Thursday, January 31, 2008

Super-Secret Lost Season Premier!

Since SLYDESBLOG is the most popular, most visited, most awesome-ist site on the web, ABC has bestowed upon me the Mega-cool honor of letting me see the first episode of the new season of Lost, the bestestest show on TV!

And I got to watch it a whole day before the rest of you sorry "normal" folks!
Pretty cool, huh?

Ok, never let it be said that I don't give back to my loyal flock. Behold!


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Youtube Tuesday

Yeah, I know, it's Wednesday. So sue me...

It's gotta be Tuesday still SOMEWHERE in the world, doesn't it?

Besides, Youtube Wednesday just sounds like shit, doesn't it?

Anyway, in an effort for me to get more posts up, while doing less work (a lofty goal, that), I am going to try to post one of my more favorite Youtube finds here each and every Tuesday for your viewing pleasure.

And I thought I'd start with the next installment of one of my favorite web series of late, Retarded Policeman, Episode 2!

And keep in mind, Ponce, the actor in this show, is quiet aware of what he is doing. He's an actor/comedian with Down's Syndrome, and this show is HIS idea.... so don't be a hater, k?


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Next Pele

Because I don’t want my son to turn out like me, with zero interest/ability in sports and almost “THE ONE”-like ability in all manner of videogames/geekstuffs, this month I signed my little one up for soccer class.

It’s an indoor league, that runs for 8 weeks.

I knew I was in for trouble when I originally asked him about it and he told me:

“No thanks, daddy… we can just play Soccer on the Wii”.

Clearly he wasn’t getting the point here.

So, being the good father I am, I of course had no alternative but to trick him to come with me down to the indoor complex last Saturday.

Which worked out really fucking good, let me tell ya. I basically had all eyes on me for the entire hour like I was the world’s worst parent, while my son wrapped himself around me for dear life, screaming at the top of his lungs, “I JUST WANT TO PLAY WII SOCCER! TAKE ME HOME NOW!”.

After he calmed down, I explained to him that I just wanted him to try it once. If he tried it, and didn’t like it, he didn’t have to play it ever again.

That seemed to make sense to him, and he agreed. But as luck would have it, by the time we came to this “d├ętente”, the hour was over.

So, it was with MUCH skepticism that we once again traveled to the soccer complex this past Saturday morning.

But after a little shaky start, wouldn’t you know my little mini-me started running around like a pro.

We even found out that he loves being a goalie. Granted, we found out when he threw a temper tantrum and refused to leave the goalie position, even after a new kid had been assigned there. Then some other kids heard the commotion and decided that there must be something to this goalie thing if so many people want to do it.

At one point we had SEVEN kids in there as goalie, all fighting for the ball. My son basically started a riot….

But I have to admit, it did my heart good to see him out there enjoying himself, and getting the slightest bit of physical workout that my parents never seemed to think I needed…..



Sunday, January 27, 2008

New Friends

I have been very lax in the updating of my links lately, to which I really have no excuse for.

Anyway, as of this post, consider me “unlaxed”.

Some super sites and new cyberfriends await you in my updated links page. Check out Cognitive Malfunction, Elise, and TK Kerouac (this is the link to her “uncut” site. You’ve gotta ask real nice, and learn the super-sexy-secret handshake, to get invited to her private one).

Anyway, go check em all out. Much fun awaits you.

On another note, I just took a look at all my links, and realized that they all seem to fall into one of the following 3 categories….

-Dudes from Britain
-Smokin’ Hot Chicks (mostly from Canada)
-Earl

I realize that the above list has no value and serves no purpose to you (or to me, really). I just get my jollies singling Earl out…

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Cloverfield Is Cool

So, I woke up bright and bushy-tailed Sunday morning, and took my lonely self to go see Cloverfield.

Yes, I went by myself. As I've said here before, that's how I see MOST of my flicks. I used to go with Earl a lot (still do, from time to time), but now he's all domesticated and shit. And my wife hasn't come to a movie with me since we saw the fucking "Stepford Wives" for God Sakes!

So basically, if a movie comes out that I want to see, I just go see it. No biggie.

Anyway, I have been eagerly awaiting Cloverfield since the summer, and it didn't disappoint.

Not only did the movie rock, but I know believe that J.J. Abrahms is officially second only to Jesus. Between this movie and Lost, I think I love the man. Not that I'm into guys or anything, but if I HAAAAAD to be with a guy, like if someone put a gun to my head or something..... I'm just sayin'.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Cloverfield.

