Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A.O.Hell.


My mother and stepfather almost drove me to murder them yesterday when they asked me to help them set up an email account on their new computer.

Let me re-enact the scene for your amusement:

Mom: I Need you to set up email on our new computer.
Me: Ok.
Dad: Ok, now this is important. On my old computer my email was something@aol.com, but now that we switched to a cable modem we don’t have AOL anymore.
Me: That’s no problem. The cable company sets you up with an email address.
Dad: Good. Just make sure that when you set mine up, it is STILL something@aol.com.
Me: I cant do that.
Dad: Why the Hell not? That’s what I want.
Me: Because your email address was only had the @aol part because you were an AOL member. You aren’t using AOL anymore.
Dad: Why the Hell should I use AOL if we’re paying for cable?
Me: You shouldn’t.
Dad: Ok then, just make my email address something@aol.com.
Me: You don’t understand me. The @aol is ONLY for AOL subscribers. Now you are a CABLE subscriber. You’re new email address is going to have an @optonline.net at the end.
Dad: That won’t work for me.
Me: Excuse me?
Dad: I’ll never remember that. Isn’t there anything you can do?
Me: Not unless you want to pay for AOL I can’t.
Dad: Well, shit. Ok then.
Mom: Well, now that you DIDN’T fix his problem, do you think you can take a stab at mine?
Me: Sure, what do you need?
Mom: When I turn on the computer now, it doesn’t tell me that I have mail.
Me: Huh?
Mom: When I turned on my old computer and went to check my email, it used to say “You’ve Got Mail!” in a nice cheery voice. Then I could click the email button and check my mail.
Me: You’re kidding me, right?
Mom: No, why would I kid about that? It used to talk to me.
Me: Mom, the EMAIL wasn’t talking to you. You used to click on AOL, and the America Online SOFTWARE told you that you had mail.
Mom: Right. So make it do that again, so I’ll know when I have mail.
Me: YOU DON’T HAVE AOL ANYMORE! DOESN’T ANYONE HERE UNDERSTAND THAT?

Dad: I’m pretty sure the cable guy told me that my email would still be @aol.
Mom: And I think he told me that the computer would still talk to me.

This is the kind of shit they do to me on a weekly basis. It’s like some kind of geriatric Abbot and Costello routine, and I’m the poor sap caught in the middle.


39 comments:

Ookami Snow said...

That is awesome.

I had been the 24 hour tech support for my mom for almost everything that went wrong that got plugged in. (Like if the TV was not making any sound.)

I took a good deal of time to teach her how everything worked and all the "behind the scenes stuff" so that she could figure out her own problems in the future. Now she don't call me about that stuff anymore.

I wonder who she does call?

Slyde said...

ookami: I would KILL for that setup. My mother still asks me to tape things for her on her vcr because its "too confusing".

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Hahahaha! Heeeey Abbot!!!! Great post Slyde! I'm still giggling.

Steph said...

Priceless! Fortunately, my parents never wanted email, or even a computer. I was mercifully spared.

B.E. Earl said...

Um...you realize that they can change their AOL subscription to "free" and keep their old AOL email addresses. Then you can make AOL.com their homepage so that when they sign on they will get the "You've Got Mail" greeting.

You know that...right?

Holly Hall said...

soooooooooooooo funny slyde! soooo funny!

My husband works in computers and my parents call him up randomly for random questions like this.

sooooo funny!

geriatric abbot and costello!

o so funny this post!

I peed!

:)

Holly

Slyde said...

candy: always a plus when i make a girl giggle..

steph: you're right... that WAS a mercy.

earl: actually, i didnt. I, along with the rest of the modern world, moved away from AOL about 12 years ago...


holly: awesome! making a girl pee is even better than making them giggle!

Paige Stanton said...

This kinda thing happens to me at work on a daily basis except I have ten people asking me to show them how to do things are physically not possible. On top of that we have an ancient computer system at work where a hammer and chisel would be faster and where things may be possible on a new system, they are not possible here so sometimes you have to get creative when problem solving.

Lemur said...

Yeah - what Earl said.

Once you have an AOL address - its yours forever. They can continue using JUST AOL as their email service, if they want.

(Earl - I don't think he knew that...)

Bina said...

Ha Ha Ha! I LOVE this! I'm sure it's much funnier happening to you than it would be to me, and yes, I can almost guarantee it's the geriatric shit. Those people crack me up.

teeni said...

LOL. That is too funny. I feel your pain. Parents are hard to bring up. :)

teeni said...

Stumbled.

Faiqa said...

OMG, so so so funny. My parents do that to me every week, too. I started acting like I don't know anything about what they're talking about.... i.e., in your case, I would've said, "Hmmm, I don't know much about the e-mail... so, you can get letters in your computer?

Bruce said...

Welcome to my world. The pencil and paper generation has a hard time converting to the 'virtual' world. I had these same problems with my parents, and it was about 10 years before they finally started to figure things out.

