Thursday, April 30, 2009


I really have nothing much to talk about today, but I need to move that last post down the page a bit so its not smacking me in the face every time I come here, so I figured I’d recount a story from my not too distant past.

Keep in mind before you read this, I work as an I.T. professional, as do the rest of the people I work with. The point I’m trying to make before you read the story below is that EVERYONE I WORK WITH IS SUPPOSED TO BE COMPUTER LITERATE!

With that in mind, the following conversation took place on the phone between myself and one of my supposedly-computer-literate coworkers. The names have NOT been changed to protect ANYONE… Screw HER!

Me: Helen, I’m gonna need those files from you so we can run our extraction programs.

Helen: No problem. The files are out on the network.

Me: Great! Where?

Helen: Where what?

Me: WHERE on the network did you put the files so I can grab them?

Helen: Oh, sorry. I put them in the TEMP directory.

Me: Are you sure? I don’t see a TEMP directory on any of the network drives.

Helen: Well, its right there. I’m looking at it right now.

Me: Well, what is the full directory path?

Helen: You lost me.

Me: I mean, tell me the drive letter and full directory path where the file is. You know, like F:\\inventory or something.

Helen: Oh ok, 1 sec……….. OK, the file is on C:\temp.

Me: Ok, but where is it on the network?

Helen: I just told you… C:\temp.

Me: Helen, the C drive is your local drive, NOT a network drive.

Helen: You lost me again.

Me: Are you kidding me? Helen, files on your C Drive are just sitting on your own computer, right there in your cubicle. You need to move the files to the network so I can grab them.

Helen: No I don’t. You should be able to see them.

Me: Helen, I CAN’T see your C: Drive.

Helen: Sure you can…. I see it here on MY computer.

Me: Are you fucking with me?

Helen: No, I’m not fucking with you. What’s your problem?

Me: My problem is that someone who works with computers all day should KNOW THAT I CAN’T MAGICALLY SEE FILES THAT YOU HAVE ON YOUR C DRIVE!!!

Helen: I don’t see why not.

Me: You don’t see why not? That AMAZES me! Do you also use the CD drive as a cup holder?

Helen: You’re an asshole.

Me: Yes, I guess I am. And you’re a genius.

And thus ended my friendship with Helen.

This might have been a much sadder story if I had wanted to SLEEP with Helen, but she honestly wasn’t THAT attractive, so in the end I guess this had a happy ending after all.

p.s. If Helen had looked like the girl in the photo above, I would have happily agreed that the files WERE right there on the network, and thanked her handily for all her help, to boot! I would have sung Helen a damn sonnet about how great those files looked. Yes, indeedy.


mo.stoneskin said...

I don't get it.

Anyway buddy, I've got some hilarious photos from last weekend if you wanna see them. They're in c:\temp.

[seriously though, funny funny stuff, I'm a code monkey and I have worked with some real gimpgrandchildren in the past]

SK Waller said...

God damn. Tell me why she's getting paid while there are good I.T. people out of work?

Unknown said...

Oh my freaking God!!! Really? She is that big of dumb-ass and she works in IT?? Isn't that illegal or something, kinda like me being a doctor when I know NOTHING medical???

AND, if it were me, I would have told you that you had to come to my cubicle to do it yourself, but you would have had to sit in my lap, because I only had one chair. I would then help you with that drive.

AlleyCat Runs said...

Did she photo copy her monitor to prove it to you???

vixen kitten said...

I think you did a pretty damn fine job of keeping your composure!


Greta said...

I wonder what else that crazy gal has saved on her C drive. Probably some disturbing images of ways she's going to mutilate you.

Verdant Earl said...

If she looked like the girl in the photo and you were that interested in her you would be hauled away as a peddy and a dirty old man.

Ya dirty old man, ya.

Chris H said...

Sounds like she is an IDIOT!
And do you want to bonk every woman you come across or what? I thought you had a partner ... or do you just DREAM about bonking every woman you come across????

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm too busy here listening to your Snapvine recorder messages.

Faiqa said...

