Friday, October 31, 2008

Boo!

I am not working today. I'm home continuing my quest to be the perfect dad. My son is having a Halloween parade at his school today, so I took the day off so I can be there.

Side Note: If that red-headed buffalo/housewife who kept getting in the way of my pictures LAST year gets in my face again today, I just may skin her alive.

Anyway, since as I said I am not at work today, this will unfortunately not be a long post. Kinda funny how that works, huh?

I owe some people some Meme's. I have not forgotten.

I figured, it being Halloween and all, that I'd at least show you some Halloween-y stuff.

Heh. I just said weeny. Heh.

Anyway, what to show first?

If you've been coming here for years (and really, why wouldn't you?), then you already know that I make a big deal out of carving pumpkins. I have been doing it since i was a kid. I have no idea why, but I enjoy it.

Since the wee one has come along, my pumpkin carving ritual boils down to me asking him what he wants me to carve this year, then him coming up with whatever he thinks of, and then me sketching out a dozen or so variations on paper till he sees the one that tickles his fancy.

This year, he said "I don't want a pumpkin with a spooky face this year... I want a spider on my pumpkin!"

So, after much work (and an achy carving hand), a spider he got....








We really went all out this year with the decorations. In retrospect i should have taken a picture of the whole house, but this is my son standing in front of his favorite attraction. The ghost is on a motion sensor, so it will start wailing and reaching out to grab someone as they walk past. We also have a huge tarantula hanging over the front door that drops on people as they knock, and then slowly crawls back up its rope. It's seriously scaring the shit out of people. Good times.




Finally, here is my son in his costume. He is a "Cool Ghoul". His only criteria this year was that he wanted to look "Evil" (I wonder where he gets that from?). Anyway, apparently a 5 year old looking like a ghoul wasn't evil enough, because he then told me that he needed a weapon. The thing he's holding is called a "Shredder". It's basically 2 Machetes attached to 1 handle. And because apparently 2 bloody swords might not be evil enough for a pre-schooler, the kindly manufactures attached a Buzz-Saw, of all things, between them. And hey moms, its detachable! Fun Fun!



Ok, that's about it for now. I am being pressured to actually paint myself to look like a zombie for tonight. If i have a few stiff ones in me (that's drinks, not penises), i just might do it.

Of course, pictures of such events would be shared by all.

Happy (and safe) Halloween, everybody......

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Bits and Bobs

I haven’t done a bullet post in a while. That’s probably because every single event in my life is usually so earth-shakingly momentous that it really deserves its own post. But today, I’ll condense things.

-As we speak, we are in the middle of a surprise layoff here at my office. Said layoff, in a word, sucks balls. So far, I’ve heard of two friends who have gotten the axe. I just helped one of them pack up their office. I keep looking at the phone waiting for it to ring to see who else is gone. Did I mention this sucks?

-My wife thinks I’m not doing my son any favors when I take him out with me for ice cream and come back with him sporting this:


Maybe it’s just me, but childhood innocence is just too damn short. If he wants to impress his friends by wearing the Jolly Roger on his arm for a few days before it peels off, then by God I’m gonna let him do it.

It also pleases me that I have seemed to have elevated myself to the title of “Super Cool Dad” to him, and all of his friends. Not just because of the tattoo… it’s all of the other stuff I do with him as well. Last week I volunteered to be one of the parents on his class trip to the local library, and by the end of the day the entire class was telling my son that they were “so lucky you have him as a dad!”

I know it won’t last. I know one day, when he’s a teenager he’ll come home one day and think I am the lamest person in the world, but until that day comes, if I can break some rules with him, make him laugh, and see the look of joy in his face as I do something with him that he knows he probably shouldn’t do, then fuck it all, we’re gonna do it.

