Friday, September 19, 2008

Dream Analysis, Please

Ok, last night I have once again had a dream that, when I woke up, made me loudly proclaim, “What the fuck was THAT all about?”

Anyone out there who can dissect this one for me and tell me what it means will get a long, wet sloppy kiss from me.

Which really IS a GREAT prize.

Because I’m so damn hot, you see.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, my dream.

Anyway, I dreamt that I had decided to try out for American Idol.

In the dream, I had figured I was a shoe-in because I was good friends with Simon Cowell.

I knew that I had to have a song ready, so on the way to the audition I bought a book of songs, figuring that while I was waiting for my name to be called, I could leaf through the book, and quickly memorize something that I could sing in front of the judges.

When I got to the audition hall, I ran into Simon, who told me that it wouldn’t be fair for him to judge me since we were best friends, and he was going to sit it out and just let Paula and Randy judge.

Then he asked me what song I was going to sing, and when I told him that I hadn’t picked one out yet, he started yelling at me, saying that I was going to waste everyone’s time by not being prepared, and that he pulled a lot of strings to get me this audition, yadda yadda yadda.

So, I whip out my song book and tell Simon that it’s not a problem…. I can pick a song from the book right now and memorize it quickly. So I open the book, only to find that I must have purchased the wrong one. In my hands is NOT a book of songs, but a White Pages phone book!

So, now I’m panicking.

The only song that I know by heart that I can think of is “Row Row Row Your Boat”, but I think to myself that I CAN’T fucking sing that! I would never live it down! I told all my family and friends that I was trying out, and if I tried to pull that Row Your Boat shit you just KNOW they would air it and I’d never ever live it down.

So now I’m panicking even more, when suddenly Simon walks over to me and tells me, “It’s time. You’re on!”

Then my alarm went off.

I DO realize that this dream is a very gay variant of the “Oh no! Its time for my final exam and I haven’t studied yet” dream that so many of us have….

But why American Idol? Why Simon, of all people?

This dream has had me scratching my head all morning.

21 comments:

B.E. Earl said...

Obviously you are concerned about your homo-erotic thoughts that you have been having about me.

Listen, Slyde. Whatever you wanna do in the privacy of your own home, go do it. But don't try to fuck me in my father's office - I don't think of you that way. I like you a lot man, but I don't think of you that way.

Bina said...

No clue about the dream. Let me think.

Are you up for a job evaluation?
An interview coming up soon?
Supposed to present a big project at work you didn't prepare for?
Is your boss a blunt, tell-it-like-is-while-hoping-to-make-you-cry kinda guy?

Other than that, all I can say is take what BE Earl said, and make a "do" instead of a "don't" about me! LOL LOL

Do I get my long, wet, deep, sloppy kiss???

Steph said...

It's an anxiety dream about being inadequate. What's interesting is the books you had. You thought you had a songbook (very right brain, creative), but you had a phonebook (left brain, just-the-facts). I'd say that you're feeling creative and liking it, but your subconscious is telling you that's not cool. Remember that creativity is a human thing and that man can be creative without being "gay". I think the dream simply says that your creativity is wanting out, but your more socialized self isn't allowing it.

Or else it could have been that Cheetos and Spam you had with that 12-pack last night.

honeywine said...

WUuu...uuuu...I know...I KNOW! It's about your innate love of chest hair and man nipples. :D

2abes said...

whats next... singing showtunes to the oakland raiders...seriously, i think it means you'd prefer simon over randy and paula! i hope earl isn't jealous.

Slyde said...

earl: im not sure what dream you are thinking of, but its probably something that spawned out of your own twisted head.

bina: no, none of the above. But as for the kiss, i'll be right there... can you pick me up at the airport?

steph: god love you... i really like and appreciated your dissection of my dream.

honey: man nipples? ouch

abes: if i was GOING to sing showtunes to a national football team, then it probably WOULD be the Raiders... they're my favs..

Sunshine said...

I did my research...the singing part is due to happiness, communication of feelings and ready to celebrate... the televsion show is due to something you wish to observe... maybe you will observe something that makes you HAPPY!!!!
( I must admit a Raiders fan... (shaking my head) I didn't know....)

Ali said...

Okay - I went to an online dream analyzer and it was talking about being scared of your nationality because I mentioned American Idol - obviously that isn't going to help.

And I was thinking maybe it was along the lines of what Bina was thinking - you know, up for a job review and all that junk...

...but THEN, I was like OF COURSE! You've obviously been thinking about someone *ahem, me* a little too much, and you're worried what Simon *ahem, my husband* is going to think about it. The phone book is because you want my phone number. Obviously that's what it was about :)

teeni said...

I just can't get over that you were okay with being Simon Cowell's friend in your dream. I mean, does he even HAVE friends? LOL. I don't know - some kind of performance anxiety thing?

Chris H said...

I FINK YOU FANCY SIMON.... lol.

Michelle J said...

Slyde:
You have a crush on Simon!! What is it..his man boobs turn you on???

:O)

Michelle

elizabeth said...

That's just downright disturbing...

Mrs. Hall said...

Slyde:

Your order is up!

The post on womanly things awaits your perusal.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Mrs. Hall

that gypsy girl said...

Did you dad hug you enough when you were a child? You were clearly trying to impress a very authoratative, critical man. The Row Row Row Your Boat reflects your childhood. You just want your Daddy Cowell to be proud of you, Slyde. Awwww....

Tamara said...

This settles it - you watch too much TV, Slyde ;-)

sweets said...

that was a nightmare... suck your thumb and feel better soon :)

meaning of the dream: there is a lost $20 under your bed :)~

can i come over for that kiss now????

Slyde said...

sunshine: thanks for the analysis... dont hate me because of my raiders love...

ali: lol! ok, so does that mean i'm getting your number?

teeni: performance anxiety? how dare you!

chris h: maybe. He IS quite strapping...

Slyde said...

michele: maybe just a little...

liz: i seem to remember YOU having some messed up dreams too, missy

mrs hall: womanly posts! im all over it.. ill read up on it next..

gypsy: now THAT is a very interesting interpretation...

Slyde said...

tamara: in the end, that might be all this is.. you may be right.

sweets: of course.. ive been waiting for you...

lotus07 said...

I think it is safe to say that subconciously, you are Simon Cowell's bitch!

Slyde said...

lotus: SUB-conciously?