Bloggers would find this a pretty funny yarn.

Before I begin, I need to stress again that this took place about 15 years ago. I was probably about 22 or so. Believe me, I stake no claim now that I am anything close to mature, but if you knew me back then, you’d think I was Obi-Wan Kenobi now. Let’s just preface this little story by saying that, although I am not ashamed of my less-than-mature outlook on life, I’m not so proud of it that I plan to put it on my resume, either.

Anyway, the year was about 1993 or so, and Earl, myself, and a group of friends all decided to attend I-CON. I-CON, for all you non-geeky Long Islanders, is L.I.’s biggest yearly science fiction convention. Nerds from all over convene every April to buy sci-fi merchandise, watch sci-fi movies, listen to sci-fi guests, and find other ways of embarrassing themselves with their dorkiness. I fully admit to taking part in such endeavors in my youth from time to time…..

Anyway, at some point I needed use the restroom, so I found the “Little Tribbles” room and entered one of the stalls. While inside the stall, I heard some people enter, discussing what sounded like a movie script, when suddenly I heard that distinctive deep voice that all Trekkies know so well. There was no doubt in my mind that Mr. Sulu had just walked into the bathroom. Apparently, Mr. Takei was scheduled to be a guest speaker at the convention.

Amazed, I kept listening to their conversation. I heard the other people leave the restroom, and then I thought I heard Mr. Sulu walk up to one of the urinals against the far wall, taking care of nature.

A strange thought occurred to me: There was a person of some celebrity status, in a state of semi-nakedness, in my near vicinity. Of course I came to the obvious conclusion: This was a rare opportunity to see a movie star’s private parts!

Now, I have to stop the story at this point for a quick aside. I do NOT, in any shape of form, play on the same team as our esteemed Mr. Sulu. On the contrary, I have such a weakness for the fairer sex, that it has gotten me into more trouble in past years than I could care to admit.

But the fact remained, that less than 10 feet from me was a famous Willy. I had once heard a story of a person who was in a hotel in Detroit on a business trip, who walked down the hall one night to see David Lee Roth naked in an open hotel room. I remember it being a very funny story, and I decided I wanted a famous naked story for myself. So, off I went to get my own story….

I exited the stall, and quickly ran up to the urinal next to Mr. Takei. He glanced at me briefly, then went about his business.

It was at this time I stole a quick look at Mr. Sulu’s personal phaser.

I am not going to degrade the top-notch integrity and standards of SLYDESBLOG with any details (hey, if you want details, stalk him in a bathroom yourself!). But let’s just say, I got my look.

Afterwards, my friends and I all had a good laugh about it. We even decided to attend Mr. Takei’s lecture. The lecture hall was large, seating a few hundred people. Nerds and Klingons from all over the Long Island area were in that room at the time. People who base their lives on Star Trek and view Mr. Sulu as their own personal god. And here my friends and I sat, a couple of wise-asses having way too much fun with this whole scene.

To our credit, we actually managed to be good for most of the dissertation. At one point, George tells the crowd that he is in the process of writing his autobiography.

At that point, a pimply-faced kid holding a light-saber stood up and asked, “Could you tell us what the name of your book will be called?”

To which Mr. Takei responded: “I haven’t come up with a name for my book yet. What I am doing is looking over all the great pieces of memorabilia I have in my attic at my home. I dust off one of these pieces of memorabilia I have up there, then I write a story about it. I’ve been writing a whole chapter for every memento I find up there. And I have a BIG attic, so there will be a lot of stories. But I haven’t come up with a name for my autobiography yet.”

At this point, the 22 year old Me could no longer resist and yelled out, “Why don’t you call your book, “Big Attic, Small Penis”?

Well, my friends and I got a good laugh out of that one. At least until we looked up to find Mr. Sulu, as well as the army of Uber-Geeks around us, looking at me with faces aghast like I just flipped-off Queen Elizabeth.

Well, the faces on the crowd around us, as well as that of George Takei, got us laughing even harder. Cut to 2 minutes later when we got dragged out of the convention center by security.

Man that was a funny day.

