That’s right. On Tuesday, September 2nd 2008, Yours Truly will finally turn the big 4-0.
And it scares the living shit out of me.
If you’ve been reading here for any amount of time, you WILL already KNOW this.
I KNOW it’s just a number. I KNOW you are only as old as you feel. I KNOW that I am in better shape than people half my age. I KNOW that I just keep getting better and better looking with each passing day.
I KNOW all that jazz. But I still don’t want to be 40.
I don’t know at what point in my life I developed this insane fear of aging, but I know that I’ve had it for as long as I can remember.
As I approached 21, I remember thinking that this was ABSOLUTELY the last birthday that I ever wanted to celebrate. I remember telling people that I hoped my 30th would never come.
In the end, I actually think I handled turning 30 better than I thought I would. The fear and anxiety of no longer being in my 20’s was finally washed away with the reality that “it was just another day”.
And who knows, maybe I’ll feel the same way come Tuesday morning.
But for now, I can’t even bring myself to think about it.
I’ve tried over the years to take a good look into my past, and try to trace back where and when this fear of getting old first descended upon me. It COULD stem from the fact that, at a very young age, I took care of my bedridden grandmother on her deathbed. It COULD be that I am such an immature big kid at heart that I find it difficult for my mind to get around the fact that my body betrays my true age, even though I don’t feel that old inside. It COULD be the fact that, because my birthday each year inevitably fell the day before the new school year started, that I looked upon my birthday each year with fear and anxiety.
Or, I COULD just be crazy.
At any rate, I think I need to do something wild this weekend, to help get my mind past this hurdle.
Some things that I have been thinking about:
2-Buying something ridiculously expensive that I TOTALLY don’t need.
3-Getting another tattoo. (p.s. one day I’ll have to show ya’ll the one I have now)
4-Participating in my first hardcore orgy
Anybody have any other ideas?
In the end, I might just kill 3 birds with one stone and get my tattoo while participating in a skydiving orgy, but it might be hard to pull that together on such short notice.
Anyway, while the rest of the U.S.A. parties through their Labor Day this weekend, I will most likely be hiding under my covers, trying to make my birthday go away.
The next time I post, I will be in another age bracket. Brrrrrrrrrr….
Have a great Labor Day, everybody…..