-Yesterday would have been my grandfather’s 96th birthday. I miss him terribly. Next week he will have been gone for one month now, and I still have trouble believing he’s not here. If one more person says to me “at least he lived a long life”, I do believe I will fucking kill that person with a hatchet. I KNOW he was fortunate, and lived a good long life. I don’t care. I still want him back.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Man, That Chick Can Swing

I don't know if anyone has seen this yet, but damn if it doesn't crack me up every single time I watch it.

Watch below in astonishment as a viewer, while watching the now infamous Catie Couric/Sarah Palin interview, noticed that she was kinda 'sing-songing' her answers.

If she would have added in a little two-steppin', I think I might actually consider voting for her...

No I wouldn't.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Best. Meeting. Ever!!!


Over the course of my professional life, I have had to take part in A LOT of meetings.

Meetings seem to be the sustenance of managerial existence in corporate America. I’ve had to sit through good meetings, bad meetings, long meeting, short meetings….

…. But today I had the distinct honor of being a part of my weirdest meeting ever.

At 1pm my boss and I got summoned to a 1:30 conference call about some supposed “high profile” project we are a part of. When I asked him for details as to what the meeting was exactly about, he told me he knew nothing yet, except that we were asked to attend by phone.

So at 1:30, we dialed into the conference call, only to find that we had about 30 other people, from all over the country, on the line with us. The person who CALLED the meeting had not yet arrived. No one on the phone seemed to know exactly what the meeting was about.

Finally, the meeting organizer dialed in. Lets call her “Clueless” for the sake of my re-enactment.

Clueless: Hi Everyone. Ok, I just wanted to call a quick meeting to see where we all stood with the CPF project, and to make sure all the needed testing is almost done.

Me: (putting the phone on MUTE). Boss, what is the CPF project?

Boss: I have no fucking clue.

Clueless: Let’s just go person by person on the phone to make sure everyone’s piece is almost complete. Let’s start with Slyde. Slyde? How is it going?

Me: (getting REALLY nervous that I have no clue what im talking about) I’m sorry guys, but we just got called into this meeting 30 minutes ago, and we aren’t quite sure what the CPF project is about, as this is the first we are hearing of it.

Man on Phone #1: (muttering) Thank God!

Clueless: Excuse me? Who said that?

Man on Phone #1: I did. I’m sorry, it’s just that we were all sitting here in my office wondering what the CPF project was as well. This is the first WE are hearing about it also.

Woman on Phone #1: Ok then, it’s not just us. We were dialing in to see if someone could tell us what the CPF project is all about.

Clueless: Are you all serious? This project is slated to go live soon! We have a serious problem here. Could SOMEONE on the line please tell me where they are with the CPF initiative?

Silence ensues for 30 seconds…

Clueless: This is insane! Does anyone on this damn conference call know ANYTHING about the CPF project? Surely there must be SOMEONE working on it? Anyone?

Another 30 seconds of silence follows…

Clueless: NO ONE ON THIS CALL KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PROJECT? THIS IS SUPPOSED TO GO LIVE 11/1!!! NO ONE KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT THIS PROJECT? OR HAS DONE ANY WORK ON IT? I DON’T BELIEVE THIS!!!!!

Me: Clueless, it might help if you could explain to us all what this project IS, exactly.

Clueless: What?

Me: Well, no one here has heard about the CPF project, but maybe we all know it by a different name.

Clueless: Oh.

Me: Could you tell us what the project entails, and maybe we can all get to the bottom of this....

Man on Phone # 1: Yeah, that would be a big help.

Silence

Me: Hello?

Clueless: I’m sorry, everyone. I am going to have to get back to you all on this.

Me: Excuse me?

Clueless: I was tasked with just finding out about the status of this project. I haven’t actually been INVOLVED with it. At this time, I am unable to tell you all exactly what it’s about.

Me: Are you kidding me? This is YOUR meeting! You don’t know what the CPF project is, either?

Clueless: Yeah, I’m sorry about this, guys. I will find out exactly what the CPF project is all about, and get back to you all through email.