Please note that this story has no real point, except to show how immature I can be, especially since, 15 years later now, I still think it’s funny as Hell.

Live Long and Prosper, George Takei.


Heff said...

Dude. I kinda wish you'd left that story in the archives, lol !

Janine / Being Brazen said...

great post!

mo.stoneskin said...


Do you think he noticed you glance over - did he know it was you that told them?!

Obi-Wan huh?

Slyde said...

heff: yeah, me too, actually

brazen: thx!

mo: probably not..

Verdant Earl said...

I was there, well...not in the bathroom, so I can testify that most of what Slyde wrote is exactly how it happened.

Except for the last part. We ran out of there before Security had a chance to throw us out. And I'm pretty sure we could have taken them if they tried.

2abes said...

always funny...do you have a habit of checking out weenies or just the rich and famous ones?

Dr Zibbs said...

The other great thing is getting full frontal pictures from reasders...

..oh - you don't get them?


Dr Zibbs said...

And no. It wasn't from Earl.

Slyde said...

earl: well, I could have.. you would have been tazzed, bro..

abes: nope... i check out every one i can..

zibbs: Beleive it or not, I HAVE gotten a few nudie pics from some readers.. not in a long while though... you guys need to fix that..

Unknown said...

I hope you never grow up! It makes for wonderful stories for us all to laugh. Immaturity is what keeps us sane, happy and healthy!

I can just see that as it played out!

Unknown said...

YOU stared at some girls nipples for 10 minutes? I am just shocked. I really am.

Slyde said...

dizz: i honestly dont plan on ever growing up..

bina: me too! it was totally out of character for me..

Mrs. Hall said...


ok, um, sure, looking at la penis de Sulu, fine, i'll give you that.

Heck, if I was in the stall next to Sulu or ANY celebrity, even a Z lister, I'd try to sneek a peek.

well, not if it was a girl, I'd try to sneek boobie looks for a girl, but no down there, cause that is distasteful.

ok what now? What was I saying?

oh yea

um, the joke. hmm. well, um, my o my slyde. my oh my.

It is important to recongize how immature it was, it is also to recognize that in terms of social judgement, you totally blew it.

It is also important to realize that this joke, it still tickles you. Because your inner fifteen year old still thrives.


I can say this, this story was so weird, and so true to yourself, therefore---

it is gold!


and ps, i would totally stare at your nipples for 10 minutes if I saw you :)

Heff said...

Wanna see his pecker AGAIN ?



Slyde said...

holly: i'd be insulted if you DIDN'T stare...

heff: you dont know how brave i was for finally deciding to follow that link..

Chris H said...

Nipples and penis's in the one post.. well done Slyde! You never fail to ..... interest me.

terri said...

From one immature person to another... I am FAR from 22 years old and I find that extremely funny!

Elise said...

I've only ever been to a science convention once before. And It wasn't as fun as your experience. The guy I was with got upset because I called Star Trek Star Wars by accident. Several times. He took me outside and told me I was a complete embarrassment. I actually felt like crying! xx

Real Live Lesbian said...

Ok, great post...but you get titty pics? Dammit. I never get any of the good stuff.

Tell me there will be some sharing!!!! ;)

Janine / Being Brazen said...

have a great easter weekend!

Slyde said...

chrish: thats what im here for !

terri: i thought you might... we're very alike.

elise: there is no crying allowed at a star trek convention. They are way too studly for that.

reallive: i cannot BELIEVE that with all your readers no one has sent you a booby pic yet.... i refuse to beleive that.

brazen: thanks miss! u 2!

Unknown said...

Slyde, I'm a big Star Trek fan - original series only. I thought your story was one of the funniest I've ever heard. It should be part of Trekkie conventions.

One time in about 1975, I was at the Bottom Line rock club. Alice Cooper was in the audience and he and I took a piss next to each other. I regret to say I was not as curious as you were with George. Too bad or I'd have a helluva story to tell too.

Slyde said...

mikeb: i'd say!... i bet alice coopers penis could tell some great stories...

Bruce Johnson said...

I can't help but think you stole this whole 'reprint / flashback' blog idea from my blog.....I want 'royalities!'.