Thursday, October 16, 2008

Would You Like Me To Give You Something To Suck On?

And with THAT I shoot down another saying I never thought I would ever write (except maybe in one of my letters to “Jugs” magazine, but THAT’S a blog entry for another day…)

Do ya’ll remember the dirty nurse who hit on me back in the summer when I was going for physical therapy for my sprained back? Of course, you do. I know that you all are so glued to my every word that most of you transcribe each one of my entries by hand so you can read them all back at night and memorize them.

If you don’t remember, then by all means catch up. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Anyway, it turns out that my doctor recently informed me that I needed to go to therapy again, this time for my ankle, since it hasn’t completely recovered yet from when I jumped off the roof. Gee, when I say it like that it kind of makes me sound like an idiot. Then again, I guess there isn’t really any other way to say it.

So, it was with a feeling of mild trepidation that I once again scheduled an appointment with the office of Dr. Feelgood.

Based on the title on this post, I guess you can infer that she didn’t disappoint.

As soon as I got there, I was led into a workout room. No sooner did I turn around when in she walked and asked me the title of this post.

As I said the first time I wrote about this, it’s not often that I get flustered around the ladies, but this chick apparently knows EXACTLY what to say to make me stare at her with my mouth open and eloquently reply, “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?”

After she let me suffer for what seemed like an eternity, she replied “For your throat. I heard you coughing when you came in. I have some cough drops in my office.”

I thought I was being crafty, and decided to test her on it. I told her that I’d LOVE a cough drop, thank you very much! I figured she wouldn’t expect me to take her up on it, and she’d have to fess up that she’s just hot for me.

But wouldn’t you know that the crafty little minx left the room, only to return a minute later brandishing 1 cough drop.

I pictured her scrambling around her office in a state of panic, opening desk drawers looking for some forgotten cough drop hidden somewhere…..

Or maybe, crafty little deviant that she is, she earlier in the day saw my name in her appointment book, and procured a bag of said cough drops just to give herself a back-up contingency plan.

In any event, I am scheduled to be going back for physical therapy for the rest of October, so if she keeps this up I am either going to have to find another therapist, or just do her already.

Touche, therapist….. well played. Well played, indeed.

28 comments:

Dr Zibbs said...

You would use that statement in a letter to Jugs? Swank maybe but Jugs? I guess everyone has their own standards.

Slyde said...

zibbs: Do they even MAKE swank anymore? man, i havent seen that magazine since i was 16 and rifling thru my dads dresser...

Michelle J said...

Slyde dude your very full of yourself, but in a good way!!! :O)

I am sure your physical therapist has very good taste in hmmmm, cought drops!!!

teeni said...

I dunno, Slyde. That therapist is kinda creepy. If the only men she can get are the ones who come in for therapy, and she has to lure them with comments like that, then I'd look out. Next thing you know, she'll have you tied to a bed, threatening to break your ankles if you don't do another post about her. Hey, wait a minute. That isn't why you're writing this NOW, is it? Do you want me to send help? Just say the word, dude. ;)

B.E. Earl said...

They still make both Swank and Juggs (that's two g's) magazines.

My God...what would you do without my extensive filth rag knowledge?!?

honeywine said...

Look...I'm desperate ok! You didn't need to tell everybody I moved halfway across the country and got training as a physical therapist, just to hit on you! And how dare you use that pic I sent you! I thought I wa special! lol ;)

Ali said...

See...if I was a dude, and I knew she was hot for me (as she so OBVIOUSLY is for you) - I would have turned to her with: "Would you like ME to give YOU something to suck on?"

I'm sure she would have been all over that - literally.

You should ask her next time ;) let me know how is goes...

Ali said...

And man! That chick in the picture is hot! Wish I looked that hot in my apron/nurses uniform/ bathing suit/dominatrix outfit :)

Faiqa said...

Thanks for reminding me to think twice about who, why, and how I offer cough drops to men. And *what* does that thing in her hand have to do with being a nurse??!

Holly Hall said...

OK LOOK!

If you went to a physical therapist office and this assistant did what she did then yes, creepy o so creepy and yes, o so out of line.

Seriously, Brad Pitt could be in my office and I still wouldn't get my boobies all up in his back or say naughty stuff like the wii has penile pump attachments.

My God. There is just now way this girl is right in the head. I mean, hitting on patients. That is like having sex with a dog. It just is't done unless you are all sorts of messed up. Maybe she has a drug problem.

AND WHILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT.

I am not sure this girl is technically a nurse. She works strictly in the physical therapy department? Are you sure she isn't a physical therapy assistant or somesuch.

AND WHILE WE ARE AT IT,

Tell her to give my outfit back, she borrowed it like 5 months ago.

:)

Holly

Being Brazen said...

ha ha ha - very amusing post. Seems like oyu have a really great active imagination. Though i must admit the therapist does sound like she may like to get a reaction with an opening line like that...

Anonymous said...

you must still have it, even after your big birthday

Slyde said...

michele: me? full of myself? pish posh!

teeni: SEND.... HELP!

earl: yeah, when i want to know all about foot porn, your the guy i call..

honey: sorry, dear... i thought you were ok with it...

Slyde said...

ali: ya know, thats funny.. when i saw that pic for the first time i thought to myself that she looked alittle like you...

faiqa: yeah, i was wondering that myself...

mrs hall: yeah, ive been calling her a nurse, but you are correct that i dont believe that is technically her title... i'm pretty sure shes just an assistant or apprentice or whatever the proper term is..

brazen: oh, she was DEFINITELY looking for a reaction..

anon: of course!

Paige Stanton said...

I'm gonna have to stop drinking my coffee when I read your blog. I'm still wiping the screen off... Hillarious!

Bruce said...

You have a very, very vivid imagination. This series would not be happening if she was a 280lb babushka.......

Bina said...

Ha Ha Ha! My God that was freaking funny, and I'm pretty damn sure you couldn't make this stuff up!!!!

And you are SO right. I hang on every word you say, cause that's just what you do to me. Hmmmmmmm

Sunshine said...

Tease...... ;)

Calder said...

Mrs Hall saying

"I mean, hitting on patients. That is like having sex with a dog."

omg, a classic, This post and the replies has made my day buddy!

Peace!

Calder said...

Oh ya... I got rid of my slimeball antispamatic word verification by the way...lol

Ali said...

Ha! I wish!

But that's actually kind of sweet :)

James said...

Ya definitely don't get those on the NHS.

James said...

Hey slyde do you have an email? I have an absolutely SUPERB joke but I can't put it on my blog...thought you might appreciate it..

elizabeth said...

Oh my gawd. She's brutal. That's awesome.

Slyde said...

paige: or you could just use a screenguard...

bruce: again sir, you have me pegged...

robina: of course i didnt make it up! one thing i can promise you is that i dont lie on this blog :)

caldar: another word verification bites the dust! thank you!

Slyde said...

ali: i really wasnt kidding there, missy... youre a cutie..

james: i'm always down for a good joke! my email address is at the bottom of my site... just scroll.

liz: hey stranger! havent seen you here in ages... i thought we broke up :(

Tamara said...

Jeepers... That girl probably thought they meant something else when she signed up for the "physical training" course. What does Fritz think of all this?

Slyde said...

tamara: she things its absolutely hysterical....