Make no mistake, Shakespear it's not... but damn if I wasn't entertained. The hand-held camera aspect of it was VERY well done. But then again, I thought the Blair Witch was a good, creepy film, and that flick made most people who saw it just throw up, so maybe I'm not the best of judges.

And about the monster, that people have been speculating about for months? The one most people have been saying is a giant octopus, or this guy (which was supposedly leaked from the studio)....


It doesn't look anything like that, and it isn't a fucking lame-ass octopus either. So neener neener!

Anyway, Cloverfield gets Slydesblog's Official 2 Thumbs Up.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Bandidas


Just a few things to say, super-efficient "Bullet" style....

- I have finally ended my long dry spell of not posting anything new up on MovieGrenade, and leaving my esteemed colleagues to pick up the slack. 2 points if you can guess what movie I reviewed. Head on over and check it out.

- Yeah, I know. I haven't made any of the changes I said I was going to do... yet. Didn't I tell you people I was lazy?

- I am contemplating, at least semi-regularly, to start posting video blogs, instead of always doing them in written form. I'd probably post them up on Youtube to save space for myself, and just link to them here. I'm still not sure if you fine women could handle my hunky goodness in live-action, but I might just be vain enough to take that chance...

- To the dozen or so random lurkers who stop by here every week and email me with:
"Hey, Slyde! I love the site, but I wanted to let you know that I'm not going to post anything because I HATE registering my email address in the forums. Can't you just let ANYONE post without haveing to register?".

To which I always say, "Fuck no!".

You lurkers are killing me! I NEED to keep the email verification active, else my forums become a vast wasteland of spam, selling Home Mortgage loans, Viagra, and Donkey Porn. Seriously.

As an experiment, I took verification off on Monday, and before Tuesday was up, we had about 1 dozen posts on the boards selling industrial-sized dildos (at good prices, too! I bought 5! Free shipping! Woot!).

Anyway, that was all the test I needed. For now, the email verification stays. Don't be a wuss, and sign up already. I promise I won't send you any Gay Midget Porn once I have your email address (unless you ask real nice).

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

My Nightly Assassin

The lovely and talented LIZ and the ugly and talent-less EARL have recently been recanting how, when they were young, they used to believe they had monsters under their bed. I figured I may as well tell ya'll about my nightly visitor.

You might think, what with my fascination of horror movies and all things creepy, that I too would have had a furry beastie under my bed each night.

But nope, for some twisted reason, my boogie-man was exactly that:

A man.

I used to imagine that a young man, a hired assassin, would come to my bedroom window every few days, and try to kill me. He would only come every few days, because, much like Santa Claus, he had alot of people on his "kill" list, so he could only visit me every few days between his other attempted kills (ok, maybe that wasn't too much like Santa after all).

Anyway...

Looking back on it, it was really quite bizarre. Whenever he DID come, he would sit on my windowsill, and point a gun at me. He would then give me 10 seconds to get my little feet and hands all tucked and snug under my blankets. His rule for killing anyone was, he could ONLY shoot people in the feet or hands, so as long as I was under the blankets, I was safe.

He was a really nice guy though. He didn't WANT to kill me, he was just doing his job. So, while he sat on the sill, waiting for me to slip up and poke an extremity from under the blanket, we would chat about any number of things, like school, my mom and dad, my pets... you name it.

Looking back, I can honestly say that my secret assassin was the closest thing I had as a child to an imaginary friend.

But you have to remember, I was like 6 or 7 when I used to imagine this guy.
6 years old! How fucked up is that?

Anyway, even though I used to scare myself into a near frenzy whenever I played this "game" at night, I ended up permitting this no-named killer to visit me regularly, probably until I was 10 or so.

And when I became too old to play those kinds of "kids" games at bedtime, I remember kind of missing the guy a bit.

I have no witty ending to this story (do I ever?). I just think I was a pretty fucked up kid.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

New Year's Letdown

Longtime readers will remember that I usually try to revamp the site in some small way at the start of each year. Whether it be a completely new look, or something as small as just a new font for the mast heading, I try to spruce things up a bit each year.

And I’ll do that this year as well, hopefully sometime next week. The reasons I have not done that yet are two-fold.

1) I have been battling a truly brutal cold for the past 2 weeks, which started on Christmas Day. It left me pretty much not wanting to do much of anything except carefully place Twizzlers in sleeping people crotches (see my new years post), but as of yesterday, I FINALLY seem to be turning the corner and getting better.

2) I’m lazy.

Now, don’t hold me to which of the 2 above reasons has more to do with me not getting around to upgrading the site yet, but I’ll give you a hint…. It’s not (1).

