Friday, October 03, 2008

Fat Batman

No, I am NOT going to talk anymore about last night’s Vice Presidential debate.

It’s pretty much all been said. If I hear Sarah Palin try to convince us that we can buy comprehensive health care for our families for $5000 a year, or call herself a “Maverick” one more time, I am going to quite possibly explode. For the record, I think Biden won the debate handily.

But as I said, I’m not here to talk about the debate.

I’m here to speak on something much more troublesome.

I’m talking, of course, about Fat Batman.

At least that’s MY name for him.

Maybe I should back up a bit…..

My office, like many across the planet, indulges in the pastime of “Casual Friday”. For those of you unfamiliar with the term (like Earl and OTHER people who don’t work), on casual Fridays, employees are permitted to wear casual clothes to work. Jeans, T-shirts and sneakers are the norm on Fridays in many offices.

Casual Fridays are nice because, even though I have to suffer through one more day at work before I get to enjoy the weekend, I can at least be comfortable in my casual attire while I stare at the clock and wait for it to hit 5:00.

What could POSSIBLY annoy me on such a relaxed day, you might ask?

We have a gentleman who works in our office who has got to be in his 50’s. He’s about 6’2 and must weigh in at about 350 pounds. During the work week, he dresses in what would be considered standard business attire. He’s a little slovenly, but other than that, he seems normal enough. I’ve never actually spoken to him, but he works close enough to me that I see him daily in the office.

What drives me batty is that, when casual Friday rolls around, the man decides to regress into a 6 year old. Every Friday, he comes to work in some kind of superhero outfit. A big Batman shirt, Superman, the Flash, etc. He always caps off his ensemble wearing a big belt with a Superman “S” logo. The buckle is HUGE! It spans the length of his impressive gut. It looks like he’s the intercontinental champ of the Superfriends!

Every Friday, I cringe when I see this 50 year old ass-hat wear his Underoos to work. I just don’t understand why someone would make themselves look so pathetic on purpose, week after week.
He might as well just hold up a sign that reads “I haven’t ever gotten laid… but I hear its fun!”.

I too am a comic book geek, and I will BE one until the day I croak. But this guy is SO feeding into the nerdy, comic book stereotype that it’s giving the rest of us a bad rep.

Whenever I see him, I feel like I’m in The Invasion Of the Body Snatchers, and he is revealing to everyone that he hasn’t been converted into a Pod Person yet. I want to shake him and yell “Stop it! Just conform already and they won’t notice that we walk among them!”

Ok, maybe I’m overreacting a bit, but he just strolled by me to use a nearby fax machine, resplendent in his Green Arrow garb, and I am experiencing the violent urge to shove a hunk of Kyrptonite up his ass……


Dr Zibbs said...

If I saw that dude I would block him in the hall then look up at him, then down, then motion for him to spin around once. I'd then say, "Ridiculous." I would then walk away shaking my head. I think he would understand and appreciate my subtle gesture.

Chris H said...

It takes all sort to make up the world Slyde, so just grin and bear with it. Not much else you can do eh? Short of telling him he looks like a bloody dork! Perhaps he knows and still does not give a shit! As for BBQ invites... you are welcome, just anytime you are passing by mate! Though Auckland, New Zealand would be a HUGE divert from your home! lol

Slyde said...

zibbs: believe me, i want to!

chrish: if he knows and does NOT give a shit, he's either the bravest or stupidest person in the world.... hes the laughingstock of the office..

Mrs. Hall said...

So, um, you work with 'Comic Book Guy' from the Simpsons?

hee hee


Mrs. Hall

Slyde said...

Mrs Hall: thats pretty much EXACTLY what he looks like!

Marie said...

Liar...some middle aged man? I would love to work in your office but I gotta tell you I wouldn't last long.

I would have an office pool going about what super-hero he would be each week. Think about it you might stand to make some cash.

I wonder what he will be for halloween..

livesbythewoods said...

Oooh, fat sarcastic Star Trek fan?

Try getting everyone to talk to him in the Comic Book Guy voice all day. Maybe he'll get the message.

Or, film him and put the evidence on here.

Yeah, I prefer Option 2.

Slyde said...

marie: i like the idea of a pool.. god knows we bet on everything else

lives: i honestly DONT think he'd get the message... he seems a bit daft...

Anonymous said...

"Worst Co-Worker Ever..."
(say it like the Simpson's Comic Book Guy)

I can't comment on this...
my husband will wear socks with his sandals every time I am not paying attention.

Some unwarranted advice:
don't shove anything up his ass, when you go to prison for it, people may get the wrong idea about you...

Michelle said...

Haha, i do not know what to say here!! Well, i say befriend him, make him think you like him, then dump him!!! That's all i got!!!

Verdant Earl said...

Are you, Slyde, fat comic book guide?

Anonymous said...

LOL. But does kryptonite work on the Green Arrow? That is too funny. Do you really have a coworker that dresses in superhero garb on casual Fridays? LMAO

Angie said...

Hon, why don't you borrow my tootsie roll pop shirt that reads
" how many licks does it take?" Work will never be the same for you again.. ** wink **
Play top his Casual Friday attire... or you can go easy with it and wear an "I am with stupid" t- shirt...
Oh yea, by the way , you made it to the top of my blog.. oxoxox
( your the topic of the day, week, maybe even month...

Ali said...

Oh honey, I feel bad for you having to look at his sorry ass every Friday, really I do...but I'm having a hard time getting myself to stop laughing about the picture you posted. What's UP with the crotch of that guys underoos?!?!


Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for the story of when the guy dresses as Wonder can't be to far off