Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Slyde’s Pet Peeve # 5 – House Address Signs

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared with you fine people something that royally ticks me off. This one REALLY gets my goat!

You all know what house address signs are, don’t you? Sure you do. They’re those little numbers that “normal” people hang somewhere outside their home, that lets the world know that their house is in fact # “123” on Maple Street, or “1313” on Mockingbird Lane, or “6969” GoScrewYourself Avenue, or whatever.

Some people put them on their mailbox. Some people put them over their front door. Some people decide, for whatever reason, they don’t want to put them up at all.

But for the love of all things Holy, if you are giving me the directions to your home, could you please do me a fucking favor and GIVE ME A HEADS UP IF YOUR HOME ISNT MARKED WITH A NUMBER??

Even worse offenders DO HAVE a number outside their house, but it’s so fucking small that you can’t see it, or it’s completely hidden by an overgrown shrub, or one of the numbers fell off, or whatever.

If I have to cruise down a strange street one more time, driving 2 miles an hour, peering out the window like a pedophile, squinting while trying to find your house, then guess what? I’M NOT COMING OVER!

Seriously people! Is it so hard to mention that you don’t have a number outside your house? Maybe you can give me another landmark like “it’s the first blue house on your right”, or “I have a red Buick in the driveway” or “I’M THE HOUSE WITHOUT A FUCKING NUMBER!”

I cant tell you how many times I’ve tried to find someone’s house where I’m going, “Ok, that house on the corner is 1124, and the house I’m going to is 1160, so let me crawl down this block while I practice my odds/evens like a pre-schooler until I can find the right house!”

Even better yet, last month I went to someone’s house, and not only did she NOT have a house number outside her home, but she neglected to tell me that, for some reason, the town that she lives in decided it would be a hoot to make adjacent house numbers on her street to go up by FOUR, not TWO! Yeah, that was fun. It took about 20 minutes before I figured THAT gem out. In that time, I had Forrest Gumped my way to about 15 homes, ringing everyone’s doorbell while scratching my head going, “This CAN’T be this fucking hard, can it?”

So please people, either put up your address number where I can see it, or at least give me a heads up before I run over your cat. Twice.

27 comments:

Michelle said...

Oh yeah!!! I am totally with you on this one dude!!!

I once tried to find a doctor, i had the address right in front of my written down and i am sitting in my car scratching my ass wondering where it is...

Turns out, it was a NO NUMBER house. And they tell me well the doctors name was written on the door!!! So i am supposed to search doors???

WTF???

Be careful running over animals though!!! The owners may not like that too much!!!

HAPPY HUMP DAY!!!!

I.AM.FIRST

~The South Dakota Cowgirl~ said...

Awesomeness! That was hilarious. But Oh. So. True.

Marie said...

I bet if had to deliver pizzas then you would be in prison right now.

Holly Hall said...

Yes, I agree with this one.

Although, I still think the titles to these posts should be titled "Pet peas", on account of how much you do not like the wee peas.

:)

Mrs. Hall out!

dizzblnd said...

I know how you feel. I went to someones house , I googled the address..actually spoke to the person who failed to mention there were 4 vacant lots around hers, that she lived in BFE, that her husband recently replaced the mailbox but didn't put the numbers up AND was set back off the road about 1/4 mile. I went back the next day with a package of leftover numbers from my mailbox stickers. I made her meet me at the mailbox.. That was the first and only time I met her


Thanks for spreaking out against the idots!

Shania said...

I have my house number on the fence by the road AND on the house.

Then I shut the gates so no one can get to me even after they find me. Cause I'm rude like that.

terri said...

My house number is stamped in the asphalt driveway. I'm pretty sure you can find me if you're ever in the neighborhood.

But yeah... it's a horrible feeling when you realize you're gonna have to start knocking on doors and asking if you have the right place.

Chris H said...

Ah ya grumpy bugger! My number is 3, it's in bright red on me letterbox. OK? And there is NOTHING in front of it. Now ya just have to come visit to see.