The girl in the photo is 15 at the most. Shame on you.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

You should have asked her if she could see YOUR C: drive on HER computer. Then again, she seems so dumb, she probably thinks her C: drive and your C: drive are the same thing.

i am the diva said...

i love the label for this post... the post itself was funny, but then i got to the end and saw the label and laughed out loud... not just LOL but for reals...

Verdant Earl said...

@Faiqa - I see I'm not the only one who thinks the girl in that photo is too young.

Sass said...

So...Slyde, you have a thing for 14 year old girls, do ya?


Michelle said...

Poor Helen!!

And the girl in the photo is no more than 13 years old!!

terri said...

There have to be stupid people in the workplace. They give us something to complain about and help us appreciate all the other things and people we wouldn't otherwise appreciate.


Unknown said...

It's a C drive . See drive. As in she can see your drive. Get it?

Poor dumb Helen.

Unknown said...

People like her amaze me. I try to train people over the phone to use our system.. I expect idiocy like this

2abes said...

you must work with some really stupid people. boy it must be a real fun place to work, laughs all day. i bet helen is the vp of it isn't she?

Elise said...

Wow! I don't know what to say about that. Helen needs to find another job. Seriously that's a firable offense. It's right up there with: "My computer isn't working." "Did you switch it on?" "No. Oh, maybe that's it." xx

Mrs. Hall said...

OHHHH!!! I get it now!!

Mr. Hall has set up a computer network at the House of Hall and he has certain 'irectories' like F and G and separate other ones for the um, movies/photos, and these F/G/v1/v2 are portable, in that he carries them to whatever computer I am at so the kids can watch their movies.


Hee hee hee, I am sure he has tried to explain this to me many times as I say, "where is the nemo movie again?" and he says "The movies are in the "F" drive babe . . "

Cuz said...

what a dumb @ss....sounds like alot of people i know! LOL

Ali said...

So...if Helen was 16 you would have been accepting then?


Seriously though, I'm averaging about a D- in computers, and even I know what you meant.

Dear Helen, You are dumb.

Heff said...

I know A LOT of "Helens".

Mrs. Hall said...

Seriously, it is all coming to me now, what Mr. Hall does for a living, he is a computer networking engineer, meaning he sets up the networks, but for businesses and such, not the rinky dinky stuff he did for our House of Hall. OMG SLYDE!!! seriously, i can't wait to tell Mr. Hall, after 9 years of marriage, that I finnally figured out his job. !!!! ha haaa!!!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh that Helen's as sharp as a tack! A real asset to your company, no doubt.

Callie said...

Sounds like some of the people I've worked with.

Scratch that - sounds like MOST of the people I've worked with.

And my mom. *sigh*

latindog said...

I have a friend who works for a software company answering questions about the software that his company designs. The people asking the questions are not supposed to be your average cubicle worker but the IT people of the companies using the software. He gets several calls a day where the person on the other end of the line conducts the conversation in a barely audible whisper so that no one else in his/her office can hear that their IT guy doesn't know shit about computers. My friend likes to torment them by asking them to speak up whenever they say something completely clueless.

sybil law said...

That is just fucking funny. Period.
Thanks for the laugh today!!!!

Minka said...

Oh dear! I don't work in a company like yours, but even I know that C is the hard drive on my PC.


But would you really agree that you could see the files if she was attractive? Really? :D

Caz said...

WOW that is special. EVEN MY MOM KNOWS THAT!!!!

Ookami Snow said...

Bad news: Today I have to help the QA Dept. test the installer for our upcoming software release.

Be prepared for blogs of the people in that department to be filled with stories like this when I have no idea that the VM Server needs to connect to the database through the OLE manager... or some gibberish like that.

Susan Higgins said...

Thank you for making me laugh out loud. I totally know this type!

Bruce Johnson said...

The accronym 'LOL' is often over used on the net, cut I have to state for the record that his actually did make me Laugh Out Loud.

Now, mind you, Helen could have been super intelligent if she knew how to map her C-drive as a network drive so that she could share her files directly from her hard drive, but for some reason I don't think that was the case.

The more likely scenerio is that she is the ex-girlfriend of someone in HR or she was doing favors for the boss after hours (wink, wink) to get / keep her job. I have seen both instances with our IT department in the past.