Monday, February 02, 2009

Pee Poop!

I really wanted to put up a banner picture for this one, but when I entered "pee poop" into google, believe me, you guys sure as Hell didn't want to see what images came up.

Anyway, want to hear about the great weekend I had?

Mini-Me has been suffering from a bit of an inner ear infection, so the doctor put him on an anti-biotic. It's been knocking out the infection just fine, but the medicine has been leaving him with a bit of an upset stomach.

Anyway, Friz had a girls night out, so I was home alone taking care of the little tyke.

Everything was going swimmingly until, while I was in the other room getting his pajamas, he called out to me, "Daddy, I pee'd!"

Now, he's gotten to the point in his little life where such an occurrence normally doesn't warrant this kind of announcement. He's pretty much been handling this kind of thing by himself for awhile now...

So, still busy in the other room, I called back, "So? just remember to wash your hands before you come out of the bathroom!"

I wasn't quite ready for the answer I got back...

"But daddy...... I pee pooped"

At that point, I had NO idea what in the world a "pee poop" could possibly be, but any parent worth their salt can tell you that any sentence your child utters that has "poop" in it should bring you running right fucking quick.

And run I did.....

I found him standing there in his pajamas, looking scared.

"Ok, what are you taking about? Whats a pee poop?"

"Well, I was watching TV when it felt like I had to go to the bathroom, but then pee came out."

"Huh? So you went pee-pee in your pants? Is that it?"

"No daddy, pee-pee came out of my butt!"

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is about the best explanation that a 6 year old can hope to come up with in an attempt to tell you that he just made diarrhea in his pants.

Now, I don't want you to think that I'm squeamish when it comes to taking care of Mini-Me. On the contrary, I've been quite hands on with him during these formative years. I've handled the gambit.... messy diapers, runny noses, projectile vomiting, the works....

But nothing thus far could have prepared me for the grisly scene I discovered that night inside his PJ's. It was like a war zone in there. I think I can finally appreciate what our men who survived Pearl Harbor felt like afterwards. I may need YEARS of therapy, which sucks because, quite honestly, I already could have used a few years of therapy BEFORE the great "Pee Poop Invasion of 2009".

I'll do more for you all than fate did for ME this weekend, and spare you all the gory details....

Suffice to say that there was Pee. And Poop. EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!

I've never cursed my wife so much, just for not being home........

33 comments:

Chris said...

Wow, it's like my life every second day at my job....

Baby/child poo is so much easier to deal with than adults.

Our version of "pee poo" here in Canada is known as the "shiss", where you shit piss.

Faiqa said...

Awww. Poor thing. I think he articulated the situation pretty well, considering how uncomfortable he must have been. (I'm so happy for your wife, too.)

Shania said...

You poor thing. I usually just toss the whole kid, clothes and all into the shower. On the positive side, at least it didn't happen in bed!

Meghan said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

AlleyCat said...

Poor Mini-me!!! Hope his little squirty bum is much better now. I have a friend who would have just thrown the pj's in the bin after extracting the child. I'm with Shania - at least you didn't have it in the bed!

Being Brazen said...

thats very very EWWWWW....

Poor kid

Chris H said...

That would have made me throw up! I may have raised (shit still am) 8 kids... but poop of the liquid kind gets me every time! Stew has to sort that out...

Tamara said...

I think the Afrikaans expression for diarrhoea is the most graphic... "Spuitpoep", which literally translates as spray poop.

dizzblnd said...

Poor baby. He is spot on with his description though. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I hope he gets to feeling better very soon

2abes said...

poor kid, i hope he's not scarred for life...now i'm not usually a conspiracy theory type, but what the chances that you pissed off Friz and she set you up that night. "shiss"...gotta love the those Canadiens. How about "shard"...

Paige Stanton said...

Aw, hope he's feeling better!

i am the diva said...

nothing to say but 'daaaang' i feel for ya buddy

i am the diva said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Slyde said...

chris: that story reminds you of your job? yuck!

faiqa: happy for my wife? what about pity for me?

shania: ug... i dont even want to THINK about it happening in bed..

meghan: thats what i said.


alley: im lazy, but even I couldnt have just thrown them in the bin..

