Friday, April 24, 2009

The Clock Isnt Moving

Because I am SUPER bored at work today, I figured if I wrote a blog post, it would kill some time.

Ok, how much time have I killed so far?

Shit! That was only like 15 seconds…. I’ve still got about 4 hours to go before I can get my sexy ass home. I guess I’ll have to write some more.

OK, here’s something I was thinking about today:

Brand Name Assimilation.

Actually, I just made that name up. I’m not sure what you really call it, but that name sounds as good as any. I’m good at coming up with Bullshit names for things that make them sound all official. I do it all day at work in the memo’s I write. Sometimes I think that if I don’t use the word “synergy” in at least 2 fucking memos a day, I’ll get fired. I’m afraid to test that theory.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah… brand name assimilation.

What does that mean? It’s the name I came up with to explain when a particular consumer product becomes SO popular, that the brand name of the product becomes synonymous with the product itself.

Specifically, I was trying to come up with a list of all the products that I knew where a particular company’s brand name has replaced the actual name of the product in the general lexicon.

For instance, when I fall down and get a boo-boo and cry for my mommy, she runs over, kisses the ouchie and puts WHAT on my scraped knee?

A Bandaid. (At least here in the States it’s a bandaid… I’m not sure what you crazy people from far-off lands might call it. Probably something silly like a Walkabout or a Wanker).

But the thing is, it’s NOT a bandaid. Not really. My mommy put a “bandage” on my knee. “BandAid” is just the name of a BRAND of bandages, but they have become so popular and commonplace, that most people now call ALL Bandages, “Bandaids”.

So, I got to thinking, “Hey, this is killing valuable work time! What other products can I come up with that have reached this seeming pinnacle of brand name recognition?”

Here’s My list:

Scotch Tape

Then I drew a blank and figured I’d see if you guys could come up with any more.

So, how about it?

I TOLD you I was bored today.

P.S. I see that I’ve only gotten 1 message so far on my spiffy new voice recorder.

In a private email, someone was concerned how much it cost to leave a message.

In case anyone was concerned, it’s a normal domestic long distance local call, and if your cell phone company is like mine, there is no charge for domestic long distance calls.

When you click to record, they will give you a number based on where you are calling from, and they currently have numbers that cater to Australia, Brazil, Canada, France, Germany, Ireland, Italy, Japan, Mexico, Netherlands, New Zealand, Spain, Sweden, UK, and the USA, so you should all be good and covered. There is also apparently a way to leave a message by just microphone, but I haven’t been able to figure that out yet. As soon as I do, I’ll add it.

See how I take care of you people?


Mrs. Hall said...

HEY!! I just sent you my theory about lost, because I have figured out the secret to the island. go take a looksy!

have a good weekend and seriously, this is what you think about in your down time?

well alright then :)

hee hee

Marie said...

Oooh, I got one.

Elmers Glue

Real Live Lesbian said...


You know, I thought about leaving you a message...but you'd just make fun of my podunk accent! ;)

Verdant Earl said...

Bubble Wrap
Dumpster (actually a brand)
Jet Ski
Scotch tape

and a bunch more.

It's called a Genericized Trademark. But I like your Borg name for it.

"Your brand name will be assimilated. Resistance is futile!"

mo.stoneskin said...

A wonderful synergy of boredom and creativity...

Unknown said...

dammit earl.. you took a lot of mine! Sigh

I can't think of anything now

James said...

In England a bandaid is called a PLASTER or STICKING PLASTER. A popular brand name is ELASTOPLAST.

badgerdaddy said...

You missed put what for me is the biggest one - Hoover. Or don't they have them in the US? Do Mexican immigrants suck up your lint?

I had to go and ask for plasters in Vegas once, and I walked out of the shop certain that I was in the dumbest place on earth. "Do you have any plasters?"
"Any what?"
"You know, sticking plasters. That you put on something that hurts."
My Awmerican colleague jumped in then and said "Band Aids?"
"Oh yeah, right over there."

It got worse when I went to reception and asked if there was any chance of getting hold of a kettle for my stay.
"Ke-dull? A what?"
"A kettle."
"You know, one of those things I'm sure you use for boiling water on a small scale. Like for hot drinks. Kettle?"
"Oh, I see. No, we don't have any of those."

The language barrier from UK to US is surprisingly high, but it really seems worse when we go over there...

Michelle said...

I got nothing!!


terri said...

Earl took all the good ones. Not that I could've come up with any of those on my own anyway.

Oh wait...


Faiqa said...


Candy's daily Dandy said...

I was gonna sa Jello but Earlsie beat me to it...

I dunno Windex? instead of clean the windows with glass cleaner clean the windows with Windex.

Chris H said...

Over here they are called Sticky plasters... plasters...
I might ring and leave you a message... one day!

debi_in_Hawaii said...

Those GM bastards! Can I cry on your shoulder?

Ashly Star said...

Well fuck. Earl already mentioned the only four I had been able to come up with. That's what happens when you get here last.

2abes said...

friggin Earl has way to much time on his hands....i'll only add PC

Susan Higgins said...

I didn't see anyone mention Kotex pads, also known as "marshmallows."

Ookami Snow said...


Also, you use the word synergy?

Anonymous said...


Bruce Johnson said...

Windex sort of comes to mind....who the hell says glass cleaner anymore?

Tamara said...

Hehehe... So what do Americans call kettles?

In South Africa, we don't have a lot of those brands. So Q-tips are earbuds and Bandaids are plasters and Scotch Tape is sellotape or sticky tape...

But, we do have a few "assimilated" brands of our own...
Handy Andy is used to describe any general multi-purpose cleaning product. I'm guessing you'll laugh at that one, Andy ;-)
We call any plastic container a Tupperware (yes, I'm aware that it's not a South African product, buy it's become "assimilated" here).
Any bubblegum can be called Chappies and any ceylon tea can be Five Roses.

Jadey said...

Thanks for popping by my blog.

Rollerblades came to mind for me - (In line skates)
They are called Bandaids here in Australia too - I hadn't even put together that it was a brand name
Coke - who calls it cola?

I love your line here though :)

The Math Ninja said...