Man on Phone # 1: I don’t believe this.

Woman on Phone # 1: Me either.

Clueless: Again, sorry for the mix-up, all. Bye. (Clueless disconnects).

Me: So gang, what do you all want to talk about now?


This, my friends, is the company I work for.

Total time on conference call? 5 minutes.

Memories? Priceless.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Braaaaaaains!


In honor of Halloween (which happens to be my favorite holiday), the svelte and sultry Earl has been counting down his top 5 favorite horror movies, by genre, each day. He wisely left the “undead” genre for me, since he knows that I am a nut for it. Sure, I loves me some hot werewolf, vampire, and demon action, but for me, nothing shivers me timbers like a good zombie movie.

So, let’s get right down to my list of the top 5 zombie movies of all time:

5) Return of the Living Dead – This movie gets overlooked a lot because, at its heart, it’s a spoof of George Romero’s Dead movies, and that’s a shame. When this movie came out in 1986, a budding young high school senior named Slyde went to see it with his friends, and it simultaneously made me laugh my ass off while scaring the shit outta me. The acting is solid, the jokes are actually funny, and it’s extremely well-written for what it is.

4) Night of the Living Dead – The one that started it all. Say what you will about George Romero, but his fresh new take on the concept of the zombie blew away anyone who saw it back in the day, and now, 40 years later, it still stands the test of time. I think NotLD is beautifully undated, and while it was made years before the blood-and-gore scenes that became this genre’s trademark years later, it will still give you a solid case of the heebie-jeebies. Even the 1990 remake is creepy, although it falls apart a bit at the end.

3) 28 Days Later – Yeah, yeah, I know that the baddies in this movie aren’t technically ‘undead’, but I would still lump this movie in with the zombie crowd. 28 Days Later was a pleasant surprise for me when it first came out. It’s smart, scary, and does a great job in showing an updated take on the genre. Director Danny Boyle, who I sometimes love and sometimes hate, really hit it out of the park with this one.

2) Dawn of the Dead (2004) – I’m torn between this movie and 28 Days Later as my #2 pick, but since 28 Days isn’t even “technically” about zombies, I’ll give this movie the edge. When I first heard that young director Zack Snyder was redoing one of my favorite movies of all time, I was very skeptical. But damn, if ol’ Zack didn’t hit it out of the park with this one. Snyder’s retelling of the now-clich├ęd tale of a group of survivors hiding out in a shopping mall while trying to hold off an army of the undead was great fun to watch. I would LOVE to see Snyder make a viable sequel to this film, but now that he has hit it big in Hollywood with some big-budget blockbusters (300, Watchmen), that will probably never happen.

1) Dawn of the Dead (1978) – Not much surprise here, is it? One of the reasons I almost didn’t do this post was because I didn’t just want to just make a list containing nothing more than all of Romero’s “Living Dead” movies. Also, I’ve spoken a bunch of times here that I consider Romero’s sophomore Dead film as the scariest movie of all time. I have watched this movie at least 2 dozen times in my life, and I can guarantee you that if I pop it into my DVD player today, when I go to bed tonight I will have a seriously messed up freaky dream about it. It STILL gets to me.

Cutting this list down to 5 was damn hard. Here are some honorable mentions off the top of my head:

Resident Evil- SOOOOO Close to putting this on the list. In retrospect I should have combined the two Dawn of the Dead movies as 1 entry and added this one to the list. The sequels have sucked, but this one was done quite well (and made me lust after Mila Jovavich)

Shawn of the Dead – A total send-up spoof of every zombie movie ever made. Great fun!

28 Weeks Later – VERY inferior to the original, but the opening 10 minutes were so amazingly good (the only part that was directed by Boyle), that this movie almost made the list.

Evil Dead – Not really zombies, either. I honestly don’t know WHAT the Hell you’d call them, but when I first watched this at the tender age of 17 it scared the shit out of me.

