
I really do.
Well, maybe not ALL people. Just MOST people.
Case in point……. I almost bludgeoned to death one of my neighbors yesterday.
I live in a nice, middle class neighborhood. I paid a lot of money for my house. As such, I like to take care of it. While I’m far from a fanatic, I do like to keep my house looking nicely maintained, and respectable.
I live on a corner property, so I basically have a lawn on both the left side, as well as the front of my home.
The problem is, about 4 blocks down my street is a major road that has, among other things, a high school, and a 7-11.
That is a LETHAL combination, for anyone who’s house lies anywhere in the path of these little miscreant’s school, and their homes. Just about every day I’m picking up Slurpee cups, beer bottles, and empty packs of cigarettes, thrown all over the side lawn of my house.
It pisses me off, but I can deal with this. I really can. They’re just dopey kids, after all.
But what takes my already short Sicilian temper and puts it through the stratosphere is when I walk on the side of my lawn and see dog shit.
Seriously, you fuckers! If you are so damn lazy that you can’t be bothered to pick up after your dog, you
shouldn't own one. But what gets me is this: These people
AREN'T lazy. If they were lazy, they would just let their dog shit on their OWN lawn…
But no….. They put on their jackets, leash their pooch up, and take the trouble to walk them to MY fucking lawn, because they don’t want to mess up their own lawn with doggy poo.
For months now, I keep finding little surprises on my lawn, and I never was able to catch the fuckers responsible…
Until yesterday.
I was driving home from work, and what do I spy with my little eye, but some guy (a big
doofy looking mother-fucker… he kind of looked like Fred
Flintsone), standing on the side lawn of my house, with one of those little rat dogs on a leash. As I drove past, Fred gave me a nice neighborly smile while I spotted little Fido squatting down on my lawn.
I fucking saw red.
I jammed on my breaks, rolled the window down, and went OFF on this guy.
When I asked him what the fuck he was doing with his dog on my lawn, the only thing he was able to stammer out was “He’s just peeing!”
First: He was NOT just fucking peeing!
Second: I don’t care if he WAS just peeing, or shitting, or doing my fucking taxes, I DON’T WANT IT ON MY LAWN!
After the guy’s initial shock, he started to talk back to me, which completely pushed me over the edge. I started to get out of my car to make him EAT the
dog shit, and maybe his little rat-dog for dessert.
That’s when I saw
Friz, sticking her head out the kitchen window, giving me one of her “please for the love of God just let it go” imploring look on her face.
When she gives me that face, it can usually make me check myself for a second. And in that second while I was debating whether to give this guy a poo-poo facial, he mumbled a half-hearted apology and started to walk off.
So, for at least once in my life, I was able to check my temper, and let Fred run back to Wilma.
I haven’t seen him since, so I maybe he was smarter than he looked, because if I ever see him again I’m gonna go all “
Yabba Dabba Do” all over his ass…….