Slyde said...

chrish: see, i would have thought with your big clan this would be old hat to you.

tamara: spray poop makes me almost want to vomit..

dizz: thx :)

abes: i think the correct term is "shart"

paige: thanks you maam :)

diva: don't worry... i'll be sympathizing with YOU about the same thing in a few years..

Ookami Snow said...

Mental note: when I have kids don't allow them on carpet.

livesbythewoods said...

If people ever ask me why I didn't have children, I will point them at this story in future.

Dr Zibbs said...

Pee Poop. Good one.

Michelle said...

Dude this made me giggle in the most inappropriate way. I seem to giggle at anything poop related.

BUT this, this is major poopage! I love this story.

I don't blame you for being grossed out. It must have stunk!!!

EWWWWWWWWW but go mini-me!!!

Is he feeling better????

HAPPY TUESDAY!!!!

Holly Hall said...

Oh poor mini-me. This is upsetting!

Well, I can tell you that the pee/poop is most likely r/t to the anti-biotic (most of them cause diarrhea/upset tummy) and maybe he had a tummy virus on top of things.

But, like all fluids projectile-ing themselves from the body-it serves the purpose of ejecting the virus/bacterial infection. Also, like most things in life, this too shall pass.

And this is key to parenting-despite being in the middle of world war two-body fluid wise, it is so important to act like nothing is wrong, that this pee poop is just part of being sick, and Daddy is there to help with it all, to give loves and hugs and help with the clean up. (ok enough nurse talk!!-I'm sure you were awesome cleaning up!!)

I can say though, I was NEVER more proud of my daughter the day she managed to puke into a bucket.

Then, after that, she made it into toilet.

So proud, (I am wiping the tears), so proud, so proud.

Beth said...

awww...poor little guy. those antibiotics are hell on the system...but it IS kinda funny...sorry! ;)

Slyde said...

ookami: actually, you're ok as long as its not shag.

lives: thats probably a good rule of thumb.

zibs: :)

michele: i have to admit, poop stories can make me giggle too (as long as its OTHER peoples poop stories)

holly: youre spot on. he definitly had a small virus. but of course you already knew that, you ms nightengale, you...

beth: im not sensing pity from you, am i? :)

Biscuit said...

Oh man, I was grimacing in empathy for you...until I got to "grisly scene" and then I laughed out loud. Sorry. *LOL*

Heff said...

Do as Heff did in a similar situation years ago. Introduce your child to the garden hose out in the back yard, and leave them alone together for awhile. I know it's cold outside...I digress.

Slyde said...

biscuit: so, your laughing at me then? :)

heff: yeah, if it wasnt for the fact that it was snowing out, thats exactly where he would have been.

Ali said...

Aaaagh!!! I wrote a comment, then stupid blogger said it was running some duplicate action, and then I had to wait, and then all of a sudden it said it was done and my comment was gone! Son of a...

Anyways, essentially I said that I feel sorry for the baby boy, but I giggled that you had to deal with liquid poo :)

Oh, and that I can't wait till Chris has to deal with that with his own kid - mwahahahaha!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh Slyde, that was priceless!! HAHAHAHAHA! Pee-poop! I love it!
Poor baby.

Wasn't Brad Pitt just on Oprah saying, "we become impervious to pee and poop."

I also want to know where it is written that your wife would have to be the one cleaning up the mess if there were two able-bodied parents at home??? Huh, huh???

Caz said...

ooooooooooooooooh no. I am sooooo not ready for this!!

Anonymous said...

I called that "Yucky Poo-Poo's". Something my son could understand.

True Story: My (then) 1-year old son was on antibotics and got the dreaded "yucky poo-poo's". I was frequently lazy and just changed his diaper plopped on the floor. Well, the little shit (pun intended), managed to hop up and start running away.

Of course, he started "yucky poo-pooing". I had little poo foot prints all over the carpet.

Good Times. Good Times.

teeni said...

LOL. Well, it's a story you can embarrass him with later in life. Just print out this post for safe-keeping. ;)

Bruce said...

Once again you have reaffirmed my decision not to have children.....thank you.

GeologyJoe said...

oh gawd...now all I can think about is...when is thing going to happen at my house? :S

Bina said...

Oh, that poor little guy. But I kinda know how he feels. When I take antibiotics, I pee-poop a LOT, but thankfully, in the toilet! LOL

TMI, huh?