Scary Edit: Kudos to Earl who just reminded me about Dead Alive. Way before Lord of the Rings ever saw the silver screen, Peter Jackson made a small Aussie Movie about a man, his mother, a housefull of zombies, and a monkey. Probably the hardest Earl and I have ever laughed in the theatre.

So do yourself a favor and check any one of these out this Halloween. Just remember to sleep with the lights on.

Monday, October 20, 2008

The Rap on Palin

Well, this weekend Saturday Night Live finally aired its much-hyped episode that was supposed to have a cameo appearance by Republican Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

And appear she did.

Tina Fey once again portrayed Palin in what was easily the worst of these type of skits to date. I just didn’t find it funny at all. And Palin herself just basically walked out at the end to say “Live from New York, its Saturday Night!”

If you are like 99 percent of the country, you tuned in to watch the opening, then shut off the TV and promptly went to bed.

Which would have been a shame. Don’t get me wrong, the episode displayed its usual level of suckiness, and host James Brolin really didn’t bring too much “funny” to the table, but halfway through the show, during the weekend update, Palin once again surprisingly returned, and we were finally given something that made me chuckle.

I know that there was no way she could have done that rap herself, but how much damn funnier would it have been if she had?

Check it out and let me know what you think:



p.s. As expected, it is getting a massive amount of hits this morning, so be patient with the loading.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Would You Like Me To Give You Something To Suck On?

And with THAT I shoot down another saying I never thought I would ever write (except maybe in one of my letters to “Jugs” magazine, but THAT’S a blog entry for another day…)

Do ya’ll remember the dirty nurse who hit on me back in the summer when I was going for physical therapy for my sprained back? Of course, you do. I know that you all are so glued to my every word that most of you transcribe each one of my entries by hand so you can read them all back at night and memorize them.

If you don’t remember, then by all means catch up. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Anyway, it turns out that my doctor recently informed me that I needed to go to therapy again, this time for my ankle, since it hasn’t completely recovered yet from when I jumped off the roof. Gee, when I say it like that it kind of makes me sound like an idiot. Then again, I guess there isn’t really any other way to say it.

So, it was with a feeling of mild trepidation that I once again scheduled an appointment with the office of Dr. Feelgood.

Based on the title on this post, I guess you can infer that she didn’t disappoint.

As soon as I got there, I was led into a workout room. No sooner did I turn around when in she walked and asked me the title of this post.

As I said the first time I wrote about this, it’s not often that I get flustered around the ladies, but this chick apparently knows EXACTLY what to say to make me stare at her with my mouth open and eloquently reply, “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?”

After she let me suffer for what seemed like an eternity, she replied “For your throat. I heard you coughing when you came in. I have some cough drops in my office.”

I thought I was being crafty, and decided to test her on it. I told her that I’d LOVE a cough drop, thank you very much! I figured she wouldn’t expect me to take her up on it, and she’d have to fess up that she’s just hot for me.

But wouldn’t you know that the crafty little minx left the room, only to return a minute later brandishing 1 cough drop.

I pictured her scrambling around her office in a state of panic, opening desk drawers looking for some forgotten cough drop hidden somewhere…..

Or maybe, crafty little deviant that she is, she earlier in the day saw my name in her appointment book, and procured a bag of said cough drops just to give herself a back-up contingency plan.

In any event, I am scheduled to be going back for physical therapy for the rest of October, so if she keeps this up I am either going to have to find another therapist, or just do her already.

Touche, therapist….. well played. Well played, indeed.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Say “Hi” To Your Mother For Me

About the only thing that DIDN’T completely suck about the last week of my life was that my company gave me a full week off.

I spent most of that time dealing with family stuff, of course, but there was still a lot of “down time”, where I really had nothing of note to do.

So, to take my mind off things, I decided to watch movies. A LOT of movies. I’m honestly sitting here trying to remember all the ones that I watched, and I can’t even remember them all. I think that’s because many of them I watched through a “I can’t believe this has happened” daze, but it might also be because a few of them downright sucked. See if you can guess which ones didn’t cut the mustard….

