Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Swiper, No Swiping!



Ah, how many of us parents have had that saying drilled into their brainpans every day?

For those of you who get to watch only ‘adult’ television, the title of this post is a saying that’s uttered every episode of the children’s television show “Dora The Explorer”.

Certainly even you childless heathens know who Dora is, right?

She’s that rambunctious little bi-lingual minx who scampers around the jungle following her map to sickingly silly destinations.

Have you heard about the big brou-ha-ha that is going on concerning this little Latina?

Apparently, Nickelodeon (The channel that carries Dora) feels that the kids of the past 5 years that have been watching the show are now growing up and losing interest. For what its worth, my son doesn’t watch it any more, thank God.

So, with the fear of falling ratings, they decided to ‘mature’ her up a little this year.

In a fit of promotional genius, they decided to just tease people with a silhouette of the “new” Dora.



And damn did people get pissed!

Many moms, after seeing the silhouette, said that they “sexed” up what USED to be an innocent little girl. They said that she now looked “curvy” and had “sexy, shapely legs”.

Honestly, I think people made a big deal out of nothing. I mean, I’ve been staring at that image for 2 hours now and for the life of me I can’t get an erection. Maybe I’ll keep trying.

Anyway, Nickelodeon was TOTALLY unprepared for the shit-storm that only some people with too much free time can create, so they were forced yesterday to ‘unveil’ the new Dora ahead of schedule, saying that the silhouette is being taken completely out of context.

Here is the new Dora:



I think I’m still gonna need her to grow up a few more years before I can even think about getting turned on by her.

Oh well, back to Betty Rubble for me…….


p.s. I can’t think about Dora without remembering Saturday Night Live’s spoof of the show that they did about 2 years ago. Still gives me a laugh.. enjoy!

27 comments:

Chris H said...

Barr ... I did a comment and it was Poof... gone!
Anyway... I have had to listen to Griffin say "Swiper, no swiping" a million times! It drove me nuts.
AS for The new Dora doll... there is nothing wrong with it!
Hell look at Barbie and the Brat Dolls, they are too bloody 'sexy' for little girls!
And... have you tried staring at a Barbie doll lately? I mean, if that rings your bells ....

dizzblnd said...

I can't beleive people went that nuts over a freaking shadow without seeing the character.. They just WANT something to bitch about


That spoof was funny
Damn.. I thought Barney was bad.
I'm glad I don't have to endure dora I'd probably shoot myself

Holly Hall said...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!




someday, I say someday I will get back the braincells that swiper and his compatriots word girl, barney, cyberchase, and barney took from me as I watch this stuff with my kids.

as for spongebob though, he adds to my brain power.

ug. ok. i feel better now :)

take care

mrs. hall

mo.stoneskin said...

Hilarious. Not ever really have watched N I thought I'd leave with a line from an old Cartoon Network classic, 2 Stupid Dogs.

"Well ain't that cute. But it's WRRRRONG!"

Steph said...

Never heard the saying and I've never heard of Dora, but I can't see anything wrong with the new one. She's fully covered, her nipples aren't pierced (from what I can tell, she doesn't even have boobs), and she doesn't look like a slut, just a nice pre-adolescent little girl.

Maybe the closet pedophiles just don't want her to grow up.

Sheesh. Like there's not more important things to get worked up about.

Dr Zibbs said...

No Wiggles there.

FourLeafClover said...

No Dora in my house - and I have a 3 year old and a 2 year old! Just can't watch children's shows where THE CHARACTERS ALL TALK LIKE THIS ALL OF THE TIME.

Tamara said...

Some people have too much time. Nothing wrong with this little girl. There's far worse out there.

2abes said...

Dora came along a little to late in my home, so I never really saw it. Are the Rug Rats and Sponge Bob going to get a make over too!

Sass said...

My son couldn't say "S" very well when he was little. I ran around the house copying him...

"Wiper, no Wiping!!!"

MichelleJ said...

I think Dora is aDorable!!!

HAPPY THURSDAY!!!

Slyde said...

chris h: i agree...barbi is much sexier!

dizz: you probably WOULD (but its better than barney)

mrs hall: agreed. spongebob is the only show that i can sit and watch with my son and not hate it...

mo: i dont think i know that one.. ill have to look into it..

steph: i hadnt considered her nipples might be pierced... now im turned on all over again..

Slyde said...

zibbs: agreed!

4leaf: you are a lucky girl, then...

tamara: i couldnt agree more..

abes: rugrats are long gone.. get with the times, man!

sass: now THATS funny!

michele: she IS adorable.. and annoying as hell...

Bruce said...

I have heard the name, but I have never actually seen this little munchkin on television. After haveing looked her over, I have not desire to see the new or the old versions.

honeywine said...

Lucky me, I'm just now starting to learn WAY TOO MUCH about these kids shows. Chowder scares the crap out of me! Paladin's oldest showed me a sequence in it where one of the characters does nothing but flash rude gestures. Thankfully, this means one less kids show I'm forced to watch. I'll stick to Drake & Josh and ICarly.

Slyde said...

bruce: i would hope not.. you arent exactly the target audience :)

honey: god, i'd take dora anyday over icarly.. i cant stand that shit!

Being Brazen said...

Dora got a makeover - i wish people were not so crazy. She isnt skanky looking at all.

even cartoon characters are allowed to grow up...

Heff said...

I saw nothing sexy about her, unless you're into chicks with REALLY big heads....

Bina said...

Some people are so fucking retarted it makes me want to stick a pick-axe in their mush brains.

No, I wouldn't really do that, I don't think.

But I think she's cute! And my God, yes, I can't even tell you how many times I have heard the "No Swipping".

B.E. Earl said...

What the hell is going on with Google Reader? This post didn't show up in my feed reader until just now. Friday night at 11:30.

Ali said...

Zibbs - Bwahahahahaha!

To tell you the truth, it's about time Dora got that bowl-cut taken care of.

Elise said...

What's the big deal?? Dora doesn't look any different to any other 7 year old girl (apart from the fact that she's 2D).

I think the new Dora looks great! Nephew used to watch Dora... It'll be so cute to see them grow up togther!

xx

Meghan said...

The only difference I see is that she is accesorizing better and has the cutest flats ever.

Real Live Lesbian said...

Perhaps if she wore a bikini with heels? lol


The drama crowd always has to get up in arms about SOMETHING!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh for crying out loud, don't people have better things to do than complain about this?

artfulkisser said...

The voice of dissent - I think Dora should forever stay a 5 year old with overgrown hands and feet and pot belly with limited colours and flat, lifeless shading that appeals to 3-8 year olds. Maybe that's just cos I want my 3 year old to forever be 3 years old. Strike me dead...

teeni said...

I don't know why everyone thinks their characters have to stay with a certain generation. Kids grow out of things and even if the characters grow they may feel like they are being too babyish to watch it anymore. Why can't Dora just attract a younger audience like the other cartoons do? Sheesh.