Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Easter Bunny Is Evil

Hey you guys! Did you all have a fantabulous Easter? I hope so.

Mine was good. We got off to a bit of a rocky start though.

We always put together an Easter basket, filled with jellybeans, chocolates, and all sorts of sugary crap, and put it out on Easter morning so Mini-Me can wake up and find what the Easter Bunny left him.

We ALSO get a few dozen plastic Easter eggs, fill them with candy and some change, and hide them throughout the house. That Easter bunny sure is a busy rabbit!

Anyway, it was Saturday night, and I tip-toed downstairs to put the basket together, only to find that Friz decided it would be a swell idea to hide all of the Easter goodies in our mud room, ON TOP OF OUR DRYER!

Hey kids, ever wanted to know what a 2 foot chocolate rabbit looks like after it’s been sitting on a hot dryer for 3 days?

The box APPEARED to be empty. That is, until you peered down through the cellophane on the front to see a puddle of brown goo nestled snugly on the bottom. The rabbit’s two little sugar-dot eyes looked up from the middle of the puddle, accusingly.

To me, those eyes looked like they were telling me “Nice going, asshole! I look like a pile of shit with eyes….. Happy Easter!”

Being midnight, there was no way to get a replacement, so I figured a melted bunny was better than NO bunny, and stuffed it in the basket.

I was so pissed that I went to bed forgetting to hide the eggs.

So, bright and early Sunday Morning, my son wakes me up take him downstairs to see what the Easter bunny left him.

I can’t really describe his face when we saw that the Easter bunny apparently took a dump in his basket. It wasn’t disappointment. It was just…. confusion.

Anyway, he put down the basket, and began to run around the house. It took me a minute to remember what the Hell he was looking for.

That’s when I realized that I forgot to hide the damn eggs.

From the other room, I could hear him starting to get upset that he wasn’t finding any eggs. Being the quick-thinking genius that I am, I grabbed the bag of eggs and began running around the room throwing them anywhere I could reach.

When my son came back into the room, he immediately spied one of the eggs I had just hidden.

“Hey! I just looked here, and there was NO egg here a minute ago!”

I was pretty sure I was busted, and was about to just come clean, when he looked at me and said….

“Daddy! The Easter Bunny must STILL BE IN THE HOUSE!! Let’s go find him!”

He had such a look of joy on his little face, as he raced around the house thinking he was hot on the Easter bunny’s trail.

It filled my heart with joy as the fact that, even at 6 years old, he is still so innocent to believe that a magical bunny rabbit was hiding in our house, over even the POSSIBILITY that his dad might be pulling one over on him.

That pretty much made this one of the best Easter’s ever….

…even if the Easter Bunny WAS apparently revealed to be a tad lactose intolerant.

28 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

Did you know that every time a chocolate bunny melts to death a little chick dies?

Chick killers the lot of you.

But you are a quick-thinking genius to be sure.

2abes said...

outstanding...did you catch the bunny?

Real Live Lesbian said...

Yeah, yeah...inquiring minds want to know...

How DID that bunny escape your house without being caught?

Oh the lies you parents tell! ;)

Heff said...

LMAO !!! The "bunny shit" in the box cracked me up !

B.E. Earl said...

That melty Easter Bunny thing happened to Gia's mother this year as well. She bought one for her grandson and left it on her dining room table. In a room that has a wonderful southern view of the harbor. A couple of sunny days later she was left with bunny goo in a box. Just like yours.

Happy Easter indeed.

Faiqa said...

Whew. Thank goodness that ended well. I was getting a little stressed out there.

dmb5_libra said...

nice! its good to know he still believes...i figured out that santa wasn't real when i was seven.

Bina said...

A pile of bunny shit with two eyes. That is freaking funny. But I'm not sure which is funnier. The face your wife put the chocolate on the dryer, or that it melted.

Your son is so cute!!! I LOVE that!!!!

Chris H said...

well done on the quick thinking Dude.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

don't you have a 24 hour walgreens or other type of drug store out there?

just a tip there.

and seriously dude!! nice save :)

glad you had a happy easter

:)

eclecticdeb said...

I have a similiar story with my son when he was around 5. We were at my mother's home for Christmas. She had put out all the "Santa" stuff under the tree in the family room (which just happens to be next to the guest bedroom).

Well, in the wee hours of the morning, he needed to get up and go to the bathroom. So off we stumbled, past the very well decorated tree and presents. Fortunately he did not see anything.

Coming BACK to the room was another story. He stopped short and said "Mom! Santa must have come while I was in the bathroom. I KNOW these things weren't here when I went!"

Too cute.

Bruce said...

You win the award for the most entertaining Easter story I have ever read......the melted bunny with eyes is absolutely hilarious.

dizzblnd said...

This would make a great episode of a sit-com I can't think of the name of right now! Sneaky bunnies are the best!

Michelle said...

Slyde saves the day!!!

WOO!!!

Happy Easter!

GeologyJoe said...

good story Slyde...and immortalized for even in blog-land.

terri said...

Only a man would still put the melted bunny in the Easter basket. I woman would pout (for days) and try to blame her husband and hold it over his head for years.

You did good. Your kid's got a great dad.

Meghan said...

Great save! And I have to say, awwwwwwwwwwww. Too cute.

Ali said...

Is NO ONE else crying because they're laughing so hard?!?!!?

Oh shit - I can't believe you put the melted, deformed bunny in his easter basket!

You kill me.

And your son is just amazingly cute :)

Tamara said...

Hehehehe... Only the Teflon-coated Slyde could save the day, along with his trusty although deformed sidekick bunny ;-)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

is there nothing worse than feeling like we have just f-ed up a sacred tradition of childhood for our children? It reminds me of the time I forgot to play the tooth fairy. I came up with a backward ass story about how she must have gotten scared off because I heard the dog barking in the middle of the night. He bought the story and I made sure the tooth fairy came the next night. Of course she left him a little more cash than she normally would have. Guilt money.

Kate said...

Funny! You'll have to share this story with your boy someday over an Easter dinner when you are all drinking wine and having a grand time....

i am the diva said...

i wasn't able to get over here yesterday, so Paige told me all about this post last night! i had to come over and check it out right away...

score one for dad-o! This will be such a great memory, and you're such a good poppa.

i can only imagine how excited he must have been to be chasing after the easter bunny...

Ookami Snow said...

I can't wait until 10 years later when he remembers this Easter while sitting around talking, and all of a sudden he goes:
"You! You forgot to hide the Easter eggs when I was 6! I thought the bunny was still in the house. And you went along with it!"

Shania said...

Ooooh, quick save, Daddi-o!

The Berg said...

Dude, you need to Air Horn a few people. Follow the link to my alter ego blog...

teeni said...

First of all, that Easter Bunny picture is going to give me nightmares. Yikes! Also, I love the fact that when a situation, like your egg one, arises with children it always seems best to let them direct the course of action - in your case, your son saved the day with his imagination and declaring that the Easter Bunny must still be in the house. They (the kids) always amaze me with the things their minds come up with.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

This had me laughing pretty hard.

Raechelle said...

Awww, what a sweet Daddy....(I was going to write that "little you" will PROBABLY appreciate it when he's older and finds out it was all a big lie to begin with that made absolutely no sense ...."bunny & supposed rising of Jesus".....but honestly-that was just such a super sweet DADDY thing-I didn't want to put it down!)
GO DADDY POWER!!! :-)
What a nice guy....too bad you don't like pumpkin and of course I'm already married-hehehe ;-)
cheers dear!