I watched American Gangster, The Manchurian Candidate, Iron Man, Night of the Demons, Night of the Demons 2, Night of the Demons III, Motel Hell, Doomsday.

I then capped off the week with a movie that at the start of the summer I had mentioned that I really wanted to seeThe Happening.

I usually love M. Night. Shamalamadingdong’s work, and I usually like Mark Wahlburg so I figured this would be a slam dunk.

Then the movie opened, and people were saying it was the worst movie of the summer. The reviews were absolutely scathing.

Now that I’ve finally seen it, I have to say that It was NOT a great movie, but I didn’t mind it as much as most others did. Maybe it’s because I just love watching “end of the world” type movies, but I really thought that there was a good movie in there somewhere.

But Wahlburg’s performance? Oh my God… it was horrendous. I mean historically bad. I mean that one day college kids will make up a drinking game where they will take a drink every time Mark Wahlburg displays a bout of shitty acting. Such a shame.

But watching The Happening got me to think about last week’s Saturday Night Live, which FINALLY put forth a decent episode with host Anne Hathaway.

Earl has already talked about what was easily the best skit of the night, but I honestly found myself laughing harder at the one below, which pokes fun at the aforementioned Marky Mark. Andy Samburg continues to be the best part of the new SNL, and his impression of Wahlburg is so dead-on its scary.

Enjoy!




Unfunny Update: This video above is acting all wonky. It works for some browsers but not for others. If its not working for you, then try THIS. See how i aim to please?

Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Prodigal Son Returns

Well, what can I say?

I've come back down to earth enough to check in, only to be floored by all the well wishes that you guys had sent my way in the past week.

Seriously guys, I just read through them all, and I can honestly say that all the kindness is greatly appreciated, and will not be quickly forgotten.

Also, thanks to everyone who likewise emailed me some cyber-kindness. I was surprised by how many I received. Each one was beautiful in it's sentiment. I thank you all.

It's been a hard week, to be sure.

The hardest thing about it all is just trying to get my subconscious wrapped around the fact that he's not here anymore. I know it all sounds very "cliche", but I just don't feel like he's gone. The oddest thing about the past week was that, throughout it all, I kept thinking to myself, "Man, I can't wait to hear what he's going to think about all this!". Even still, its the first thing that pops into my head when something interesting happens. I guess it's normal, and i guess it will likewise pass as time goes on.

Anyway, I have also just signed on to my Google Reader and have seen that i am behind on reading approximately 14 Gazillion posts. That's not a completely accurate number, but all I know for sure is, whatever the number is, I sure as shit can't count that high. Needless to say, I cannot read them all. For that, I apologize.

And that, I guess, is that. I am going to try my damnedest to get this blog back to its regularly scheduled programming of talking about how hot I am, and dick jokes. It may take me a bit to get back into the swing of things, but I'm fairly confident that I am still immature enough to step up to the task.

Again guys, thanks. If you were all here right now, i'd give each and every one of you the wettest and sloppiest of kisses.

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Tony Capozzi (Oct 28, 1912 - Oct 4, 2008)


I lost my absolute best friend in the world this morning.

I dont talk about my grandfather too much on these pages. If you've been around here for any length of time, you've no doubt heard me make mention of him, but for the most part, I've kept my relationship with him to myself.

Why? I honestly don't know. I can tell you that it was a consious decision on my part to not write about him much. I guess, in the recesses of my mind, with his health failing rapidly in the past 2 years, I felt that if I spoke about him and his worsening condition, I would somehow jinx him and shorten his time left with me. Don't mention the devil and he won't knock on your door... that kind of thing.

I should have spoken about him more.