AlleyCat said...

Leave my bloody cat alone!!!

Couldn't agree more. Driving down streets day or night to provide service to someone is just so delightful when there are no numbers, or the house is on a corner & the street number is in the side street & they don't bother to tell you that, or even that they are on the bloody corner in the first place. Or leave a light on for you.

I could tell you about the best marked house I've seen. The other half used a toilet pan as his letter box with a nice big number on it many moons ago. When you lifted the seat to pop in the mail, he'd painted "thanks postie" on the inside of the lid. Then neighbours complained & he had to take it down. As one of the neighbours who didn't mind it said to one of the complainers - "it could have been worse, he could have been a gyneacologist"

B.E. Earl said...

"peering out the window like a pedophile"

Yeah...that sounds like you. Or peering out the window from across the street at a Red Lobster because you are afraid to go into a swinger's club. Yeah...that sounds like you too.

Being Brazen said...

In California they put the house number on the road outside house(painted on curb). It helps for people who dont want to put a number on their house.

Here in South Africa most people have the number on their outside wall.

Tamara said...

We lived in a house many years ago in Durban (on the coast of South Africa). Our number was 27, but every time we put the bronze numbers up on the wall they'd get stolen. So my dad made these huge numbers out of steel and mounted them with heavy-duty bolts. Each number was about as big as me.

Nobody ever had trouble finding our house after that. And nobody stole our numbers again.

mr zig said...

hehe... I feel your rage! - Back in my younger days I was a pizza delivery guy, and yeah - some people, who did not have a number got messed up pizza!

Cuz said...

I totally agree with you. Very aggravating trying to find a freakin house with no house number. AKKKK

Paige Stanton said...

There's a couple houses on my street that have the house number displayed two and three different places. That drives me nuts, it just looks junky, but I guess at least you could find their house...

2abes said...

Were is the Wiz?

Meghan said...

Even worse is the people that don't list their apt # when there are somethinhg like 87 units in the one building and you look like some sort of creepshow trying to buzz everyone.

teeni said...

That really IS annoying. They need to tell you these things because it's so hard to look for numbers and drive at the same time. And it's not fair what you would do to their cats. ;)

Heff said...

Lol ! Been there, done that. What I hate is getting directions like, "I'm the first house on the left after you see a rock on the ground."

Those are always good directions.

Bruce said...

Different part of the country....different kind of 'stupid'.

Here in the southwest where everything is "NEW", they deceided that for the fire departments to be able to respond quickly to the fire in your garage from your overcooked meth lab, all houses needed to have their numbers painted on the curb so social services (i.e. Police / Fire / Child Welfare) can find your house. Only problem is, most folks park their stupid cars infront of the numbers because there garages are too full of shit.

Faiqa said...

I forgot what I was going to say after reading BE's comment. Laughing too hard to remember.

Bella@That damn expat said...

I was in one small town, trying to find a number, and wherever I drove the street address was the same! Up the hill, left, right, other part of town ... the same damn address!
And the numbers went in no particular order.

Ali said...

Forrest Gumped your way? Ahahahahaha! I am so going to start using that :)

And holy hell, I feel your pain. What makes it worse for me is when I forget my glasses, and maybe they do have a number, but it's about 2 inches tall and their house is located 100 feet back from the road. That's always a real treat.

In general people tell me their house number and I say "Yeah, you're going to have to do better than that - have I mentioned I can't read?"

They usually give me a moment of silence but then give me some pretty sweet directions.

honeywine said...

I like to include those quaint, descriptive how-to-find-my-house directions. My favorite is turn left at the banjo picker with the pet alligator.

GeologyJoe said...

I always just tell people...5th driveway on the left.

elizabeth said...

Amen Slyde. Tell the people.

Bina said...

Ya, it should be mandatory, BY LAW to have your numbers somewhere visible, otherwise maybe they could withhold mail, which, by the way, how DO the mail people find these houses?