Now I am dealing with my mother in law. She has a new Mac Mini that we bought her, but she couldn't see the WMV files that friends kept sending to her. So I upgraded her Quicktime to be able to read the WMV videos (at a cost of $29).....and the first thing she said when I showed it to her was, "Can't you make it any louder?, I can barely hear it".....not unless I buy her some speakers for the computer....which is going to be another $29 out of my pocket.....all so she can watch stupid You-Tube videos that her friends send her.......

Lord Help Me......

Michelle J said...

I am laughing so hard not sure i can type...Ok i'll try!!

Yeah about the AOL, first they suck!!! But you can get your parents their old email addresses, i think!!

Also, my mom doesn't even know how to scroll down when reading an article online, i have to sit next to her and scroll for her!!! So, i just buy her the newspaper!!! Easier for all of us!! No scrolling!

:O) You cracked me up!!!

Sunshine said...

I understand to the fullest extreme...my mom can screw up anythng on the computer and if you want to increase your spam count... my mom is on your list... she clicks on EVERYTHING and then wonders why her computer freezes, cathces a virus or completely shuts down for good. And when I question her on it , I always get the "I don't know what happened, I didn't touch it!" response... hugs and kisses to you

Ali said...

Oh man. Can't stop giggling.

Hang on...

...

...

...

...

Okay. Damn that was funny :)

If it makes you feel any better, my mom actually can't remember her email address OR password (even though I've written them down and taped them to her computer desk) and still calls me to ask what they are.

And Monday night she called to ask me how to turn the computer off.

Seriously.

Aaaaaaand, here comes the giggles again :)

Chris H said...

I thank god each and every single day that my Mum HATES computers! I will never have that problem! *sigh*... feel ever so sad for you I do... REALLY I do!

Chris H said...

"Impatiently tapping fingers on table top"... sooooo how much money was in the change bucket eh????

AlleyCat said...

mwahahahahaha love it. my Dad's good with a computer, but my mum must seriously be related to your parents :0)

Raechelle said...
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Raechelle said...

Total LMAO! I can totally relate!

And thanks for the nice comments on my blog-Cheers!

Raechelle said...
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Raechelle said...
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Being Brazen said...

HA ha ha ha - your parents sound so funny.

I guess, Some people take a little longer to grasp what is going on when you talk about technology.

Tamara said...

Hehehe... my mother bought a pedometer to go with my stepgran's birthday gift this year so she can make sure she walks enough every day. Neither of my grandparents could figure it out, so when I visited I spent two hours drawing up a simplified, colour-coordinated, complete-with-diagrams set of instructions for them. The funny bit? Lily is still not using it coz she can't figure it all out.

honeywine said...

LOL My favorite is when my family and every other person who knows me call me up and start telling me what their computer is doing wrong. Ya know...because I'm relatively smart, I should be able to fix it. To be fair, sometimes I can, but they usually make me regret helping them, and there is no freakin' way I can do that over the phone when they're 6 states away!

Slyde said...

paige: i hear ya on that... our computer system at work sucks too.

lemur: i honestly didnt know that, but screw aol anyway.

bina: no, it would have been funnier if it happened to YOU!

teeni: thx for the stumble!

Slyde said...

faiqa: interesting.. feigning ignorance may be the way to go..

bruce: a 60 buck investment? you got off easy...

michele: she cant scroll? thats a new one on me!

sunshine: by all means, have your mom come here. theres a few questions i'd love to ask her...

Slyde said...

ali: maybe all moms are just the same after a certain age..

chrish: i had $150.00 in the change bucket. 150 exactly. how freaky is that?

alleycat: maybe you're my long lost sister.... :)

raechelle: thanks for stopping by to you too!

Slyde said...

brazen: ALITTLE longer???? i cant take much more of it..

tamara: same problem here. I gave my mom a digital camera 2 years ago that she has yet to use because she says its too complicated...

honey: like i said earlier.... feign stupidity... it makes things much easier..

Cuz said...

my mother still uses a vcr and still barely knows how to use it after all these years. she cannot really use a cell unless i dial the number for her first.

my father asked me, how come when i call your cell phone from my cell phone i don't have to dial 516area code? um, because both our cell phones have 516 area codes!!!!!!

i just shake my head in disbelief and walk away. LOL LOL

dizzblnd said...

Too funny! I always cringe when my parents ask me to help them with their computers.. it is a similar routine as you described! Thanks for the laugh!

2abes said...

you are a saint!

Slyde said...

cuz: at least you got her to use the vcr!

dizzy: anytime.

abes: of course!

Sunshine said...

what would you ask her my sweets?

Meghan said...

I was professional tech support for 2 years for email set up. It involved a lot of patience. And drinking. :)

latindog said...

At least your parents are asking the right person for email help, my parents ask me for help with their computer all the time and I repeatedly have to explain to them that I'm lucky I can use my own.

bobgirrl said...

OMG, join the freaking club! My parents had some horrible dial up service. Then I finally convinced them to switch to SBC or whatever (for less money, BTW). The first thing I said was, you should change your email to something like Yahoo so that if you change companies again, your email address won't change. Did they listen??? NO. Did they even undertand what I meant?????????? NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Will I someday have to explain this to a 97 year old man????????????????????????????? YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Please pass the bourbon.