I lived with my grandfather until I was 28 years old, before I decided to strike it out in an apartment on my own. It was a hard decision since he and I were always so close. Since that time, I have spent virtually every free Saturday I have had, with him. Most times we would just go out to eat, or I'd take him for a haircut, or sometimes, we'd just go and sit by the ocean watching the boats roll by. It was important for him to be able to get out a bit, since when his health started to fail he could no longer do these things by himself. And it was important for me, as well. I needed to stay close to him.

My grandfather lived through the Great Depression, so I could always excuse him for being the cheapest man alive. But as stingy as he was with his money, he was always the one to take me by the hand and drive me to 20 different toy stores until I found whatever piece of crap toy he saw that I wanted. He wouldn't spend a red cent on himself, but he never failed to do whatever he could to put a smile on my face.

My grandfather was a bull of a man. During the War he was working in a factory that made army boots, and his hand got caught in the gears of one of the machines. It mangled 4 of the fingers of his left hand beyond repair, and all his life I never heard him complain once about his handicap. Once, during the 60's, he was hit by a speeding car while he was walking across a street in Brookyln. He landed 20 feet away, and refused medical treatment, opting instead to just walk home while insisting to the crowd that he was just fine. Before he had his pace maker put in 2 years ago, he hadn't set foot in a hospital in over 40 years.

The past 2 months have been pretty bad for him. He had been in and out of the hospital since late July. My mother and I have been at his bedside pretty much every night since he was admitted.

He was clearly failing. One day (one of his bad ones) he looked at me, and in an uncharacterisitcally depressed tone asked me, "Why am I still here? Everyone I know is gone. Why is God doing this to me?". All I had to do was to show him a picture of his Great Grandson. He looked at me and said, "Right. Ok. I got to know my great grandson. That IS something."

And he DID bounce back, at least a little. Two weeks ago, defying every doctor who saw him, he improved enough for us to take him home.

If I was the apple of my Grandfather's eye, my SON was the whole bushel. Here's my grandfather holding my 1 month old son:


Last Sunday, as he and I sat around watching TV, I once again rummaged through his apartment looking for an old picture of him that I had seen once when I was a boy, and have been trying to find for the past 6 months or so. I remember seeing it when I was young, and marvelling at how young and proud my grandfather and grandmother had looked in the picture.

20 minutes before I left him for what was to be the last time I ever would see him, I FINALLY found the picture:


I'm very thankful that I was finally able to find this picture, and that on our last day together, we sat comfortably side by side and spent hours looking through old photos of friends and family long gone that my grandfather is as of today beginning his journey to meet again.

I just read this over, and I feel like just scrapping the whole damn thing. These words simply do not do my grandfather justice. He was everything to me, and everything that I am, or will ever aspire to be, I owe to him.

I think I need to take a break from writing for a bit. I need to assess and come to grips with everything that's happened today, and what life without him will be like. Besides, any of my lame attempts at jokes or silly stories would just seem hollow to my ears right now. Please forgive me if I likewise don't visit too many of your awesome blogs for a bit. I promise I'll come back to you all as soon as I'm able.

I love you Grandpa.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Fat Batman

No, I am NOT going to talk anymore about last night’s Vice Presidential debate.

It’s pretty much all been said. If I hear Sarah Palin try to convince us that we can buy comprehensive health care for our families for $5000 a year, or call herself a “Maverick” one more time, I am going to quite possibly explode. For the record, I think Biden won the debate handily.

But as I said, I’m not here to talk about the debate.

I’m here to speak on something much more troublesome.

I’m talking, of course, about Fat Batman.

At least that’s MY name for him.

Maybe I should back up a bit…..

My office, like many across the planet, indulges in the pastime of “Casual Friday”. For those of you unfamiliar with the term (like Earl and OTHER people who don’t work), on casual Fridays, employees are permitted to wear casual clothes to work. Jeans, T-shirts and sneakers are the norm on Fridays in many offices.

Casual Fridays are nice because, even though I have to suffer through one more day at work before I get to enjoy the weekend, I can at least be comfortable in my casual attire while I stare at the clock and wait for it to hit 5:00.

