Monday, August 11, 2008

First Time In The Big City


I was at a party over the weekend, and a friend of mine mentioned that she will soon be starting her first job in New York City. It got me thinking about my first (and only) job in Manhattan. Specifically, my first DAY getting to the job.

In the Fall of ‘93, I landed a job for Bank Of America in New York City. BofA had 2 offices downtown, one in the Trade Center, and one on Wall Street. I was mostly going to be working out of the Wall Street office.

Now, I had gone to NYC plenty of times prior to taking this job, but my trips had always been on the order of taking the train to Penn station, and just walking around Midtown, or hailing one of the 3 million cabs outside Penn and being driven to wherever I needed to go.

Point being, I didn’t really know my way around the city too well. For my two interviews for this particular job, I was always worried about being late, so I always just took a cab right to the building.

After I got the job, I was so excited about the prospect of working on “Wall Street” that it never really occurred to me how I was going to actually find my office that first day. It sounds pretty stupid now (because it is), but I figured that if I took the E train (that exited out of the World Trade Center basement) and just looked around, I’d see a line of people heading for Wall Street, and I’d just follow them.

Anyway, much as you might suspect, I exited the Trade Center that day and watched in horror as about 50 thousand people ran by me in every single direction!

My first day on the job, and I was already lost.

I started to panic, and figured I’d ask someone to help me out.

A decently-dressed man was walking up the street towards me.

I walked up to him and started to ask him how I might get to Wall Street, when interrupted me, mumbling something under his breath.

I didn’t hear what he said, so I politely said, “Excuse me?”

To which the man replied, “I’m gonna stab you.”

I thought to myself “I did NOT just hear what I think I just heard. That CAN’T be right!”

Completely at a loss, I said again “Excuse me?”

The man glared at me and snarled “I’m gonna stab you right in the fucking heart!”

Now, I’m not sure what Miss Manners would say is the proper etiquette to employ under such a situation, but if her answer was that I should say “uuuuuuuhhh” a lot while thinking “This fucking loon is going to stab me right here on Broadway”, then I think I nailed it dead-on.

Anyway, the man stepped up to me, glaring into my eyes, then just as quickly, looked across to the other side of the street, and walked off.

I stood there, openmouthed, wondering what the holy Hell just happened.

Then my natural instincts finally kicked in.

Unfortunately, my natural instincts aren’t to be a man and go after the guy, but instead to be a wise-ass.

As the man was crossing the street away from me, I called out:

“Ok, should I just wait here for you then, or would you like me to come with you? I’m sorry, this is my first stabbing…. I don’t know the proper protocol here!”

The gods decided to give my smart mouth a pass that day, because the lunatic never looked back.

My mother always has said that my wise-mouth will one day get me killed, but if it didn’t happen in that cold October day of 1993, then I don’t think it ever will.

24 comments:

Michelle J said...

What the hell??? Must have been a decently dressed homeless person! I am very thankful that you were not stabbed in the heart that day because then i would never have the pleasure of reading your blog!!

Oh also, those videos...maybe one of them is of me dancing around in my underware....YEAH RIGHT!!!

:O)

Sunshine said...

I think you need to organize a "cuddle party " and make up your own rules.... ((smooch))

Cuz said...

I worked in the city for 21 years and I got plenty of stories....guys peeing in the street RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, crazy people walking around with tons and tons of bags, yelling and screaming no one, then there's the guy wth the crazy hair that walks around with a radio around his neck, not a small radio - a boom box, I could go on and on. And, NO, I don't miss working in the city! LOL

B.E. Earl said...

I've wanted to stab you in the heart a bunch of times.

So this dude seems pretty reasonable to me.

honeywine said...

Now that's what we're missing that keeps Leesville, La. from being the tourism draw that New York, NY is. We just need more homicidal creeps.

sweets said...

ok... and you guys think we live in a dangerous country? hehe... hectic story slyde!

Tamara said...

LOL at earl ;-)

Glad he didn't make good on his threat!

Chris H said...

Nasty that! So is that photo at the top, totally distracted me it did!

Ruby said...

seems you have a classic case of foot in mouth disease.....i hate to break it to you...but it's incurable

Linda and her Surroundings said...

Well, I knew Wall Street was tough....

Elise said...

Oh Slyde!

Big cities are scary places sometimes...

I love your past-time stories xx

2abes said...

missed your 15 minutes of fame by that much...you could have made the 5 o'clock news the first day on your new job. btw I agree with earl.

Bina said...

Oh my freaking God that was hilarious!!!! Thanks for sharing that story. It made my day.

Slyde said...

Michelle: yes, being stabbed that day would have definitely put a cramp in my style..

sunshine: i just might.. maybe just for 2 :)

cuz: yeah, i remember some of the stories you used to tell...

Slyde said...

earl: i can always count on you for support

honey: not so... i've been stabbed FOUR times (so far) in Leesville, La!

sweets: i know.. crazy right?

Slyde said...

tamara: dont laugh.. it just encourages him..

chris: yeah, isnt it freaky.. i found it on google when i typed "lunatic stabbing"

ruby: i know.. its a chronic case, too!

Slyde said...

linda: you have NO idea...

elise: back from the dead! havent seen u in ages!

abes: you would.. you're both sissies..

bina: im glad my near death experience gave you a chuckle, sister!

badgerdaddy said...

Just reminded me of my first day at a job... In a second-hand bookshop with no lav, so had to use the public facilities. I locked the shop to go for a big poo, went into the cubicle, turned, locked the door then realised someone had smeared shit around the lock.

Bastards. I'll never forget the smell – that's how I aim to find them and exact my revenge...

In other news, that picture of you on your profile is so fucking gay.

Chris H said...

What's in the box?? Ya dork, if you had READ the blog.... it's a fridge/freezer ya twit. (said EVER so nicely of course!)

Slyde said...

badger: that, my friend, is quite a stinky story..

and you think i look gay? i thought that "fonzie" look made me look all manly!

chrish: Did you say it? im sorry, i must have missed that line...

lotus07 said...

Hmmm, my opinion is that he was walking home to get his really, big butcher knife and expected you to be there when he got back. I bet he was really pissed when you weren't and has been looking for you ever since.

( . )( . ) said...

Im going to use that line when I am next walking down a dark alley.... or maybe it will be my next pick up line....

Slyde said...

lotus: stop it.. you're scaring me!

(.)(.): have i told you yet how much i love typing in your name?

Cuz said...

went to MSG the other night for a concert. the train was packed going into the city so we had to stand & had to change at Jamaica.
Penn Sta. was hot as hell, between the heat, the crowds, the pushing, and then running to catch a train home i wanted to kill myself. LOL
i could never commute again! EVER!!!!!!!!!!