Anyway, New Years is upon us. I always get very melancholy after New Years, and I think it has something to do with the rapid change in attitude everyone had between Christmas and New Years. I have always found it quite odd.

In the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas, with each passing day, people get more and more into the loving, caring, giving “Christmas spirit”. People will literally spend nights at home, staring at their Christmas tree, listening to “Silent Night Holy Night” and other such songs of the season, over and over, sipping Egg Nog, trying to FORCE the Christmas Spirit upon them. People will literally do ANYTHING to get them into the joyful, holiday mood.

Then, like a big wave that crashes on the shore, Christmas is over in a flash, and people IMMEDIATELY drop that loving attitude and thrust themselves right into what I call “New Years Mode”.

“OUT” are the Christmas carols, the eggnog, the spirit of giving….

“IN” is the mad rush to find the best party to get shitfaced at on New Years Eve, and then spend the next day semi-comatose as people try to sober up.

New Years Mode usually starts at around 9am on December 26th.

I am not saying that I am above such behavior. On the contrary, I get as caught up in it as anyone.

I just find it hysterically ludicrous that the very “idea” of Christmas is so quickly lost upon us all each year.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

New Year's Evil

Happy New Year's my hommies!

Hope everyone has recovered nicely from their year end's festivities.

For me, I have been put down harshly with the flu, which attacked me savagely starting on Christmas morning, and has not let up since. So for me, replace that "soft, Christmasy" feeling you all have, with "violent shaking and inordinate flem" for me. Nice, right?

Anyway, since I had taken the week off work anyway, and was getting supremely bummed out that I was basically "wasting" my week off in the grips of death, I decided to give my health a collective "fuck you" on the morning of New Years Eve, and trudged out in the cold to see a morning showing of "I Am Legend".

Yes, you read that right. I saw the movie all by myself. Truth be told, I do that often. It's no big deal to me. And honestly, now that that big wussy Earl has gone all domesticated on me and goes to see movies with his girl, if I DIDN'T go to see movies by myself, I'd NEVER see them.

And THAT, will just not do.

So, with my heart set on seeing some Will Smith/Vampire goodness, I bundled my cute little heiney up and went to see the flick.

The movie, by the way, kicked ass, I thought. Maybe I've been just slowly lowering my expectations on films in general as I get older, but I really did like it. And, the last 10 minutes had me sitting on the edge of my seat thinking, "How the fuck is the Fresh Prince going to get himself out of this mess?". Any movie that can do that to me gets the big thumbs up in my book any day.

But this post wasn't intended to be a review. Nope, I really wanted to rant about how FUCKING ANNOYING people can be .....

Keep in mind, this was the 10:30 AM showing, so NO ONE was there.

When I walked in, there were only 2 people in the entire theater, sitting middle row, dead center.

I also like the center seats myself, but I prefer to sit more towards the back, so I took a seat directly behind the couple, but about 5 rows back.

All was well.

As the movie begins to start, in runs another couple, in their 50's I'd estimate, looking for a seat.

No problem, I think. there are PLENTY of seats around. There are, after all, only FIVE of us here seeing this movie.

So what do these mental giants do?

THEY SIT DOWN NEXT TO ME!!!!!!!

Seriously, how fucking weird is that shit?

Once I got over the shock, I was going to move my seat, but my chronic social anxiety issues kicked in to hyperdrive, and I decided to just sit there and be pissed off for 2 hours.

To make matters worse, 20 minutes into the film, I glance over and the guy is out cold, for God's sake!

That shit is just SO damn rude! It's breaking every law of common filmgeek etiquette. It's ALMOST as bad as someone walking into the bathroom and using the urinal next to you, even when there are a long row of them going unused.

Anyway, while he was sleeping, I deftly threw a Twizzler in his crotch.

That'll show the bastard.....

So Wrong

As anyone who comes here regularly knows, I have this sick obsession with Youtube. I'm not sure what it is that makes it feel "ok" to spend hours trolling through people's stupid videos, but every once in a while, I find a gem.

Meet my latest ...


And before any of you get all uppity with me about how I could show something that pokes fun at the disabled, take a breath first.

This is an ongoing web series, and the lead kid, Ponce, is actually a young man with Down's Syndrome who is trying hard to make it as an actor in Hollywood. He's a funny guy who loves to make people laugh, and has no problem making himself the butt of a joke.

And his work is starting to get recognized. Ponce just got a gig on his first indie film, ""American Cowslip" starring Peter Falk, Rip Torn, Cloris Leachman, Val Kilmer, Bruce Dern and Diane Ladd!".

So my hat's off to him. I think he's pretty damn funny.....