What could POSSIBLY annoy me on such a relaxed day, you might ask?

We have a gentleman who works in our office who has got to be in his 50’s. He’s about 6’2 and must weigh in at about 350 pounds. During the work week, he dresses in what would be considered standard business attire. He’s a little slovenly, but other than that, he seems normal enough. I’ve never actually spoken to him, but he works close enough to me that I see him daily in the office.

What drives me batty is that, when casual Friday rolls around, the man decides to regress into a 6 year old. Every Friday, he comes to work in some kind of superhero outfit. A big Batman shirt, Superman, the Flash, etc. He always caps off his ensemble wearing a big belt with a Superman “S” logo. The buckle is HUGE! It spans the length of his impressive gut. It looks like he’s the intercontinental champ of the Superfriends!

Every Friday, I cringe when I see this 50 year old ass-hat wear his Underoos to work. I just don’t understand why someone would make themselves look so pathetic on purpose, week after week.
He might as well just hold up a sign that reads “I haven’t ever gotten laid… but I hear its fun!”.

I too am a comic book geek, and I will BE one until the day I croak. But this guy is SO feeding into the nerdy, comic book stereotype that it’s giving the rest of us a bad rep.

Whenever I see him, I feel like I’m in The Invasion Of the Body Snatchers, and he is revealing to everyone that he hasn’t been converted into a Pod Person yet. I want to shake him and yell “Stop it! Just conform already and they won’t notice that we walk among them!”

Ok, maybe I’m overreacting a bit, but he just strolled by me to use a nearby fax machine, resplendent in his Green Arrow garb, and I am experiencing the violent urge to shove a hunk of Kyrptonite up his ass……

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Lipstick On A Pig

I don’t get political here often.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever had a serious political discussion on these pages. Religion either, for that matter.

I try to keep this blog light and fluffy (like my underwear). People always seem to get bent out of shape when these topics arise in mixed company, and what starts out as an innocent discussion inevitably turns into viciousness and hard feelings, so I try to avoid it whenever possible. I certainly don’t want that here. I’m usually fine with keeping my political and religious beliefs to myself, thank you very much.

But when I thought of what I could write about today, this is what came to my mind:

I am hoping beyond hope that in tomorrow night’s Vice Presidential debate, Joe Biden DESTROYS the laughable Sarah Palin, and shows her off to the country as the unqualified joke she is.

Like many people, I don’t think I have ever been so interested in the political machine as I have been for the past few months. We have made such great strides in this country in the past year, and we should be proud. We have a serious, African American candidate for the presidency, and we almost had a female candidate. A decade ago, that would have been unheard of. We should be proud.

And then John McCain had to go and fuck it all up by bringing in an unqualified, ultra-conservative hockey mom as a running mate.

Seriously, the woman makes me cringe every time I see her on TV.

From her first imbecilic interview with Charley Gibson where she had no idea what the Bush Doctrine was, to watching her painfully trying to explain to Katie Couric how living close to Russia makes her versed in foreign relations, I want to throw my shoe at the TV every time I see her.

Now, you may very well believe that John McCain is the man we need in the White House come January, or (like me) you may be ready for a change, but how in God’s name can ANYONE seriously put that woman one heart attack away from the presidency?

Tomorrow night, I want to see Joe Biden completely dismantle every statement that she tries to spew forth. I want to see him completely invalidate and disprove every word that she utters.

In short, I want to see Joe Biden make Sarah Palin cry, and go running off the stage.

Immature? Maybe.

Sexist? Not, not really. It realy has NOTHING do with her being a woman.

I just want to see something come out of tomorrow’s debate that finally puts this national farce to rest.

I’m probably putting too much hope into tomorrow’s outcome. I’m sure that the next day, every paper in the country will report “Public split over winner of debate”, or similar such blurbs.

But I can hope, cant I?